Peeves (things I have generally managed to avoid)

[azurelunatic]

The one thing that I could not stand when I was a kid was parents lying to their kids. I was not, as a rule, lied to. I was told an age-appropriate truth, always with the knowledge that it was not the complete truth, and I would learn more about things as I got older.

My parents tried the tooth fairy thing, and it worked -- until my mother gave me a quarter she had found lying on the floor. It was my quarter, and there was a spot on it so I knew it was mine, and the tooth fairy had given me my own quarter.

I angrily confronted my mother (I was five or younger at this point) and she admitted that yes, she was the tooth fairy, and that there was no physical little fairy that came around and did the tooth thing. I was mad at her for lying to me.

It's one thing to tell a kid that the stove is dangerous and they should not touch it until they are trained in its proper use. It is another thing to tell a kid that the stove has a monster that will hurt them if they go near it.

It may be frustrating as all get-out to tell a kid that they can't understand some of these things yet. Better that a kid be frustrated and try to learn more than intimidated or scared by a deliberately flawed understanding of how the world works.

Comments

[wibbble]

Yay for good parents.

Why can't the majority of parents be like this?

[azurelunatic]

Because they never learned how?

I'm finally becoming convinced that I might be a good parent.

[wibbble]

> Because they never learned how?

That's probably true, but I suspect for many parents it's because they never bothered to try. Especially the parents of the little kids I'd see in Greenock, back home, that were destined to grow up into neds.

> I'm finally becoming convinced that I might be a good parent.

Well, I've known you for... how many days? :o) and I'm fairly convinced that you'd be a good parent. :o)

[azurelunatic]

Well, I halfway am at this point, no "would be" about it -- votania has a six-year-old son, and I've been pretty much in the position of aunt/stepmother for the past two years. So I've had a chance to practice my parenting skills, so they're not all a bunch of hot air.

[wibbble]

*nods*

I wasn't sure which was more appropriate: 'you are' or 'you would be', there. Decided on the latter. :o)

[azurelunatic]

Heh.

I am still uncertain about my parenting skills as it comes to babies. The younger a kid is, the more useless I find it; I can't relate well to something that can't think that should be able to. I have very few pre-rational memories of myself.

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

Oh, but they take far less of your attention when they're babies, really. They have simple needs. Feed them, change them when they're wet, play with them when they're awake and being cute, and let them play with themselves when they're calm. *shrug* As they get older and more exploratory, just be rational -- you have all the capabilities required to be a good parent. You don't have to be able to *talk* to an infant/toddler to explain things, because they can't talk. When a baby reaches for something they shouldn't have, a light tap on the hand and a softly sharp, "No!" while pulling them away from it, and they learn "No." Eventually (how soon or late depends on the stubbornness and will of the child - all of mine got their first spanking before they could *walk*) they will have to actually get a smack on the rear hard enough to startle them and realize that when you say NO you will *enforce* it, if they try to deliberately disobey you, when they get smart enough to try it. And that's pretty much all it takes. *shrug*

Be honest, because as you have already experienced, children take things like Santa and the tooth fairy as a deep betrayal when they find out their parents have actually *LIED* to them. Be consistent. There's nothing that can hurt a child more than inconsistent rules, because you are an arbitrary dictator (a benevolent dictator, to be sure, and dictating out of love and for their own good, but a dictator nonetheless, until they are old enough to comprehend and help create their own rules...and *that* is closer to 12 than 5) and it will only cause stress and confusion if the rules change on them.

And that's all any child needs. Honesty, consistency, love, and boundaries, in about equal proportions. :D And LIBERAL doses of fun.

[azurelunatic]

I think the consistency, and now that he's old enough, explaining the rules, is what makes me succeed so well with the Little Fayoumis.

He's old enough, and bright enough, to understand that when I'm grouchy and tired, the rules change, with regard to what he's allowed to do noise-wise and requiring-me-to-supervise-wise, because I tell him that the reason he's not going to be allowed to do that right now is not because he's been misbehaving, but because I'm tired and grouchy. So now he asks, if he's asking to come in my room, "Can I come in your room? Or am I grounded from your room? Or is it messy? Or are you grouchy?"

The rules remain consistent for each mode of operation, and when he knows what they are, he can adjust once he knows what's going on, and he knows to ask, because I tell him...

[azurelunatic]

The thing that worries me most about kid-raising is that I am not generally up for much in the way of kid-fun. Sometimes I am, but most often, it seems that kid-fun annoys me. I feel far too much like my father.

Re:

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

Heh. You know, as long as you let them have their own playroom, and ignore the thumping and shrieking coming from that room? They're pretty much *okay* on their own at younger ages. Or at least mine all were.

[azurelunatic]

Which is the reason for the getting of kid-safe toys.

I suppose it's because we had a one-room cabin growing up that I remember Mama always being there to play with me 100% of the time. But I know, now, that it must be one of those illusions...