azurelunatic | Fwd: "Things I Would Do If I Become The Good King"

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While it is clear that Evil Overlords, and even Heroes, need advice from time to time, it would also seem self-evident that those Monarchs for whom power is a responsibility rather than a goal have a pretty poor track record as well. Therfore I am compelled to present:

Things I Would Do If I Become The Good King

I will maintain a functional and regularly drilled army, a top-of-the-line intelligence service, and a good working relationship with any local Heroes.
My Wicked Uncle, Jealous Brother, etc. shall never be banished from the realm. If I cannot justly imprison or execute them I shall grant them a comfortable manor well within my borders, income sufficient to indulge their least reprehensable vices, and a well trained staff who will report his every move to me or my intelligence service.
I am not immortal and have no real interest in becoming so. For that reason I will make comprehensive arrangements for the succession/regency the day after my coronation and update them frequently.
I will test all prospective heirs for intelligence, leadership ability, administrative skills, and most importantly character. Those who do not measure up in any the first three categories get pushed to the back of the Order of Succession and put somewhere harmless. Flunking the character test will, of course, result in the Dysfunctional Kinfolk treatment mentioned above.
My Intellegence Service will have standing orders to investigate (note: NOT prosecute) any rumours of corruption within the ranks of my Advisors and High Nobles, including... make that _especially_ the ones that I trust implicitly.
I will not stress over my lack of competent male heirs if I have any daughters. Indeed, the arts of rulership shall be a part of all my daughters' education (they could be better at it than my sons).
I shall seek out the most feared assassins in the land and give them all a reasonable retainer conditional on my continued well being.
It is reasonable to assume that the Knights of my Realm have better things to do than chase damsels in distress all the time. Therefore I shall train all my daughters in escape techniques, wilderness survival, disguise, armed/unarmed combat, sorcery if applicable, and so forth. In addition, I will tell them to be discreetly armed at all times.
Before summoning a DragonSlayer(tm) to my aid, I will see if any Dragon not actively attacking my realm's populace is amiable to reasoned negotiation. Setting out sentient sacrifices however, is automatically out of the question.
My daughter shall be a judge, assuming she is not mature enough to be _the_ judge, in any contest for her hand.
My Elite Royal Bodyguards shall never look like anything of the sort. The people that look the part will be competent enough if it can be helped, but I will have less conspicuous sorts hanging about at all times.
My life is not mine to risk needlessly. Therfore I shall not command my army in their field unless my kingdom (not my throne) is at stake, I am the only competent general on my side, and/or I have a competent successor/regent waiting well away from the war zone.
If I do find myself in command of my army, I shall not make myself more of a target than I must. For example; the Snow White Charger and Gilded Armour stay at home, any strategy involving me leading a cavalry charge into the Teeth of the Enemy shall be designated Plan Z, and so forth.
If my Royal Dignity demands that I maintain a harem, I shall conceal wisewomen, sorceresses, warriors, R&D specialists, spies, covert ops people, and the like therein.
I shall endeavor to include a staunchly heterosexual member of the opposite gender, a staunchly homosexual member of my gender, a devoutly celibate cleric, and a eunuch among my closest advisors. They will be charged with providing a Reality Check if a Mysterious Seductress tries to worm her way into my heart (and incidentally, my throne room)
Any other Bright Ideas?
-- H. Torrance Griffin

Fwd: "Things I Would Do If I Become The Good King"

Things I Would Do If I Become The Good King

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