Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-05-28 05:25 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-05-28 05:25 pm
Update from Offline
I woke up, at seven, halfway on my way to feeling like shit. But, I was feeling contentment like never before, as I'd known there'd been a dream about Darkside, though I couldn't recall the details. I collapsed and went back to sleep. I muttered the things I'd written: that I adored him, that of course he was a horrible grouch from hell, and so was I, and I *had* to live with myself, but I *chose* to be with him. I couldn't possibly be any less vile to be around than he, and perhaps more so. Sometimes I didn't even feel like living with me. But somehow, he managed to make me okay to stay in the same universe as myself. And I knew that I had to make him hear me.
And I fell asleep again, trying for his arms.
Alarm clock went off, 8:39. I hit the off button, and got a cramp in my right calf, to match the one I'd gotten in my left calf yesterday while swimming. Joy. I crashed back to bed.
The dream.
It started out at my elementary school, and progressed into an improbable tale of romance and murder.
I was at Pearl Creek, and a friend of my mother's from my childhood, Mrs. Johnson (only I was calling her "Mrs. Potter") was in the halls doing stuff to the bulletin boards. I told her why I was at school, that I was going to go down that way. She said something about it being 6th grade classes down that way (where the 1st grade had been, rooms 101 and 102) but I went down there anyway.
Room 101 was evidently now the library, and I found some books to check out. But it was the last day of school. The library lady (Mrs. Holliday, not Mrs. Fortune) said that she could fudge the due date on the book so it was due on the 4th of July, not the 1st, because they'd be open on the 4th and I could return it then; the library was closing for the summer in 20 minutes. I picked up the books, and suddenly it was a camp, some nomadic Quest of some sort, and I was entangled. Despite religious differences, the Leader and I got the hots for each other and got it on. He, as most of the other men on the Quest, was Muslim. The little part of me that notices real-world and dream-differences noted that this made the aforementioned Very Hot Sex improbable. The part of me that was getting it on told my reality-monitor to go stuff itself.
At any rate, there was a betrayal of the mission, and some high number of the people got killed. I survived, and showed up at the main camp with an expression of fearful wrath and a length of (blue? I think it was blue) satin. With suitable dramatic timing, I brandished the length of frayed-edged cloth, and advanced towards the guilty party. "Clothe me not in the garb of a murderer!" he shrieked, and would have gone pale, if you could have seen his dark face behind the desert gear intended to shield him from sun and sand. "Put that murderer's robe not on me!"
I ripped the veiling cloth away from his face, to reveal the bottom half shaved, and revealed how he had scraped off his manly beard to disguise himself as one of the "heathen raiders" who had massacred the majority of the party, and he had been counting on staying out in the desert long enough for his beard to grow back undetected.
Then I woke up.
I had managed to miss class. Database. Dammit. Little Fayoumis was home from school, with no school-assigned homework. I meandered over to the computer and began the checking of e-mail.
There were two calendar updates from Yahoo, as usual. I knew the contents; deleted. There were three LJ comments: one from a post in![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
kith_and_kin, one ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shywickedpixie's retelling of her dream, and one (that I didn't get to read yet) from lasayla.
Regarding the dream, that makes a lot of sense. I rarely, if ever, notice if I'm in someone else's dreams. I could not remember my dream that must have had Darkside in it, last night. But your dream rings true, very true, in the waking world, in an utterly symbolic fashion.
I have been wondering whether or not he needs me. He's lonely without me, but he could survive... the thought that he needs me is utter bogglement to me. But evidently, on some level, I do know. It will take much effort to traverse the distance between us, but it can be done.
I wonder what you saw on his face, as he came to that realization. I've been told, many times, that I glow when around him.
I need, I think, to updatekith_and_kin with my change in relationship status. Equally good, but different.
Our phone line has had EVIL happen to it.
shywickedpixie and reflecting on it, the net cut out. It disconnects, randomly, from time to time, and dials again, and all is good and reconnected. Not so this time. Dial... no answer. Wait 60 seconds. Dial, no answer. Wait.
I grumped; I groused. I looked around for the tech support number; I generally call and ask to hear if there are any known issues in the Phoenix area. Where was that fucking tech support number? Aha.
The reason why there was no answer suddenly became clear to me as I hit the "talk" button on the cordless. No dial tone. I checked the other phone. Indeed: no dial tone. I checked the date on the bill: Darkside's father's birthday. Nope. No way. I grumbled, groused some more, and hit the office, armed with the Qwest number and my tale of woe. (HEY! NONNY NONNY!!!!!)
The lady on the other end, after calling me "Sir" (I don't think she noticed the mis-speaking, or she actually thought I was male), proceeded to note that indeed there was a problem with our line. Evidently mass problems take about 2 hours to make their way into the Qwest tech support computer system. Joy.
The phone should be back on by 6 tonight. We hope.
Joooooooooooy.
