Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-08-02 02:03 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-08-02 02:03 pm
Left out vs. hiding
At parties, I tend to happily interact for a while, then withdraw to a corner, generally with my closest friends or a book, and stay there, happily watching the party progress.
I call this process "hiding".
This has happened since forever. A party goes on, and when I've had enough interaction, I withdraw, but not utterly. I'm still there, I'm still enjoying it, and spending any more time in the direct company of people who aren't my inner circle would be painful. I generally take a book along with me, so I'll have something to hide with.
At the Halloween party last year, there were quite a few people who weren't inner-circle. Bald Guy wasn't. The party was winding down, and I wound up in my room with Darkside,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ralmathon, and Dawn. The party was just too... well... there were people there. So I hid. Darkside joined me, and I lay flat on my stomach on my bed, head nearly in his lap. It was quiet, and secure, and safe. When Bald Guy and evealone came in, they got shooed out, as they were People, and Darkside was Mine. Huge difference.
Earlier that party, something else had happened. I tried playing a silly fighting game with Darkside. He whipped my tail easily, more than once. Frustrated and disappointed, I retreated to my room in unhappiness, and sulked there for a while before he came and dragged me back out. That's a classic example of what happens when I feel left out of something -- I retreat, because it's something I want to do, and rather than be excluded, I'd rather leave.
It's sometimes hard to tell when the two differ, but they do, greatly. One's just my inability to be around people for more than a few hours. The other's me not feeling like a part of the party, no matter how hard I try.
I call this process "hiding".
This has happened since forever. A party goes on, and when I've had enough interaction, I withdraw, but not utterly. I'm still there, I'm still enjoying it, and spending any more time in the direct company of people who aren't my inner circle would be painful. I generally take a book along with me, so I'll have something to hide with.
At the Halloween party last year, there were quite a few people who weren't inner-circle. Bald Guy wasn't. The party was winding down, and I wound up in my room with Darkside,
ralmathon, and Dawn. The party was just too... well... there were people there. So I hid. Darkside joined me, and I lay flat on my stomach on my bed, head nearly in his lap. It was quiet, and secure, and safe. When Bald Guy and evealone came in, they got shooed out, as they were People, and Darkside was Mine. Huge difference. Earlier that party, something else had happened. I tried playing a silly fighting game with Darkside. He whipped my tail easily, more than once. Frustrated and disappointed, I retreated to my room in unhappiness, and sulked there for a while before he came and dragged me back out. That's a classic example of what happens when I feel left out of something -- I retreat, because it's something I want to do, and rather than be excluded, I'd rather leave.
It's sometimes hard to tell when the two differ, but they do, greatly. One's just my inability to be around people for more than a few hours. The other's me not feeling like a part of the party, no matter how hard I try.
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Especially shopping at Wal Mart at 3 in the morning...
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I rarely start out in the corner, these days -- but after 2 or 3 hours, sometimes more, sometimes less, I like to find a quieter spot. I've been known to monopolize a corner of a couch with crocheting for a few hours, with kids climbing all over me.