Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-05-11 01:31 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-05-11 01:31 pm
My views on spanking. (Copy/paste, with expansion.)
I guardedly approve of spanking as a last-resort immediate consequence for something Very Serious.
There is a big difference between a swat or two on the seat of the pants that startles more than it hurts, and an all-out thrashing. I've had both.
When my mother spanked me, I knew I had it coming to me, and it fit with my sense of Fair, even though I did not like it at all. It stung, and I was not happy about it, and before I was done crying from the concept of having been punished, I couldn't feel it. When my father spanked me, I was terrified. It hurt fiercly and I screamed, and continued screaming from fear and pain after he was done spanking.
My dad stopped with the thrashings after we were eight or so, because he suddenly realized how very much he did not want to repeat his father's mistakes. It was a quite sudden and dramatic thing, in fact. We'd done something-or-other, and he was coming after us to Really Spank Us. I seem to recall something about peeling a strip of wood off the dresser. I was already wailing with anticipation (and probably holding my bottom). It had been a party at our house, and there were other people there, and the situation (our misdeed, his anger, us running in fear of him, how hard he was going to hit) suddenly hit directly home to him, and he stopped. It took years for us to trust him when he was angry, but we get along now.
My mother trailed the spankings out until less immediate forms of punishment were more effective. I have never distrusted her when she was angry.
I do not see the problem with a few swats on the tail no harder than a "gimme five" handslap that the kid and I exchange on a regular basis, as a signal of Extreme Punishment. I do see a problem with any form of punishment where a kid cries as a result of pain rather than as the result of the concept of punishment. I see an extreme problem with any punishment where a kid is crying from pain after the punishment is over, or when a kid is crying before the punishment out of fear of pain.
Spanking here tends to be a "You are not listening, and you have proved that you are not listening, and your attention will be gotten NOW" activity rather than an "I am angry and you will suffer" activity. If time-outs fail, and getting grounded does not seem to be making an impact, then it is time for one to three light swats that should not leave any sensation ten seconds later. This causes *immediate* cessation of the problem behavior, and complete astonishment: "You spanked me!!!" and the realization that yes, we were serious, and he is in deep trouble.
Angry tends to come out as, "You have just made me very angry. Go to your room now," delivered (in my case) in a tone of voice that is too calm and even to be natural. And I tend to go to my room, too, and blow off steam on LJ, and after we are both calm, further punishment is discussed. I don't even like issuing groundings when I'm angry.
On the whole, I see Little Fayoumis being more inclined towards violence when watching casual animated violence (Strongbad kicking The Cheat for no reason is followed by Little Fayoumis aiming a kick at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shammash for no reason [which resulted in him getting grounded from Strongbad]) than following an isolated incident of getting swatted on the butt (there are occasional incidents of him, in a silly mood, pat-swatting an adult behind with less force than he uses for a gimme-five and saying, "I'm spanking you!" gleefully, with much giggling).
There is a big difference between a swat or two on the seat of the pants that startles more than it hurts, and an all-out thrashing. I've had both.
When my mother spanked me, I knew I had it coming to me, and it fit with my sense of Fair, even though I did not like it at all. It stung, and I was not happy about it, and before I was done crying from the concept of having been punished, I couldn't feel it. When my father spanked me, I was terrified. It hurt fiercly and I screamed, and continued screaming from fear and pain after he was done spanking.
My dad stopped with the thrashings after we were eight or so, because he suddenly realized how very much he did not want to repeat his father's mistakes. It was a quite sudden and dramatic thing, in fact. We'd done something-or-other, and he was coming after us to Really Spank Us. I seem to recall something about peeling a strip of wood off the dresser. I was already wailing with anticipation (and probably holding my bottom). It had been a party at our house, and there were other people there, and the situation (our misdeed, his anger, us running in fear of him, how hard he was going to hit) suddenly hit directly home to him, and he stopped. It took years for us to trust him when he was angry, but we get along now.
My mother trailed the spankings out until less immediate forms of punishment were more effective. I have never distrusted her when she was angry.
I do not see the problem with a few swats on the tail no harder than a "gimme five" handslap that the kid and I exchange on a regular basis, as a signal of Extreme Punishment. I do see a problem with any form of punishment where a kid cries as a result of pain rather than as the result of the concept of punishment. I see an extreme problem with any punishment where a kid is crying from pain after the punishment is over, or when a kid is crying before the punishment out of fear of pain.
Spanking here tends to be a "You are not listening, and you have proved that you are not listening, and your attention will be gotten NOW" activity rather than an "I am angry and you will suffer" activity. If time-outs fail, and getting grounded does not seem to be making an impact, then it is time for one to three light swats that should not leave any sensation ten seconds later. This causes *immediate* cessation of the problem behavior, and complete astonishment: "You spanked me!!!" and the realization that yes, we were serious, and he is in deep trouble.
Angry tends to come out as, "You have just made me very angry. Go to your room now," delivered (in my case) in a tone of voice that is too calm and even to be natural. And I tend to go to my room, too, and blow off steam on LJ, and after we are both calm, further punishment is discussed. I don't even like issuing groundings when I'm angry.
On the whole, I see Little Fayoumis being more inclined towards violence when watching casual animated violence (Strongbad kicking The Cheat for no reason is followed by Little Fayoumis aiming a kick at
shammash for no reason [which resulted in him getting grounded from Strongbad]) than following an isolated incident of getting swatted on the butt (there are occasional incidents of him, in a silly mood, pat-swatting an adult behind with less force than he uses for a gimme-five and saying, "I'm spanking you!" gleefully, with much giggling).
no subject
"..."
"..."
"Oh, you're talking about KIDS!"
no subject
*snerk*
*smirk*