In one of the dreams, the one at Pearl Creek, I ran into BJ. He was buff; he evidently had been working out. (The level of buffness suggested to me incarceration had been involved.) Evidently, so had I. I failed to hug him, but did lift him up and swing him around just to prove my point that I could. This took him aback more than somewhat; I could see in his eyes that he had not been expecting me to have been working out that much. (I actually wasn't aware, in dream, that I had been working out, so this judgement on his part surprised me.) How amusingly coincidental that I should run into this entry today, while reading the things that I had loaded before offline went...
My friends page has some gems today. Of course, it does every day, but I'm forced to consider them more heavily because the 'net is still not loading (1:09 pm).
kellinator is envious of the tech support guys being able to cuss. [friends-locked] Unto her, I shall share the Family Curse:
yaksha42 got to tell his gorgeous business teacher (who is married with children, by the way) about Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls. Go, you. *snicker*
hookncrook's job is safe for another year. Excellent.
rainstorm13: Go, you. Very much so. Heh. Hehe. I should try something like that. I'm going to call Blondie tonight, seriously, and tell him what I had to say to him, but ... I could use a "refresher" like that.
Books:
Am re-reading A Civil Campaign... again. I have always thought that the Betan earrings as described by Kareen must resemble Celtic knotwork in some way. "A few twists of metal" does sound awfully like that. I love that book, and can only re-read it now that I'm in happy and stable relationships. (Do NOT read this book after an unhappy breakup, especially one where the other party leaves you for someone else. Just don't. Bawled my eyes out the first time.)
I do appreciate Miles's view of the Green Room in the palace versus his father's, more than thirty years earlier. It's clear that it's the same room, but the subjects under discussion are so very different.
Swimming, learning, and the Little Fayoumis:
Again, I am the one who is seeing the most progress in his swimming. I don't know why it is that he displays the things that he's learning the most around me. His mom and Marx have been trying to get him to be able to have his face underwater for ages and ages. Yesterday, he started doing that for me, for no particular reason. I showed him how to hum and have bubbles come out your nose. He did, and he's been dipping his face underwater. It must be frustrating for them.
I don't know why he's chosen me as the one to learn new things in front of. Perhaps because he plays withmarxdarx and shows off for votania? Whatever the reason, he likes to learn. At least, around me. I am boggled, as I don't really know what it is that I do that is different from them.
Even if it were feasable for me to move out of here and in with Darkside asvotania suggested, I don't know if it would be wise for me to do so. The Little Fayoumis listens to me, learns from me. When Dude left, LF was unhappy to have lost a playmate. When marxdarx left that one time, the same. When I go on vacation, Little Fayoumis cries for me like he cries for his mother when she goes away on a vacation. I would feel like I was abandoning him.
And I fell asleep again, trying for his arms.
Alarm clock went off, 8:39. I hit the off button, and got a cramp in my right calf, to match the one I'd gotten in my left calf yesterday while swimming. Joy. I crashed back to bed.
The dream.
It started out at my elementary school, and progressed into an improbable tale of romance and murder.
I was at Pearl Creek, and a friend of my mother's from my childhood, Mrs. Johnson (only I was calling her "Mrs. Potter") was in the halls doing stuff to the bulletin boards. I told her why I was at school, that I was going to go down that way. She said something about it being 6th grade classes down that way (where the 1st grade had been, rooms 101 and 102) but I went down there anyway.
Room 101 was evidently now the library, and I found some books to check out. But it was the last day of school. The library lady (Mrs. Holliday, not Mrs. Fortune) said that she could fudge the due date on the book so it was due on the 4th of July, not the 1st, because they'd be open on the 4th and I could return it then; the library was closing for the summer in 20 minutes. I picked up the books, and suddenly it was a camp, some nomadic Quest of some sort, and I was entangled. Despite religious differences, the Leader and I got the hots for each other and got it on. He, as most of the other men on the Quest, was Muslim. The little part of me that notices real-world and dream-differences noted that this made the aforementioned Very Hot Sex improbable. The part of me that was getting it on told my reality-monitor to go stuff itself.
At any rate, there was a betrayal of the mission, and some high number of the people got killed. I survived, and showed up at the main camp with an expression of fearful wrath and a length of (blue? I think it was blue) satin. With suitable dramatic timing, I brandished the length of frayed-edged cloth, and advanced towards the guilty party. "Clothe me not in the garb of a murderer!" he shrieked, and would have gone pale, if you could have seen his dark face behind the desert gear intended to shield him from sun and sand. "Put that murderer's robe not on me!"
I ripped the veiling cloth away from his face, to reveal the bottom half shaved, and revealed how he had scraped off his manly beard to disguise himself as one of the "heathen raiders" who had massacred the majority of the party, and he had been counting on staying out in the desert long enough for his beard to grow back undetected.
Then I woke up.
I had managed to miss class. Database. Dammit. Little Fayoumis was home from school, with no school-assigned homework. I meandered over to the computer and began the checking of e-mail.
