azurelunatic | Back Once More

Umm, Az, you're not exactly prone to jealousy. And I don't even know Adam, and my alarm bells are going off. This is a Not Good thing...

Well... maybe it's just the circumstances of their first breakup.

I like to think of myself as a loving and trusting soul, but ... I don't know her, I don't want to know her, and I don't like the thought of them being together at all.

This is one of those polyamory situations where you wish you had veto power, but dammit you can't use it, because it's not that type of relationship, it's not monogamy, she's got first claim on him anyway...

...It would be different if she were a new girl that I were feeling this way about, like she was some intruder who was going to try to rip my dear beloved Adam to shreds. But she's an old friend of his, a good old friend of his, and the fact that she betrayed him in love is immaterial; she's sorry and she's going to make it up to him. She admits that she was wrong to do what she did, and she's sorry she broke his heart.

I wish I had an objective enough perspective to where I could meet her without her knowing who I was, and then make some sort of judgement call based on actually meeting her, rather than hearing rehashed stories through Adam, who obviously cares enormously about her. But if I see her, I just know that we'd get into a bitch-fight, because when I feel that "my man" is in danger of getting hurt, emotionally or otherwise, I tend to shred s/he who's trying to do it.

Adam's not Shawn. He wouldn't leave me for some other girl I hated after getting her pregnant, and then expect me to smile at the wedding.

Adam's not Shawn. He cares. He loves me. We're not exclusive by any means, but ... he loves me.

...I just wish he'd go after someone safe like Jennie.

But if I see her, I just know that we'd get into a bitch-fight, because when I feel that "my man" is in danger of getting hurt, emotionally or otherwise, I tend to shred s/he who's trying to do it.

Again, I don't think you're a jealous person, so have you spent time thinking about why you're feeling like this toward someone you've never met? Why do you feel he's in danger? (For that matter, any clue why my alarm bells are ringing?)

Your love life isn't something I normally comment on. ::grin:: However, from your first comment about Adam's ex getting back in contact with him (out of the blue after four months? Do we know *why*? Just some random urge to apologize?) I have this Hawk sitting on my shoulder, going, "This is a Bad Thing. Do something about it." (To which I growl, of course, "What am I supposed to do about Bad Things happening in Phoenix? I'm in Dallas!" and then go ahead and post, of course...)

It's weirding me out, honestly.

The moment I heard that she was back in contact with him -- no, wait.

I knew there was something the matter the first time when he saw her get online on one of the messenger programs and started freaking out over it. Honestly, he sounds about as stable on the matter of her as I do over the matter of Shawn. This is normally no cause for alarm, because people do break up with each other and then have little mental bugs about it for years afterwards.

Just...

I have this alarm sense, OK? Votania calls it "the psychic psycho-radar" or words to that effect. She tells me it's going to get stronger and more accurate as time progresses.

Tonight, for example, it told me that there was bad news happening outside in our apartment complex, while I was doing my laundry. I saw, smelled, nothing out of the ordinary. Didn't hear anything weird. Just saw two people, women, hanging out.

Next time I came through, there were the police, and they were questioning this guy I just *knew* was bad news, who was hanging out on the elevated walkway smoking. He doesn't live here. He's visiting a friend.

Votania and Alan, two of the more advanced Practitioners I know, both have kept telling me and telling me that I need to trust my perceptions more, that my senses aren't going to lie to me, that it's me who needs to keep from lying to myself about what I'm sensing.

When they don't think I'm listening, or when they're talking about me to each other or to someone else, they describe me as having more psychic skills than both of them put together.

I'm not exactly a dead potato when it comes to sensing odd stuff, in other words.

I don't know exactly why this woman triggers my psychic psycho-meter. I just know that the last time someone triggered me off like this, it was this one chick Dara, who River was dating. River's an ex of mine, and my biological sister's wonderful fiance.

I didn't even know Dara, but every time I was near her or heard of her, I knew she was damn bad news. Apparently the only reason she stayed with River past the first date was because the sex was so good. She shredded him to pieces by the time she was done with her. She cheated on him regularly, and bragged about it to him.

