Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-05-11 09:20 am
azurelunatic) wrote2003-05-11 09:20 am
Improvements
"I'm a different person around Darkside and I know it. I'm nice, polite, sweet, not as prone to depression, someone easy to love. (Does he love me?) Away from him, I'm odder, more easily made sad, different."
That was over a year ago.
I'd say there have been some changes.
"I like the person I am near him better. I've been trying to change myself so that I'm calm and happy whether I'm near him or away from him, so I can give to myself the same serenity and joy of heart, mind, spirit, that I have in his presence. "
I think I've done a good job with that. It's not so much that he made me someone else, but that he saw the true me, and brought it out, first while I was in his physical company, and then all the time. He encouraged me to show it. I think I can safely say that I have been.
He can always brighten me. But I'm not longer two different people in his company and out. I'm still myself. I just like this self a lot better.
I wonder if I do the same thing for him? I am Told that I do have good effects on him, and I've seen for myself that when I call him and have a few words with him after one of his rough days at work, he picks up the telephone cross with the world, his job, himself, and me, and hangs up the phone smiling. Just as I do.
I wonder if the glow of having talked with me stays with him, as it does for me.
...He cares about me. I'm one of those few people who dares risk his snark on a regular basis. I suppose I know him fairly well. I wonder if there are things I'm good about asking him about, prying, letting him know that I care, and he has every right to be angstful and bitchy about work, about his parents, about anything...
...and I make him smile.
I noticed that in these journal entries. He used to delight in making me smile. He'd see me without a grin, and he'd tease me until I did smile, and then his face would light up too, and I'd grin harder. ...It was a bit of a power trip for me, knowing that I could make him light up like that if I smiled for him.
Maybe I am good for him.
He's just not used to having a friend who knows him this well, who will know him well enough to presume a bit and possibly skirt rudeness in the name of friendship. And I suppose he appreciates that. He likes, in general, his privacy, but I'm good about backing off when told to, and I will make sure that we stay in contact.
He's just ... ambivalent. He doesn't suppose that he's a particularly good friend to me. He knows how to be loyal to friends, how to come through in all manner of unlikely ways. He's been let down so very many times. He's learned to be a good friend by any number of people being bad friends to him... I've learned that I want to keep him as my friend, and I'll make sure it happens.
"'Til Death do us part" is far too soon.
That was over a year ago.
I'd say there have been some changes.
"I like the person I am near him better. I've been trying to change myself so that I'm calm and happy whether I'm near him or away from him, so I can give to myself the same serenity and joy of heart, mind, spirit, that I have in his presence. "
I think I've done a good job with that. It's not so much that he made me someone else, but that he saw the true me, and brought it out, first while I was in his physical company, and then all the time. He encouraged me to show it. I think I can safely say that I have been.
He can always brighten me. But I'm not longer two different people in his company and out. I'm still myself. I just like this self a lot better.
I wonder if I do the same thing for him? I am Told that I do have good effects on him, and I've seen for myself that when I call him and have a few words with him after one of his rough days at work, he picks up the telephone cross with the world, his job, himself, and me, and hangs up the phone smiling. Just as I do.
I wonder if the glow of having talked with me stays with him, as it does for me.
...He cares about me. I'm one of those few people who dares risk his snark on a regular basis. I suppose I know him fairly well. I wonder if there are things I'm good about asking him about, prying, letting him know that I care, and he has every right to be angstful and bitchy about work, about his parents, about anything...
...and I make him smile.
I noticed that in these journal entries. He used to delight in making me smile. He'd see me without a grin, and he'd tease me until I did smile, and then his face would light up too, and I'd grin harder. ...It was a bit of a power trip for me, knowing that I could make him light up like that if I smiled for him.
Maybe I am good for him.
He's just not used to having a friend who knows him this well, who will know him well enough to presume a bit and possibly skirt rudeness in the name of friendship. And I suppose he appreciates that. He likes, in general, his privacy, but I'm good about backing off when told to, and I will make sure that we stay in contact.
He's just ... ambivalent. He doesn't suppose that he's a particularly good friend to me. He knows how to be loyal to friends, how to come through in all manner of unlikely ways. He's been let down so very many times. He's learned to be a good friend by any number of people being bad friends to him... I've learned that I want to keep him as my friend, and I'll make sure it happens.
"'Til Death do us part" is far too soon.