Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-05-26 03:21 am
azurelunatic) wrote2003-05-26 03:21 am
Balance
One of my friends evidently had an entry about polyamory up, then took it down, as there was misunderstanding.
There's a large amount of difference between the way people interpret, "Foo is wrong" and "Foo is wrong for me."
"Foo is wrong" is a judgement about the entire concept of foo, whatever it may happen to be. Communism. Capitalism. Christianity. Buddhism. Polyamory. Monogamy. One sweeping statement, more or less calculated to set people off, even if that wasn't how it was meant.
"Foo is wrong for me", on the other hand, implies that some time has been spent looking into foo, and seeing what it entails, and doing some self-examination, and deciding that foo does not belong as an active part in the carefully-crafted balance that is the mind/heart/soul.
That little "for me" on the end there makes it so much more stunningly clear that the views that one person holds about foo for themselves aren't intended to mean that others should necessarily be held by those. When Anne does not like foo, because foo causes lots of blargh to happen when she implements foo, this does not mean that Barbara is incapable of successfully implementing foo. Blargh may not happen for Barbara, because Barbara works well with foo.
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votania is not a lesbian. After some sessions of mutual head-hammering, after she told me that she was really against it because it was not balanced, we figured out that it was not her balance, and she would be very pissy with anyone who tried to knock her out of her own balance; however, she was fine with others being lesbians when it was within their balance to do so. Until we got that issue straightened out, though, I was definitely cross with her.
I do remain cross with anyone who is so unimaginative to believe that the way that they have mapped out for themselves is the only way that things may be done; that everything that they find repugnant when applied to themselves must likewise be disgusting to everyone; that everything they find good and wholesome and delightful themselves is necessarily a Universal Good Truth. It doesn't work that way. I like coffee. Darkside does not like coffee. Darkside's father likes golf. Darkside and I have clubbed together with my blue balls and formed a golf-disliking society. I adore computers, and have become scarily domestic. My mother does not much care for computers and hates laundry. It's all about finding the balance that's right for you, and not shoving it at someone else, because that may disrupt their balance.
There's a large amount of difference between the way people interpret, "Foo is wrong" and "Foo is wrong for me."
"Foo is wrong" is a judgement about the entire concept of foo, whatever it may happen to be. Communism. Capitalism. Christianity. Buddhism. Polyamory. Monogamy. One sweeping statement, more or less calculated to set people off, even if that wasn't how it was meant.
"Foo is wrong for me", on the other hand, implies that some time has been spent looking into foo, and seeing what it entails, and doing some self-examination, and deciding that foo does not belong as an active part in the carefully-crafted balance that is the mind/heart/soul.
That little "for me" on the end there makes it so much more stunningly clear that the views that one person holds about foo for themselves aren't intended to mean that others should necessarily be held by those. When Anne does not like foo, because foo causes lots of blargh to happen when she implements foo, this does not mean that Barbara is incapable of successfully implementing foo. Blargh may not happen for Barbara, because Barbara works well with foo.
votania is not a lesbian. After some sessions of mutual head-hammering, after she told me that she was really against it because it was not balanced, we figured out that it was not her balance, and she would be very pissy with anyone who tried to knock her out of her own balance; however, she was fine with others being lesbians when it was within their balance to do so. Until we got that issue straightened out, though, I was definitely cross with her. I do remain cross with anyone who is so unimaginative to believe that the way that they have mapped out for themselves is the only way that things may be done; that everything that they find repugnant when applied to themselves must likewise be disgusting to everyone; that everything they find good and wholesome and delightful themselves is necessarily a Universal Good Truth. It doesn't work that way. I like coffee. Darkside does not like coffee. Darkside's father likes golf. Darkside and I have clubbed together with my blue balls and formed a golf-disliking society. I adore computers, and have become scarily domestic. My mother does not much care for computers and hates laundry. It's all about finding the balance that's right for you, and not shoving it at someone else, because that may disrupt their balance.
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And such is life.
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