Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-10-31 04:19 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-10-31 04:19 pm
Pr0n, real women, young people, education, standards, and the Lunatic
Short opinion on the pr0n/no porn thing that's been going around: yes, I approve of pornography and erotica, especially erotica.
However, as with everything, it's to be used with caution. I wouldn't dream of giving the Little Fayoumis (when he gets old enough) porn without first making sure his basic grasp of anatomy is in place, and also the standard tutorial on relationships. We've been working on the "I don't happen to like that, but I'm glad you like it" concept with toys and movies and games. He's OK with the fact that his mom hates Star Trek in all its forms and he and I both like it. This is preparing him to be OK with the idea that he will like things that others won't, and that it's OK for him to not like things that others do. This is especially applicable to sex.
I would far rather have him learn the positions and the techniques from a well-staged video instruction with text backup (Mom's copy of the Kama Sutra, anyone?) than being tempted to try it before he and his partner are ready mentally and emotionally.
I don't approve of bad porn. But, Sturgeon's Law, 90% of everything is crap. I'd far prefer to personally preview and select age-appropriate, experience-appropriate materials for him, rather than having him run into the infamous sorts of things that give porn, especially internet porn, their traditional bad name. (That link is text-only, but ... bad.) We won't be, for example, exposing him to La Blue Girl before he's seen and been OK with many, many other things.
I like to pride myself that I have a realistic ideal body image and physical standards for myself. I know that for my body type, unless I were super-buff, more so than I would have time to maintain, I would be dangerously too thin if I could fit into size 14 jeans. I know this because in high school, I scared my fencing instructor by nearly passing out from lack of eating. I was a comfortable size 16 at that point. I'm 5'6" and change, and I can pick up and twirl around most average-to-slightly-heavy grown men, as well as scoot a fully made up steel-pipe bunk bed by myself.
I could use some improvements (wearing jeans of a size less than the current greater-than-twenty, having my face clear up some, less frizz in the hair) but for the most part, there is not much that I could or would want to do to improve my body to get it to look like my ideal. (Melissa auf der Maur is gorgeous. I could stand to be proportioned like her, though maybe a little heavier in the chest. I'm just saying.) I was hot in high school, and I wouldn't mind looking like that again. (I was wearing a bra in the 6th grade. I was mistaken for a teacher in my freshman year of high school.)
I have found that attitude, personality, and mind is the defining factor in the sort of relationship that lasts, not a porn-star body.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pyrogenic, I thought he was nearly the ugliest man on Earth. Then I fell in love two seconds after I realized that he also liked Star Trek. That was my defining moment in the contents != cover lesson. I realized that while his initial impression was Mr. Ugly, deciding that I loved him made me find him extremely hot. And I'm talking hot to the point where I was painfully aroused in his presence.
Then there was Slackerprep. Buff, but not too bulging with unnatural muscles. Tanned, but not in the courting skin cancer way. Smooth, attractive voice, and that certain sparkle in his eye. After a few weeks of dealing with him, he made my skin crawl. Not only was he offensively overly familiar, but he was dumber than two rocks being banged together by a bit of primordial ooze. I have trouble seeing clean-cut preppy-type men as attractive, anymore.
In the end, I found that while there wasn't one physical look that would turn me on in men, that the men I found lastingly attractive were the ones who I was able to spend time with, the ones who could smile just so, get me to double over laughing, never made me jumpy and distrustful. Best friend material, in other words. Long hair that can be played with a bonus.
Some women declare that they want to look like fashion models, or that they can't measure up to porn-star standards. *shudder* Um, no. One former denizen of my friends list was perfectly attractive when I first saw photos of her. She ranted and raved about how disgustingly fat she was, and proceeded to scientifically go about fixing that. When I dropped her because I couldn't stand the level of self-loathing anymore, she had passed well through the bottom threshold of my "acceptable weight for attractiveness" range, and was still furiously appalled at how disgustingly fat she was. (Had she been happy with her body in general, and just been wanting to increase her strength with the furious workouts, that would have made up for the very-fit POW look.)
I think while many female actors are lovely, much of that is due to force of personality, makeup, and post-production work. I had friends in theatre in college, and one night Amanda took it into her head to make me over like a model. So I learned the tricks, and I learned how to do what looked best on me with a minimum of paint and powder.
I must admit to having a "type" of women that I am physically attracted to. Dark hair, preferably longish, and a little curly, dark (black, brown, dark blue, hazel) eyes, D cup or thereabouts, with proportional body.boojum had commentary that I took to heart when I was a teenager: "Mother Nature wants you to have that baby!" Like Aral and Miles Vorkosigan, the ability to survive a small famine is a plus in my book.
I don't really think that men expect porn stars to be real women, any more than women expect the mannequins in department stores to look like real women. (YMMV, of course.) A porn star is a vehicle for a fantasy, not an actual woman of the kind you expect to have a give-and-take permanent partnership with. Expect a pornstar to put away the dishes after you wash them? Riiiiight. Expect her to spend quality time snuggling after sex? Riiiiiiiiight. I have it on very good authority that snuggling after (and before, and without) sex is one of the things that men like best too.
If someone's in a sexual relationship, and only wants sex out of it, and not actual relationship stuff, then they might as well be wanking to porn. There will be just as much, if not more, involvement, and less chance of hearts breaking. If, however, they're mature enough to want hugging, kissing, couple in-jokes (right, hotlips? *ducks*), and all the other things that come with a relationship, that's what porn can't give, and a real partner can.
