Wired for Sprog [What is the plural of that, anyway? Is it its own plural? "sprogs"? "sproggen"?]

[azurelunatic]

My tolerence for kids is evidently exceptionally low.

This came up in conversation when I mentioned to votania that it was too much for me to have more than three hours of the Little Fayoumis's friends. She mentioned that my tolerence for kids was extremely low, and that it would change when I became a parent.

Um, no.

It has already changed. It is at what is probably its all-time height. The Little Fayoumis has already thrown the "I am a parent" switch, and I can put up with him comfortably most of the time. (And he's been trained to put up with me: a simple, "Joanie's grouchy", or "tired and grouchy" means that both of us will be happier if he leaves me strictly alone, and chooses locations far from me to play with his noisy toys. This works for both of us.) (And, randomly, thinking back to today, he *has* been flinching when corrected, in ways different from his old habit of put-hands-to-ears, and I do not know why, and this disturbs me, and I will get to the bottom of this.)

Becoming a parent, or so close that I get mistaken for one on the bus, does do things. I can pick his voice out of a crowd, and tell you if he's hurt, mad, tired, playing, or what. He's *mine*, on most levels except the biological. (He's more votania's, and that's as it should be, but we've bonded on the "adored stepparent/kid" model.) I can deal with barf in the middle of the night. Helping him wipe his upchucky face off does not make me blow chunks. (Thank you to the good offices of several screwdrivers, and BJ, that one night...) But I still don't have patience with kids-in-the-aggregate.

So, the casual statement, "When you have kids of your own that'll change" rubbed me the wrong way. Not all people who have kids are converted to instant saint like she was. (And she was. She and shadesong might want to swap tales about "how having a kid changed my life" sometime.) I pointed out that I'd actually gained in patience after adding the Little Fayoumis to my life, and further pointed out that at this point, I had more kid-patience than FatherSir.

This was a definite eeep moment, but there was agreement.

I am unlikely to gain any more patience with kids as an actual biological parent. (Also, the older the kid is, the better I deal with them. I am not interested in babies, and think most of them fearfully ugly, and horribly useless. This is mostly because I cannot have interaction with them that I consider meaningful.)

No, I think the next threshold of my gaining kid-patience would be the Grandparent phase, which I think FatherSir has already reached. (It was horribly frustrating when FatherSir had more time, attention, and patience for other people's kids than he had for his own.) Grandparents are supposed to be bomb-proof, no?

Comments

[calligrafiti.livejournal.com]

I am not interested in babies, and think most of them fearfully ugly, and horribly useless. This is mostly because I cannot have interaction with them that I consider meaningful.)

Sing it sister. While I can handle short interactions with children, my interest in having full-time responsibility for them can best be counted with negative numbers. This has been true for as long as I can remember, but it solidified into, "I never want to have children," when I was 15. I mentioned this to my mother. She said it would change as I got older. I'm now 35. Mom now says that it'll change after I have a child. If pregnancy rewires ones brain severely enough to wipe out a strong desire of 20 years, that only makes my need to avoid spawning that much stronger. I've spent a lot of time getting my brain into its current state, thank you.

[azurelunatic]

I have changed my mind about kids several times. When I was a kid, of course I was going to grow up and have two little girls of my own.

When I was a teenager, I looked at my father's temper and remembered my experience with it, and looked at my temper, and said, "Absolutely not."

Now that I've got a handle on it, I'm edging towards, "Maybe I would have a biological kid and a commune," or "Maybe I would adopt a five-year-old".

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

Husband is obsessed with spawning....I'm not.

For one, to many health problems that I will pass on to a child. There are so many healthy kids out there that need a home, I can't see having one that stands a good chance of not making it just because himself wants his DNA replicated.

I'm not a baby person either. There is nothing about babies that really pros out vs the cons of drool, upchuck, and toxic waste diapers.

Then there is the whole mentally ill thing. I'd have to go off medications, plus my blood pressure meds. I just can't see that replicating my shitty DNA and himself's DNA is worth the risk of having to live in a mental asylum the rest of my life or having a stroke or both.

Himself and the inlaws don't agree with any of this and I'm heartily sick of the bullshit I have to listen to. It's my god damn body, my god damn life, my god damn health and not thier call, thank you very much.

[azurelunatic]

It probably wouldn't be a good idea to do some careful research of your own, and then present him with a female person, and say, "Here, spawn your own." For a number of different sound reasons.

...Though that, actually, might not be a idea if taken a little further.

Research, and draw up a spreadsheet of the *actual* costs involved in getting him reproduced. Harvest sperm from him, eggs from you (since going off-meds is Not An Option for you), hiring a host womb-with-attendant-person, and all of her reproductive costs (prenatal appointments, doctors, delivery, with best-case and worst-case costing).

Then go into the costs of raising a child. You two barely have enough to survive on by yourselves; what manner of idiot would think you have enough money for a child? And since a child can't survive without a healthy, functioning mother, budget in enough for you to get your meat... not to mention kid doctor visits, and so forth...

And there are probably days when you can't even take care of you, much less a kid, so you'd have to budget for at least a part-time nanny...

and then dentist...
...braces...
...broken bones...
...new bike...
...and then there's college...

And then present them with the bill.

"You want a grandkid so bad? Fine! You *#@% pay for it!"

Re:

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

exactly. What I get is "well no one can ever be prepared completely for a child, you can't plan for everything..." yes but fuck all, if you are having trouble keeping a roof over your head. I firmly believe in the saying "if you can't feed 'em, don't breed' em!"

[azurelunatic]

There's no such thing as being completely prepared, but there is such a thing as being grossly underprepared.