Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2003-12-12 02:39 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2003-12-12 02:39 pm
Routine, expectations
I remember getting tremendously upset as a kid when my parents would tell me that we were going to be doing something, and then having it not happen, or when something we usually did was suddenly cancelled with no warning.
I noticed that our kid, Little Fayoumis, was getting upset when things happened that were not part of the daily routine.
I started making a point of telling him about all the upcoming events -- my schedule, his mom's work schedule, our other co-parent's schedule, holidays, things we were doing together, planned outings, and so forth. I started stressing which things went with which days of the week: Monday is the first day of school in the week, Friday is the last day of school in the week, Mommy's usual days off are here and here...
This chilled him out a lot.
I explained deviations from the routine before they happened, so he'd know to be prepared for them. Before having new situations and environments, I started explaining what he should expect, even if I didn't think he'd like it. Some of that's self-fulfilling prophecy, to tell a kid that he'll probably not like something before taking him to it, but I think it's better to warn him, "This is going to be a lot of grown-ups talking about stuff, and you may be very bored, and I still expect you to be quiet and good, and you may bring one car in your pocket," rather tnan saying, "Oh, it's going to be very fun and you'll love it!" which is a lie and not fair.
LF's calmed down considerably about stuff happening, as a result. He's happy that he's being told what's going on, and he's happy that he'll know vaguely what to expect. He's a member of the family too, and it's unreasonable to not tell him when he can expect to spend any time with his mother.
My systems analysis teacher started talking about expectation management, and how it was good to tell your user what to expect, and then meet or exceed their expectations, rather than tell them an overinflated view of what your system was going to do, and then disappoint them. I realized that I was already doing this with Little Fayoumis...
I noticed that our kid, Little Fayoumis, was getting upset when things happened that were not part of the daily routine.
I started making a point of telling him about all the upcoming events -- my schedule, his mom's work schedule, our other co-parent's schedule, holidays, things we were doing together, planned outings, and so forth. I started stressing which things went with which days of the week: Monday is the first day of school in the week, Friday is the last day of school in the week, Mommy's usual days off are here and here...
This chilled him out a lot.
I explained deviations from the routine before they happened, so he'd know to be prepared for them. Before having new situations and environments, I started explaining what he should expect, even if I didn't think he'd like it. Some of that's self-fulfilling prophecy, to tell a kid that he'll probably not like something before taking him to it, but I think it's better to warn him, "This is going to be a lot of grown-ups talking about stuff, and you may be very bored, and I still expect you to be quiet and good, and you may bring one car in your pocket," rather tnan saying, "Oh, it's going to be very fun and you'll love it!" which is a lie and not fair.
LF's calmed down considerably about stuff happening, as a result. He's happy that he's being told what's going on, and he's happy that he'll know vaguely what to expect. He's a member of the family too, and it's unreasonable to not tell him when he can expect to spend any time with his mother.
My systems analysis teacher started talking about expectation management, and how it was good to tell your user what to expect, and then meet or exceed their expectations, rather than tell them an overinflated view of what your system was going to do, and then disappoint them. I realized that I was already doing this with Little Fayoumis...
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if he is kindergarten age at least, you could give him his own calendar for "insert your holiday of choice here" and help him put stickers or something so he can see what is coming up as well! it also teaches calendar skills....
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Now, if only we could learn to write more neatly...
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Good For you!
Re: Good For you!
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