Several Mean Things to do to someone on your LAN:

[azurelunatic]

• Unplug them.


• Give them a broken cable. Rewire the switch so their port looks like it's working.


• Reconfigure the firewall. Block port 135.


• Reconfigure the firewall. Tell it that when it's the five websites that the person uses the most, to send them on to /dev/null, but otherwise let things be.


• Reconfigure the firewall. Divert all incoming packets for their computer to /dev/null.


• Reconfigure the firewall. Intermittently lose all their packets.


• Lose their password for them.


• Give them an IP address out of range of what the router will accept.


• Change the gateway information and don't tell them.


• Give them an IP address conflict with another device on the network that they're trying to use.


• Divide the bandwidth fairly -- 90% for you, 10% for them. Even if they're the one who's downloading stuff all day and you only surf a little.


• Script them popup messages. Obscene popup messages.


• Give them the number of the least competent person you know for tech support to "help" them with their issues.


• Replace their Network Interface Card with an old Pokémon card.


• Give them a bad attack of nannyware.


• Convince your network security software that they are an intruder. Make sure your network security software has heavily armed monkeys.

Comments

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

I like the second one.

We already block ports 135, 137, and 139. There is no reason for us to have netbios ports accessible from either direction onto/from the Internet.

[azurelunatic]

My beloved is evil. My beloved suggested fixing up a dummy cable. My beloved has not played enough with home networking equipment enough. I pointed out that the status light would be a dead giveaway. He suggested rewiring it. Heh.

We loves our beloved...

Loving, evil, and beloved

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

Isn't that last sentence just a little tautalogical?

But yes, it is a delightful idea...

Re: Loving, evil, and beloved

[azurelunatic]

*happysigh* There are lots of ways to love him. One of them is for his mind...

[crisavec.livejournal.com]

You forgot randomly turning their port off and on in the switch.

[azurelunatic]

Oooh, yeah!
And randomly unplugging their switch for network maintainence, both by unplugging the cat-5 and by unplugging the power.