Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-10-23 11:35 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-10-23 11:35 pm
Love...
How I know I love you, and why that's a good thing:
I trust you. Somewhere along the line, trust became more important than love. I had to learn it for myself, I guess, and it came late. I didn't trust Shawn or BJ, not fully. I don't yet trust you fully, but the capacity is there. It has to be earned, step by step, not given. I can't give my trust, not that deeply, anymore. I learned from the coinflip that the capacity for you to likewise trust me is there. That eased my heart immeasurably.
You've earned my trust by not harming me, by not abusing my trust of you, by not manipulating me for your gain and my loss. You've earned my trust by protecting me from things you know will harm me. When you do, inevitably, hurt me, you do your best to patch me up better than you found me. You show me parts of yourself that I'd never dream of crowing about. You've earned my trust by learning me, and learning what to do, and not do -- and caring enough to notice in the first place. Many men wouldn't do as much.
Most crushes die down either within a few months, or after getting to know a person sufficiently. Even when there's no crush, or still romance, I reach a comfort level with people: this close, and no closer. I haven't yet reached that with you. I suspect we could share a skin and still not have my comfort level triggered.
I know that my love for you is lasting because I keep coming back to you. No matter who else I'm interested in, I still love you. That, by itself, isn't so remarkable. With the multiple processors, I can love lots of people at once. My heart has multiple processors, and your thread is always running on one. What's the odd thing is that my feelings for you haven't faded, haven't disappeared with a new interest, haven't been put utterly in the background when I'm dating someone. If it's a crush, it'll die then. For almost all others but you, unless they did something to make themselves unloved, I still love them a little back there, with minimal resources dedicated to their process. You have a priority job.
You're good for me. You make me smile like no one else can. You do lots of things that no one else can. I love you.
It took me twenty years to find you. Well, only sixteen years of active searching. I can name the day I first loved you: the day that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
votania was worried about a friend being in trouble, and we joined hands, joined powers, joined souls. I hadn't realized that it could or should be like this... then I realized that it wasn't, usually. It was just you.
I trust you. Somewhere along the line, trust became more important than love. I had to learn it for myself, I guess, and it came late. I didn't trust Shawn or BJ, not fully. I don't yet trust you fully, but the capacity is there. It has to be earned, step by step, not given. I can't give my trust, not that deeply, anymore. I learned from the coinflip that the capacity for you to likewise trust me is there. That eased my heart immeasurably.
You've earned my trust by not harming me, by not abusing my trust of you, by not manipulating me for your gain and my loss. You've earned my trust by protecting me from things you know will harm me. When you do, inevitably, hurt me, you do your best to patch me up better than you found me. You show me parts of yourself that I'd never dream of crowing about. You've earned my trust by learning me, and learning what to do, and not do -- and caring enough to notice in the first place. Many men wouldn't do as much.
Most crushes die down either within a few months, or after getting to know a person sufficiently. Even when there's no crush, or still romance, I reach a comfort level with people: this close, and no closer. I haven't yet reached that with you. I suspect we could share a skin and still not have my comfort level triggered.
I know that my love for you is lasting because I keep coming back to you. No matter who else I'm interested in, I still love you. That, by itself, isn't so remarkable. With the multiple processors, I can love lots of people at once. My heart has multiple processors, and your thread is always running on one. What's the odd thing is that my feelings for you haven't faded, haven't disappeared with a new interest, haven't been put utterly in the background when I'm dating someone. If it's a crush, it'll die then. For almost all others but you, unless they did something to make themselves unloved, I still love them a little back there, with minimal resources dedicated to their process. You have a priority job.
You're good for me. You make me smile like no one else can. You do lots of things that no one else can. I love you.
It took me twenty years to find you. Well, only sixteen years of active searching. I can name the day I first loved you: the day that
votania was worried about a friend being in trouble, and we joined hands, joined powers, joined souls. I hadn't realized that it could or should be like this... then I realized that it wasn't, usually. It was just you.