However, as with everything, it's to be used with caution. I wouldn't dream of giving the Little Fayoumis (when he gets old enough) porn without first making sure his basic grasp of anatomy is in place, and also the standard tutorial on relationships. We've been working on the "I don't happen to like that, but I'm glad you like it" concept with toys and movies and games. He's OK with the fact that his mom hates Star Trek in all its forms and he and I both like it. This is preparing him to be OK with the idea that he will like things that others won't, and that it's OK for him to not like things that others do. This is especially applicable to sex.
I would far rather have him learn the positions and the techniques from a well-staged video instruction with text backup (Mom's copy of the Kama Sutra, anyone?) than being tempted to try it before he and his partner are ready mentally and emotionally.
I don't approve of bad porn. But, Sturgeon's Law, 90% of everything is crap. I'd far prefer to personally preview and select age-appropriate, experience-appropriate materials for him, rather than having him run into the infamous sorts of things that give porn, especially internet porn, their traditional bad name. (That link is text-only, but ... bad.) We won't be, for example, exposing him to La Blue Girl before he's seen and been OK with many, many other things.
I like to pride myself that I have a realistic ideal body image and physical standards for myself. I know that for my body type, unless I were super-buff, more so than I would have time to maintain, I would be dangerously too thin if I could fit into size 14 jeans. I know this because in high school, I scared my fencing instructor by nearly passing out from lack of eating. I was a comfortable size 16 at that point. I'm 5'6" and change, and I can pick up and twirl around most average-to-slightly-heavy grown men, as well as scoot a fully made up steel-pipe bunk bed by myself.
I could use some improvements (wearing jeans of a size less than the current greater-than-twenty, having my face clear up some, less frizz in the hair) but for the most part, there is not much that I could or would want to do to improve my body to get it to look like my ideal. (Melissa auf der Maur is gorgeous. I could stand to be proportioned like her, though maybe a little heavier in the chest. I'm just saying.) I was hot in high school, and I wouldn't mind looking like that again. (I was wearing a bra in the 6th grade. I was mistaken for a teacher in my freshman year of high school.)
I have found that attitude, personality, and mind is the defining factor in the sort of relationship that lasts, not a porn-star body.
pyrogenic, I thought he was nearly the ugliest man on Earth. Then I fell in love two seconds after I realized that he also liked Star Trek. That was my defining moment in the contents != cover lesson. I realized that while his initial impression was Mr. Ugly, deciding that I loved him made me find him extremely hot. And I'm talking hot to the point where I was painfully aroused in his presence. Then there was Slackerprep. Buff, but not too bulging with unnatural muscles. Tanned, but not in the courting skin cancer way. Smooth, attractive voice, and that certain sparkle in his eye. After a few weeks of dealing with him, he made my skin crawl. Not only was he offensively overly familiar, but he was dumber than two rocks being banged together by a bit of primordial ooze. I have trouble seeing clean-cut preppy-type men as attractive, anymore.
In the end, I found that while there wasn't one physical look that would turn me on in men, that the men I found lastingly attractive were the ones who I was able to spend time with, the ones who could smile just so, get me to double over laughing, never made me jumpy and distrustful. Best friend material, in other words. Long hair that can be played with a bonus.
Some women declare that they want to look like fashion models, or that they can't measure up to porn-star standards. *shudder* Um, no. One former denizen of my friends list was perfectly attractive when I first saw photos of her. She ranted and raved about how disgustingly fat she was, and proceeded to scientifically go about fixing that. When I dropped her because I couldn't stand the level of self-loathing anymore, she had passed well through the bottom threshold of my "acceptable weight for attractiveness" range, and was still furiously appalled at how disgustingly fat she was. (Had she been happy with her body in general, and just been wanting to increase her strength with the furious workouts, that would have made up for the very-fit POW look.)
I think while many female actors are lovely, much of that is due to force of personality, makeup, and post-production work. I had friends in theatre in college, and one night Amanda took it into her head to make me over like a model. So I learned the tricks, and I learned how to do what looked best on me with a minimum of paint and powder.
I must admit to having a "type" of women that I am physically attracted to. Dark hair, preferably longish, and a little curly, dark (black, brown, dark blue, hazel) eyes, D cup or thereabouts, with proportional body.
boojum had commentary that I took to heart when I was a teenager: "Mother Nature wants you to have that baby!" Like Aral and Miles Vorkosigan, the ability to survive a small famine is a plus in my book. I don't really think that men expect porn stars to be real women, any more than women expect the mannequins in department stores to look like real women. (YMMV, of course.) A porn star is a vehicle for a fantasy, not an actual woman of the kind you expect to have a give-and-take permanent partnership with. Expect a pornstar to put away the dishes after you wash them? Riiiiight. Expect her to spend quality time snuggling after sex? Riiiiiiiiight. I have it on very good authority that snuggling after (and before, and without) sex is one of the things that men like best too.
If someone's in a sexual relationship, and only wants sex out of it, and not actual relationship stuff, then they might as well be wanking to porn. There will be just as much, if not more, involvement, and less chance of hearts breaking. If, however, they're mature enough to want hugging, kissing, couple in-jokes (right, hotlips? *ducks*), and all the other things that come with a relationship, that's what porn can't give, and a real partner can.