Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-01-13 09:57 am
azurelunatic) wrote2002-01-13 09:57 am
Peaceful Sleep
I finally crashed out around two in the morning, still dreadfully upset.
In the light of day I can better see what's bugging me.
This is the woman who fucked with Adam's brain so badly that he got unprecedentedly horrific grades in school, which caused the entire restriction issue with his parents, put him under academic close scrutiny, which also affects the security of his lab aide job, as you have to have a certain GPA in order to remain a lab tech. His job, of course, is keeping him in school and paying for his laptop computer.
If this woman does what she did so well last time, even half as well, she could cause all of his academic career to come crashing down around his ears.
But that's not everything. That is manageable. I don't know the rest. I don't know half of the rest. From what he's told me, though, everything in this woman's life gets slurped into a whirlpool of general disorder and confusion. A person should only be dealing with one of those sorts of people at a time.
I just remember how absolutely fucked-up River was after dealing with Dara, and how he was still bonkers over her, even though every time she got near him she destroyed bits and pieces of his life. That's something a woman doesn't always know how to deal with. Your wonderful man is breaking himself to bits over someone who may be a nice person, but who acts like a complete bitch around him?
People reveal their true natures in the way that they act. I have an enormous streak of absolute cruelty in me. I try to avoid letting it manifest. I can be a wonderfully nice person, but even if my friends are not aware of my cruel nature, I always am. If someone acts like a complete poopy-head to one of my friends, I will always be aware that it's inherent in their nature that they can be a complete poopy-head. There may be other wonderful things that they do, but somewhere in there, there's that complete poopy-head who will come out from time to time. You just must be very cautious around them to avoid that flaming asshole nature of theirs.
The damage that was inflicted on Adam's heart was great enough that I don't trust his good sense and perceptions around her. I trust him to be safe around anyone BUT his immediate family and Valerie. With them, he's got long-standing and deep psychological issues that I don't want to touch with a ten-foot asbestos pole. I'm not a trained psychiatrist, psychologist, or even counselor. All I've got to my name in that respect is that I have been legally ordained a minister in the state of California through the Universal Life Church, but that's just a formal legal recognition of my kinship with the Divine, which I share with every other human (et cetera) on the planet; I just happen to be aware of it. I've felt Adam before; I've felt around inside his heart on occasion. I don't trust him with her, not alone... not at all.
Polyamory has a concept called the veto, where you can say No! or Absolutely, positively NOT! to a relationship your partner wants to have. It's one of the most debated things... some people won't touch veto, some people have to have it, some people think it's too controlling ...
Out of all the people in the world, most of the people I would veto Adam from if I had that power, most of those he would stay away from on his own.
Most of.
Valerie is an exception, and I don't like the idea of her being near my dear friend.
She's probably a really wonderful girl once you get to know her, but I haven't gotten to know her. A wonderful girl with some deep-seated psychological issues. Aren't they all? That still doesn't mean it's a good idea to get deeply entangled with them again.
So fucking what if this is a long jealous post?
I wish I could make Adam understand that it's not the concept of sharing him with another woman that makes me nervous. He pointed out that I had no problem sharing him with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
teenagewitch. Of course not. She's my friend and Adam's sane around her and she's a generally nice person. If Adam weren't sane around her, if he allowed himself to be dragged into the middle of all that pain of hers, the pain she's bravely fighting to survive and break free of, if he had no choice but to be dragged into the middle of that terrifying pain, to see it from the inside -- I would have vetoed her with a quickness. Same goes for any other woman.
Hell, if I fell back into Shawn's illusion, and dragged Adam along with me, I'd veto me.
In the light of day I can better see what's bugging me.
This is the woman who fucked with Adam's brain so badly that he got unprecedentedly horrific grades in school, which caused the entire restriction issue with his parents, put him under academic close scrutiny, which also affects the security of his lab aide job, as you have to have a certain GPA in order to remain a lab tech. His job, of course, is keeping him in school and paying for his laptop computer.
If this woman does what she did so well last time, even half as well, she could cause all of his academic career to come crashing down around his ears.
But that's not everything. That is manageable. I don't know the rest. I don't know half of the rest. From what he's told me, though, everything in this woman's life gets slurped into a whirlpool of general disorder and confusion. A person should only be dealing with one of those sorts of people at a time.
I just remember how absolutely fucked-up River was after dealing with Dara, and how he was still bonkers over her, even though every time she got near him she destroyed bits and pieces of his life. That's something a woman doesn't always know how to deal with. Your wonderful man is breaking himself to bits over someone who may be a nice person, but who acts like a complete bitch around him?
People reveal their true natures in the way that they act. I have an enormous streak of absolute cruelty in me. I try to avoid letting it manifest. I can be a wonderfully nice person, but even if my friends are not aware of my cruel nature, I always am. If someone acts like a complete poopy-head to one of my friends, I will always be aware that it's inherent in their nature that they can be a complete poopy-head. There may be other wonderful things that they do, but somewhere in there, there's that complete poopy-head who will come out from time to time. You just must be very cautious around them to avoid that flaming asshole nature of theirs.
The damage that was inflicted on Adam's heart was great enough that I don't trust his good sense and perceptions around her. I trust him to be safe around anyone BUT his immediate family and Valerie. With them, he's got long-standing and deep psychological issues that I don't want to touch with a ten-foot asbestos pole. I'm not a trained psychiatrist, psychologist, or even counselor. All I've got to my name in that respect is that I have been legally ordained a minister in the state of California through the Universal Life Church, but that's just a formal legal recognition of my kinship with the Divine, which I share with every other human (et cetera) on the planet; I just happen to be aware of it. I've felt Adam before; I've felt around inside his heart on occasion. I don't trust him with her, not alone... not at all.
Polyamory has a concept called the veto, where you can say No! or Absolutely, positively NOT! to a relationship your partner wants to have. It's one of the most debated things... some people won't touch veto, some people have to have it, some people think it's too controlling ...
Out of all the people in the world, most of the people I would veto Adam from if I had that power, most of those he would stay away from on his own.
Most of.
Valerie is an exception, and I don't like the idea of her being near my dear friend.
She's probably a really wonderful girl once you get to know her, but I haven't gotten to know her. A wonderful girl with some deep-seated psychological issues. Aren't they all? That still doesn't mean it's a good idea to get deeply entangled with them again.
So fucking what if this is a long jealous post?
I wish I could make Adam understand that it's not the concept of sharing him with another woman that makes me nervous. He pointed out that I had no problem sharing him with
teenagewitch. Of course not. She's my friend and Adam's sane around her and she's a generally nice person. If Adam weren't sane around her, if he allowed himself to be dragged into the middle of all that pain of hers, the pain she's bravely fighting to survive and break free of, if he had no choice but to be dragged into the middle of that terrifying pain, to see it from the inside -- I would have vetoed her with a quickness. Same goes for any other woman. Hell, if I fell back into Shawn's illusion, and dragged Adam along with me, I'd veto me.
no subject
no subject
I'm trying to pretend it's not as bad as everybody seems to think it is. Otherwise I'd be going nuts.
I'm worried, and when I worry, I worry online... usually people say "Eh, it's not good, but it's survivable." This time, people are worrying.
That's not good.
Re:
no subject