Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-09-15 11:27 am
azurelunatic) wrote2003-09-15 11:27 am
Applying it all over... (Been there, done that, still wearing the t-shirt)
So someone had some observations about downtime, and owing it to others. Being as that was one of the points that Darkside kicked my ass about extensively, I was moved to make some observations. And since it's a fairly universal issue, it deserved to be generalized and re-posted...
You have it, I think, backwards. The priority should not be so much on getting you running because others need you, but because you deserve to be functional and happy, not lying in a semifunctional state.
You owe it to yourself to kick people who encourage you to fall down and stay down out of your life. Not because others are depending on you to stay up and running, but because you deserve to be up and running and shining. Because of who you deserve to be, some things will need rearranging. There is no place for asshats in your life. There is no place for people who vaccilate between wonderful and horrible in your life. There is no place for people who will destructively take you down -- but there is always a place for people who gently (or, not-so-gently, if the circumstances warrant) point out the things that weaken you and hold you back from who you are supposed to be.
And sometimes it does take a boot to the ass to get started. Gods know that Darkside did enough of that to me. And I did start out feeling that I owed it to him to be a stronger friend to him, and review my systems to see what was causing the crashes. And every time I did that, he'd point out that it wasn't supposed to be for him that I was doing that -- it was supposed to be for me.
So, take as long as you need to.
Certainly, you can and should be there for others, because that's part of what makes you you. That's one of your strengths. But be aware that you are there for others because you are strong enough to do so, and have that wisdom and experience; it is you who makes you so, and you should delight in it -- and know when to say, "Okay, that's it for today -- I need some time to get everything cleaned up and processed." You do not owe it to them to be there. You owe it to yourself to take the time you need, and to help out when you can.
You have it, I think, backwards. The priority should not be so much on getting you running because others need you, but because you deserve to be functional and happy, not lying in a semifunctional state.
You owe it to yourself to kick people who encourage you to fall down and stay down out of your life. Not because others are depending on you to stay up and running, but because you deserve to be up and running and shining. Because of who you deserve to be, some things will need rearranging. There is no place for asshats in your life. There is no place for people who vaccilate between wonderful and horrible in your life. There is no place for people who will destructively take you down -- but there is always a place for people who gently (or, not-so-gently, if the circumstances warrant) point out the things that weaken you and hold you back from who you are supposed to be.
And sometimes it does take a boot to the ass to get started. Gods know that Darkside did enough of that to me. And I did start out feeling that I owed it to him to be a stronger friend to him, and review my systems to see what was causing the crashes. And every time I did that, he'd point out that it wasn't supposed to be for him that I was doing that -- it was supposed to be for me.
So, take as long as you need to.
Certainly, you can and should be there for others, because that's part of what makes you you. That's one of your strengths. But be aware that you are there for others because you are strong enough to do so, and have that wisdom and experience; it is you who makes you so, and you should delight in it -- and know when to say, "Okay, that's it for today -- I need some time to get everything cleaned up and processed." You do not owe it to them to be there. You owe it to yourself to take the time you need, and to help out when you can.