Friends

[azurelunatic]

What is the sound of hope slowly trickling away? What is the sound of knowing day after day that things are the same, and no one loves you and no one ever will? That you can't hold your friends together, that your education is useless, that the only thing between you and success is... you.

And it feels like absolute hell. And you wonder what the point is...

This isn't me. It probably isn't you. I'm just worried. I don't want to almost-lose another friend. Time and distance, I can take. But this... gha. It eats my soul away knowing that there isn't much I can do but give out hugs, if they'll be accepted. Such an empty thing to do, hug and listen.

I keep remembering that song from choir.

Cynthia Gray. "If Only I Had Known"

As I look around me, people everywhere
[something some thing something] care
[entire rest of verse has not stuck in brain]

Amid their toil and trouble, people are so blind
Seldom warm or helpful, oftentimes unkind (seldom kind)
Did you need a friendly word, a smile to call your own
Could I have made a difference, if only I had known?

Where's the caring? Why is it so hard to do?
Can't we love unconditionally, accept the real me and you?
We all know heartache, we all know pain
Beneath the surface, we're all the same.

How can I judge the things you say or the things you do
There's no way to comprehend all that you've been through (you've been through)
For like me, you wear a mask
But cry when you're alone
Could I have made a difference
If only I had known
If only I had known?

...Not quite so worried in that direction anymore. Chatting with another old friend... gha. Dramatics, histrionics, miscommunication, and our dear River upset. Yaaaagh. Clue Sticks Applied As Needed, I guess, with a lightningstorm brewing in Phoenix to boot.

Comments

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

Sometimes a hug is all you have to give. Hugging and listening can sometimes make a huge difference.

[azurelunatic]

I just feel so... ineffective doing that. Even though I know that all I'd really need is for someone to hold me and listen to me in the same situation.

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

I just feel so... ineffective doing that.

Amen. I hate seeing people in pain. I know that pain is sometimes necessary for growth, but it still sucks. It becomes even more difficult when I am not as familiar with someone online as I am in meat-space because I do not get the subtle clues that would make providing comfort maybe a bit easier.

A kind word, a virtual hug, an offer to listen. *sigh*

[godai.livejournal.com]

I bet it is me. :P

Hun your hugs are welcome. I am sorry that I drag you down at times.

As for almost-lose. Never ever. not going to happen.

[azurelunatic]

I worry.

I've almost lost a couple friends, so I'm getting hypersensitive. I'd rather be embarrassed than sorry.

*hugs*

I'm sorry that *you* drag you down at times. I've just got a raging case of empathy.

[azurelunatic]

And, randomhugs again...