Mood log: bad

[azurelunatic]

Bad thoughts again this morning. Method, not just concept. Well, method's been lurking in my head for a while, but this was more graphic -- and sharp! -- than the usual "I'm grumpy and miserable and feel hopeless about everything and like a terminal screwup".

But it didn't feel urgent. Just, you know, I feel lousy. Or did then.

That was, what, 11-ish?

Comments

[ornjkitty.livejournal.com]

Grrrrr. I hate that feeling. I have actually been reading the Bible lately to try to stave it off (seeing as how Christianity is allegedly all about love and stuff). So far, all I've gotten is "people treat you rotten and it's all your fault because you deserve it even if we haven't figured out why yet, so you should just suck it up and expect to be miserable for the rest of your life, you piece of scum" (which is mostly what I picked up from eight years in Christian school, and is kinda the main thing that turned me off the whole religion business in the first place, LOL! But at least it takes a LOT of effort and willpower (yup!) and concentration and stuff, so it keeps my mind off things. And maybe one of these days I will right a book about things that are just plain wrong and/or mentally screwed up about the stuff that is in there. No wonder our society is so dysfunctional. It all started in the book of Genesis, which seems to be about God having one big hissy fit after another (so much for a loving parental environment)! :P )
Anyway, I would expect reading complicated computer manuals would help just as much, I am just too fried to read anything like that right now.

Anyway, this is more about how messed up I am than about you, but I DO hope you feel better soon. Feeling that way sucks big time!

[ornjkitty.livejournal.com]

Errrrrrrr, I mean 'write' a book, LOL. Can't think about much that is 'right' about what I have read so far. Well, the book of James wasn't too bad, but Genesis is a bit hard to take.

[azurelunatic]

It would probably give me a headache and spur me on to heave the book across the room.

I recommend Diane Duane's Young Wizards books. Kids books, or teens' books, but great.

[ornjkitty.livejournal.com]

LOL. That is where the willpower comes in. Plus, it gives me someone to argue with, if only figuratively. I am finding it too difficult to read fiction right now. And I don't have any complex mathematical stuff to work on, so I am using that. I have one of those cross-referenced thingies, so I am typing it up with the cross-references and spending a lot of time on page formatting, so it involves stuff that I generally find soothing. It is more a matter of turning off brain power so I don't have to think about anything. It is just interesting how strongly that moralistic claptrap comes across, every time I think it might just be me getting het up about it, and give it a second chance, it is always worse than I remembered. I think that perspective helps at times: "These are the people who think they are 'right', and this is how messed up they are. Maybe I'm not so bad after all, whatever they think."