Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-10-09 01:58 am
azurelunatic) wrote2003-10-09 01:58 am
Maternity, etc.
It always feels so odd, knowing that I'm near unto another mother to Little Fayoumis.
I wasn't there for his conception, gestation, or birth. I wasn't there for his first four and a half years. He's seven, now. In another two years, I'll have known him half his life. He doesn't, now, seem to have all that many clear memories of life before me.
His mother's really coming out in him. He's definitely got her nose. It used to be impossible to tell, with the baby-nose -- but he's got that. He's so got that. Bits of me are coming out in him, because he's around me so much.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
marxdarx is in there too, to a lesser degree, because he's not been around so long.
It's weird, too, to write letters to my mother babbling about the growth and development of a kid who, to her, is a bit of a cuckoo. There's none of her genetic material in this kid. There's none of FatherSir's. It's weird, because I know that unless things drastically change for me, within the next twelve years, he's the only child I'll have.
Odd, to know that.
At the moment, there's one man I would seriously consider reproducing with, and he's keeping it in his pants. (Good for him. Seriously.) I'm not planning on a body-birth after age 35. And if I'm not having a body-birth, why bother with my genes at all? My maternal aunt, for whom I was named, has sons with children. My paternal aunt, after whom I was not-quite named, has teenage sons; my paternal uncle has two sons, one of whom just got married. Hell, I have a sister who's a near-twin, who may well wind up with children.
The other two people with whom I might consider combining my genes -- one of them wouldn't, and the other one couldn't. Not with current medical technology, anyway, and I think I'd really rather adopt.
Vainly, if I adopted, I'd like to find a serious girl with straight dark brown hair and quirky, intelligent mannerisms, somewhere in the age range of three to five ... or else a hyper boy, the sort that bounces off the walls. I can deal with hyperactive. I dealt with hyperactive starting from age fifteen, continuing to age 19, when I handed off my duty with all formality to Shawn's wife. I, a year younger thanpyrogenic, baby-sat him at CTY. I baby-sat Shawn through high school alive. I tutored a first-grade hyperactive in his letters.
It's scary that I'm thinking of certain people in terms of marriage. I've been thinking this way for a while, for that certain people, but I think this is the first time I've even voiced it on here. I haven't voiced it aloud. I did mention it in my paper journal, but I've still been thinking of it for longer. Which is odd, considering the amount of contact there is, or isn't. We shall see. This one, I'm letting settle for a while. But there is still no genetic compatibility.
I do want a partner. Eventually. Somewhere down the line.
I wasn't there for his conception, gestation, or birth. I wasn't there for his first four and a half years. He's seven, now. In another two years, I'll have known him half his life. He doesn't, now, seem to have all that many clear memories of life before me.
His mother's really coming out in him. He's definitely got her nose. It used to be impossible to tell, with the baby-nose -- but he's got that. He's so got that. Bits of me are coming out in him, because he's around me so much.
marxdarx is in there too, to a lesser degree, because he's not been around so long. It's weird, too, to write letters to my mother babbling about the growth and development of a kid who, to her, is a bit of a cuckoo. There's none of her genetic material in this kid. There's none of FatherSir's. It's weird, because I know that unless things drastically change for me, within the next twelve years, he's the only child I'll have.
Odd, to know that.
At the moment, there's one man I would seriously consider reproducing with, and he's keeping it in his pants. (Good for him. Seriously.) I'm not planning on a body-birth after age 35. And if I'm not having a body-birth, why bother with my genes at all? My maternal aunt, for whom I was named, has sons with children. My paternal aunt, after whom I was not-quite named, has teenage sons; my paternal uncle has two sons, one of whom just got married. Hell, I have a sister who's a near-twin, who may well wind up with children.
The other two people with whom I might consider combining my genes -- one of them wouldn't, and the other one couldn't. Not with current medical technology, anyway, and I think I'd really rather adopt.
Vainly, if I adopted, I'd like to find a serious girl with straight dark brown hair and quirky, intelligent mannerisms, somewhere in the age range of three to five ... or else a hyper boy, the sort that bounces off the walls. I can deal with hyperactive. I dealt with hyperactive starting from age fifteen, continuing to age 19, when I handed off my duty with all formality to Shawn's wife. I, a year younger than
pyrogenic, baby-sat him at CTY. I baby-sat Shawn through high school alive. I tutored a first-grade hyperactive in his letters. It's scary that I'm thinking of certain people in terms of marriage. I've been thinking this way for a while, for that certain people, but I think this is the first time I've even voiced it on here. I haven't voiced it aloud. I did mention it in my paper journal, but I've still been thinking of it for longer. Which is odd, considering the amount of contact there is, or isn't. We shall see. This one, I'm letting settle for a while. But there is still no genetic compatibility.
I do want a partner. Eventually. Somewhere down the line.
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It's totally normal. But remember, you can still be a 'whole woman' without ever having children. You nurture alot of things in your life and as far as I can see they are doing well.
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I'm within a smidgeon of kinda doing the childfree thing, but I don't have the vast distaste for all children that those people have. (I vacillate profoundly on the subject; right now I'm at the "most little children but mine are monsters, and all children under five are monsters." )
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Little Fayoumis was under five when I met him.
Actually, from his behaviour lately, I'm inclined to say that all children under the age of nine (LF is 7) are monsters.
Some monsters may be successfully tamed, though...
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Body birth! You rock! *smooch*
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My neighbor caught me young. When you start reading Lois at 16, you get a little influenced...
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Hon, my kids don't remember me ever living with them, and I just moved out in January 2000, less than 4 years ago. My oldest kid is 9, she *barely* remembers me living there, enough that she doesn't forget that it used to be my house. The boys, 7 and 6, keep forgetting that I *ever* lived there.
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