There were two calendar updates from Yahoo, as usual. I knew the contents; deleted. There were three LJ comments: one from a post in
kith_and_kin, one shywickedpixie's retelling of her dream, and one (that I didn't get to read yet) from lasayla. Regarding the dream, that makes a lot of sense. I rarely, if ever, notice if I'm in someone else's dreams. I could not remember my dream that must have had Darkside in it, last night. But your dream rings true, very true, in the waking world, in an utterly symbolic fashion.
I have been wondering whether or not he needs me. He's lonely without me, but he could survive... the thought that he needs me is utter bogglement to me. But evidently, on some level, I do know. It will take much effort to traverse the distance between us, but it can be done.
I wonder what you saw on his face, as he came to that realization. I've been told, many times, that I glow when around him.
I need, I think, to update
kith_and_kin with my change in relationship status. Equally good, but different. Our phone line has had EVIL happen to it.
shywickedpixie and reflecting on it, the net cut out. It disconnects, randomly, from time to time, and dials again, and all is good and reconnected. Not so this time. Dial... no answer. Wait 60 seconds. Dial, no answer. Wait. I grumped; I groused. I looked around for the tech support number; I generally call and ask to hear if there are any known issues in the Phoenix area. Where was that fucking tech support number? Aha.
The reason why there was no answer suddenly became clear to me as I hit the "talk" button on the cordless. No dial tone. I checked the other phone. Indeed: no dial tone. I checked the date on the bill: Darkside's father's birthday. Nope. No way. I grumbled, groused some more, and hit the office, armed with the Qwest number and my tale of woe. (HEY! NONNY NONNY!!!!!)
The lady on the other end, after calling me "Sir" (I don't think she noticed the mis-speaking, or she actually thought I was male), proceeded to note that indeed there was a problem with our line. Evidently mass problems take about 2 hours to make their way into the Qwest tech support computer system. Joy.
The phone should be back on by 6 tonight. We hope.
Joooooooooooy.
In one of the dreams, the one at Pearl Creek, I ran into BJ. He was buff; he evidently had been working out. (The level of buffness suggested to me incarceration had been involved.) Evidently, so had I. I failed to hug him, but did lift him up and swing him around just to prove my point that I could. This took him aback more than somewhat; I could see in his eyes that he had not been expecting me to have been working out that much. (I actually wasn't aware, in dream, that I had been working out, so this judgement on his part surprised me.) How amusingly coincidental that I should run into this entry today, while reading the things that I had loaded before offline went...
My friends page has some gems today. Of course, it does every day, but I'm forced to consider them more heavily because the 'net is still not loading (1:09 pm).
kellinator is envious of the tech support guys being able to cuss. [friends-locked] Unto her, I shall share the Family Curse: You bald-headed mother of a misbegotten, fuck-foundered fornicating Je-sus Christ!"
yaksha42 got to tell his gorgeous business teacher (who is married with children, by the way) about Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls. Go, you. *snicker* hookncrook's job is safe for another year. Excellent. rainstorm13: Go, you. Very much so. Heh. Hehe. I should try something like that. I'm going to call Blondie tonight, seriously, and tell him what I had to say to him, but ... I could use a "refresher" like that. Books:
Am re-reading A Civil Campaign... again. I have always thought that the Betan earrings as described by Kareen must resemble Celtic knotwork in some way. "A few twists of metal" does sound awfully like that. I love that book, and can only re-read it now that I'm in happy and stable relationships. (Do NOT read this book after an unhappy breakup, especially one where the other party leaves you for someone else. Just don't. Bawled my eyes out the first time.)
I do appreciate Miles's view of the Green Room in the palace versus his father's, more than thirty years earlier. It's clear that it's the same room, but the subjects under discussion are so very different.
Swimming, learning, and the Little Fayoumis:
Again, I am the one who is seeing the most progress in his swimming. I don't know why it is that he displays the things that he's learning the most around me. His mom and Marx have been trying to get him to be able to have his face underwater for ages and ages. Yesterday, he started doing that for me, for no particular reason. I showed him how to hum and have bubbles come out your nose. He did, and he's been dipping his face underwater. It must be frustrating for them.
I don't know why he's chosen me as the one to learn new things in front of. Perhaps because he plays with
marxdarx and shows off for votania? Whatever the reason, he likes to learn. At least, around me. I am boggled, as I don't really know what it is that I do that is different from them. Even if it were feasable for me to move out of here and in with Darkside as
votania suggested, I don't know if it would be wise for me to do so. The Little Fayoumis listens to me, learns from me. When Dude left, LF was unhappy to have lost a playmate. When marxdarx left that one time, the same. When I go on vacation, Little Fayoumis cries for me like he cries for his mother when she goes away on a vacation. I would feel like I was abandoning him.
Hi there
Regards,
Tine
Re: Hi there
Good to see you!
Re: Hi there
:)