azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 ([personal profile] azurelunatic) wrote2003-08-05 12:18 am

Oh, dearest, dearest...

...a thousand times I've told you I love you. A thousand times you've told me, "I'm sorry."

When will I learn to hold the love, to let go the desire? I love you. A thousand times, I love you.

They ask me why I let you keep doing this to me. I've known from day one that it's me doing this to myself, and all you've ever desired for me is happiness. As you are kind and gentle and brotherly-protective of me, you wish to shield me from all harm, even from yourself... I wish nearly the same for you, but I know of no one more worthy and more suited...

A thousand times. A thousand times a thousand.


We played the child's game, did not/did too, not/too, not/too, not times infinity... We're past pretense of pure adulthood. Slowly, slowly, we learn each other.

And each step more, I love you, and sometimes I doubt that I can measure up to your dreams, because I know I don't, I can't...

[identity profile] ataniell93.livejournal.com 2003-08-05 02:02 am (UTC)(link)
Okay. So, why do you keep doing this to yourself?

Sorry...have wanted to say this for a while.

This is why ikaros and I got divorced, because ultimately, being espoused to someone who wouldn't fuck me much, and never satisfactorily, was not good for me, even though we still love each other dearly. Accepting that it would never, ever happen was vastly healing. If I had done it sooner I might not have married Vince.