Bothering

[azurelunatic]

It bothers me when I think I know how something is catagorized, something that affects me, and then I go to look at it, and I find that it has been completely randomized, and I do not know where to find things.

I do not know how to deal with this.

I have issues with things that I consider important getting stored in a way that I have no idea what is.

I have "ownership" issues with photos. If they were taken with my camera, and my film, then I consider them to be at least in part mine. If they get scrambled, jumbled, torn, or even put somewhere that I can't find, I have issues.

It has to do with my fear of memory loss.

Comments

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

for what it's worth, I can relate. There's actually some term for the mental state of relating memories to physical objects, but damned if I can remember what it is.

Thanks to the MPD, I really have very few memories of my childhood, but the ones I have are incredibly vivid, like the remember my mother reading to me and me getting the concept that the squiggly marks she pointed to meant the same things as the word she was saying. I still have that book. Mom says I couldn't have been more than 3 at the time. I also remember riding a horse at night when I was four.

I really ought to post those in my journal some time and add them to my memories. I started doing that at one point and got sidetracked....

[azurelunatic]

Fortunately for my general mental integrity, the MPD didn't kick in until high school. If you leave me with no one I feel I can talk to, not even a pet, I'll start talking to myself...

Re:

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

the problem starts when you are also answering yourself, in different voices :P

[azurelunatic]

With me, different handwritings.

Re:

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

I had teachers in school accuse me of having my homework down by other people because of that one. (at the time I didn't know it, but she was kind of right!) I'm predominently left handed, but two alters are right handed.

[azurelunatic]

Oh my.

All my handwriting was recognizable as *mine*; it would just shift alarmingly.

[azurelunatic]

I don't *usually* have problems like this. I've been on edge for the past few weeks.

Re:

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

hmm...is mercury still in retrograde? That one seems to have a lot of people on edge..

[azurelunatic]

I think it is. Which... ow.

Re:

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

yah....another friend here on LJ recently had a baby, he's been an angel up until the last couple weeks, he's been non stop crying monster since, his poor mom is at her wit's end. They've tried quite literally, EVERYTHING!! I wish I didn't live so far away, I'd go give her a break, but a 20 hour drive is a bit much. :(

Here's to hoping Mercury gets the hell out of retrograde SOON!

[azurelunatic]

Tomorrow.

Happily, it'll still be influencing things until the day after my birthday; Mercury is one of my planets.

[azurelunatic]

Yep. Today's the last day. Whee!