Needless to say, after making him damn near cry, she was on my shit list. Climbing into the car with his next door neighbor and staying in there for about ... oh ... an HOUR ... on his birthday...

....I did not like her, not one little bit.

I had a conflict then, a really bad one.

As good friend, I am obligated to tell a friend when I think they're about to fuck themselves up the ass with a dirty dildo that's got no lube.

As Significant Other who's very much of the Other status, I have to be careful what I do or say. It's very clear that I'm the junior female in case of all his other girls -- they get higher priority. He doesn't see as much of them, and most of them predate me.

But... that spider-sense, the psycho-radar, is beeping at me, twinging at me, making the damn same noises it was making around the demons that night.

(...demons? Yes. I wish I were kidding. No, I'd rather not talk about it. Yes, everyone's all right. No, they're not coming back.)

...But I do think this female of his is severely bad news.

As Significant Other who's very much of the Other status, I have to be careful what I do or say. It's very clear that I'm the junior female in case of all his other girls -- they get higher priority. He doesn't see as much of them, and most of them predate me.

But... that spider-sense, the psycho-radar, is beeping at me, twinging at me, making the damn same noises it was making around the demons that night.

I would have to argue that being "careful what [you] do or say" is a bad way to have a relationship. But then, I'm rather known for my radical honesty, for lack of a better term.

Do you say there are others in the picture besides this one ex-gf? If so, you could open the conversation by pointing out, "This isn't a jealousy issue, I don't think...X and Y don't bother me at all...but I'm having serious problems with the idea of you getting back together with THIS person." And tell him why. Sit him down for a serious conversation on the topic.

He knows you're a witch; have you ever discussed magical things with him? Does he know, even a little mention, about this psychic psycho-meter of yours? (And I LOVE that term and am appropriating it henceforth!) Is he the type who would listen or scoff if you mention the fact that *my* psychic psycho-meter is pinging pretty loudly, too?

(...demons? Yes. I wish I were kidding. No, I'd rather not talk about it. Yes, everyone's all right. No, they're not coming back.)

I remember the mention about it. And if you ever find yourself needing to talk to someone about it who's been there and done that and won't scoff...you know how to get ahold of me.

*sigh*

I had a chat with Darkside this morning. His vote goes in for "Azz is just being a jealous bitch again."

I just don't know why my psycho-sense is yelling!

The "careful what I do/say" means that I am not technically his Primary, and should not accidentally try to claim relationship privelages and rights that I haven't been given. No violating of the boundaries.

There are definitely others in the picture. *sigh* We're working on things. I'm glad there's such a high degree of communication already in this relationship.

I can't take credit for the term "psychic psycho-meter" -- that's Votania's phrasing. She giggled at me when I told her the term was spreading.

I think I'm OK at the moment as regards some of my interesting history. ...Sabrina and I have started conferencing on what to do about the situation that's making all FOUR or FIVE of us ping... let's see. Yours is going off, mine is, J* at work too, Sabrina, and Votania. I think that constitutes a small situation, don't you?

Jealousy is a two edged sword. It protects the lover by driving away rivals. It gives the anger and power to do so. But what if the lover is the one who is seeking someone else? You love him and want him to be happy. You would choose someone nice for him; someone who would be good to him; someone whom you would like yourself. Jealousy is a totally bad feeling and you have to find some way to stop it.
Drive away the rival?
Stop seeing the lover so you don't have to witness the cause of jealousy?
Make friends with the rival?
Realize that the lover and the rival deserve eachother and that you got off scot free and good riddance?
Tell the lover you don't want to share his affections and make him choose?
There wouldn't be jealousy without love so it has to be a good thing in a way. It lets you know you truely love someone for one thing. It is the reproductive imperative. We must love. This Fayoumis has no solutions.

Adam or Aunt?

it was not me that wrote that. but i think he/she is on to something. there were some valid points in that writing.

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Altered Perceptions

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This is not getting any easier

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it wasn't me