Horoscopes from the Onion

[azurelunatic]

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
Although you honestly believe you do a better job of it than they could, finishing other people's sentences for them is still a real dick move.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
It's true that they say all is fair in love and war, but be advised that some still consider the use of nerve gas barbaric in either circumstance.