azurelunatic | Morning

Yet another day, and I'm awake after only a few hours of sleep, and contemplating the wisdom of the

"Oh, and you were asking the other day why you're not a 'celebrity' -- I thought on it, and I think it has to do with style. shadesong has a sort of grand sense of drama, timing, storytelling, etc running throughout her LJ -- which isn't to say that you don't, but that it's not in the forefront quite so much. Like, you have more shopping lists and silly Harry Potter things and such. Which, again, is perfectly all right, and nifty, but not larger-than-life."

I'm a little disappointed with this perception of me, and a little not. It's utterly accurate. That's what's been going on with me, lately. I haven't really been doing much, or thinking much about what I'm doing, and it's been showing. But then, I don't really want to make a theatrical production out of things, as that's just not quite my style. As much as I think of myself as possibly having an epic story of a life to tell, speaking for the ages takes effort, and I haven't had quite that level of energy over this break. It's been my time to kick back, relax, and get books slurped up.

I'm tempted to label this vacation a time of sitting on things and mulling them over. I recently re-read the archives of this journal, starting from May 2001. The task took a month. Then, I started reading books to both reboot my brain and catch up on

50bookchallenge. Now, I'm trying to regain my physical and emotional strength to handle school this upcoming tri (Monday, back to the grind!) and I really haven't had much in the way of stimulation from the outside world, excepting the 13th and 14th's glamourbombing runs.

Why am I hermiting? I couldn't tell you. I just know that I am. Perhaps it's to tell me that I should be digging more things out of the depths of my brain so that I can look at them. Perhaps it's in preparation for something bigger.

I suspect we'll start to see on Monday.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't really see Lj as a popularity contest, but to each his or her own I suppose.

If one depends on the adoration of others for self-fulfillment and justification, one has a very large disappointment coming.

Any author that has ever changed what they write for the masses, usually does not last long as an author - as popular fads die fast, but creativity and indivuality can last forever.

Personally, I enjoy most of the writing you do, because I see it as an expression of who you really are, and not what people expect of you, or an online "persona."

But I'm strange like that - I prefer real people to the illusion of a celebrity.

I meant this to be an affirmation of your writing and thoughts, not a scathing indictment of your friend. Basically, I'm trying to say that you shouldn't change a thing...friends are way better than fans anyway.

Peace

A good portion of what I write here, I write as a slightly self-conscious practice of the craft of writing. I've been addicted to reading, and by extension, writing, as long as I can remember.

This is my test ground. It's not so much about popularity, and it's not, for the writing bit, so much about personality, as it is that I want my writing to be good, and memorable, and no little charismatic. I want to be a powerful writer, and I want to change people.

It's not about changing me to fit a popularity mold, it's about honing my writing so people will want to read it. I have friends enough. I don't want fans. I want readers.

I meant this to be an affirmation of your writing and thoughts, not a scathing indictment of your friend.

I'll keep this, and the fact that you haven't read me, in mind. :)

About me: It's definitely not a popularity contest! I honestly have no idea why I'm as widely-read as I am. And I've never changed what I write in order to appeal to people... which occasionally results in rather vocal disagreement, but hey, that's life. I don't think I'm a celebrity. I don't feel like one. It's just that Azz and a few others perceive me as one. And I certainly don't have a "persona", as people who know me offline can attest.... this is just me.

About Azz: I thoroughly enjoy her journal; I find her fascinating! I worry sometimes that she compares herself to other people and weighs herself unfavorably in comparison. But I, for one, like what she writes and how she writes it quite a bit.

There are some misconceptions here on my part, for that I apoligize. Also, seriously, no offense was intended to you. It was more of a generalization about the the myraid of people on Lj that have let their "fame" go to their head, and a trend I see in a lot of lj writers to write about things that will please their readers instead of using it as a vehicle of self expression.

Only having read your journal once or twice, I am not familiar enough with you as a person to make an accurate judgement, but odds are you don't really belong in this generalization.

Again, apologies offerred if any offense was taken.

No problem. I did get a little prickly, a little "hey!", but I did read your disclaimer; no offense taken, I just wanted to point out that the generalization was not entirely accurate...

Heh. I'd have a lot more readers if I did cater to them, but that's not the point - not for me, at least...

Thanks.

I just have these... ambitions of writerly fame.

Oooh, that and you're CRYPTIC. *giggle*

I'm a little disappointed with this perception of me, and a little not. It's utterly accurate.

Actually, it's not a perception of you, dearheart, so much as it is a difference in the styles of the writing of your journals. She writes for dramatic effect, almost singularly. Every single entry is written with the audience in mind, the knowledge that they're there, with flair, with style...whether consciously or not, she writes to entertain. Yes, she writes her own life, and she's keeping a journal, and a community...but she's an entertainer. That's what she Is, not just what she does. I am not, at heart, a Writer. It's one of the things I do, and one of the things that will not let me put it down, but it's not one of the things that I Am. She *IS* a Writer. She IS an Entertainer. Shy or not (and many Entertainers are), she is putting on a show everytime she puts herself out there.

I manage to put myself in public by forcibly demanding that I am Not Putting On A Show; I'm just me. :D

Ah. Whereas I'm not an Entertainer, I'm a Writer, and my subject at the moment happens to be me. This is interspersed with little notes to myself that I would be making that would be probably written down on scratch paper if I were doing this as a paper journal.

Morning

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