Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2001-09-27 09:10 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2001-09-27 09:10 pm
Perception of Personality
Had an interesting discussion with Darkside today. He keeps claiming I'm evil, I'm evil, I need to make an effort to stay out of trouble, I'm evil. Half of it is joking, half of it isn't. I keep telling him that I'm not, I'm not, I'm actually mostly good.
"I know you, Azz."
No, Darkside, you don't.
"You keep saying there's a lot more to you, but every time I see you, all I get to see is the perky goth. You need a copy of Clanbook Perky."
"That's because you only get to see me around you."
That's about how we left it.
Thing is, being near Darkside supercharges me with a whole hell of a lot of energy. I can't express this in very many other acceptable ways other than becoming hyper. Sis has seen a far more representative sample of my emotional and physical states, and knows that artistic trance of some sort or other is far more typical -- writing, or reading, usually. I can be lethargic, I can be energetic, I can be angry, I can be sleepy -- around Darkside, I am almost always happy. This is not always the case. For years, I varied between intensely happy and intensely sad, in chunks of about a week or two or three. These days, I seem to skip out on the "sad" in favor of outgoing/withdrawn... a marked improvement from the old days.
You don't see any change, Darkside, because you're the primary factor that causes change. Ask Neighbor sometime; he'll be able to give you a much more complete picture of me. He could tell you how my eyes light up when I look at you, how days when you're not there, I drag in and don't seem half as animated... that's my normal self. I'm on overdrive around you, and I need to learn to throttle back.
I love you, and that really fucks with my head.
"I know you, Azz."
No, Darkside, you don't.
"You keep saying there's a lot more to you, but every time I see you, all I get to see is the perky goth. You need a copy of Clanbook Perky."
"That's because you only get to see me around you."
That's about how we left it.
Thing is, being near Darkside supercharges me with a whole hell of a lot of energy. I can't express this in very many other acceptable ways other than becoming hyper. Sis has seen a far more representative sample of my emotional and physical states, and knows that artistic trance of some sort or other is far more typical -- writing, or reading, usually. I can be lethargic, I can be energetic, I can be angry, I can be sleepy -- around Darkside, I am almost always happy. This is not always the case. For years, I varied between intensely happy and intensely sad, in chunks of about a week or two or three. These days, I seem to skip out on the "sad" in favor of outgoing/withdrawn... a marked improvement from the old days.
You don't see any change, Darkside, because you're the primary factor that causes change. Ask Neighbor sometime; he'll be able to give you a much more complete picture of me. He could tell you how my eyes light up when I look at you, how days when you're not there, I drag in and don't seem half as animated... that's my normal self. I'm on overdrive around you, and I need to learn to throttle back.
I love you, and that really fucks with my head.