Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-02-07 05:38 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2002-02-07 05:38 pm
an analysis of what went wrong with me and BJ
(from a discussion in the journal of ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
avatar_x about nice guys, bad boys, nice girls, and bitches, somewhat expanded from the original)
In my case, the issue was BJ, my ex-fiance, being a very nice guy for the circumstances he was raised with. Polite, churchgoing, very faithful and reverent... if he'd just stuck with the sort of girl he was supposed to date, they would have been just fine together. Never mind that he was a secret Satanist. She would have reformed him and that would have fulfilled her need for "bad boy".
I think something in his brain snapped when he wound up cross-dressed without really knowing how this had come about. My little sister and I did it to him, had him take off his shirt and put this on, now take it off and stand still for the padded bra; ok, now take off the pants; hold still for the makeup... it warped his mind. Ordinary guys aren't supposed to have to withstand all that he took. Ordinary guys just can't take it, can't take the idea that somewhere in the world, people do different things, that this is not inherently wrong, just different, and interesting. It doesn't necessarily matter if their parents find that these things are wrong, but it does matter if the other person values his mommy's good opinion over your good opinion. If he's that attached to Mommy, he should stay with her. End of story.
I think that perhaps, knowing that even just being friends with him, and he still drove me nuts to the point of wanting to bash him over the head with a very large object, in that case perhaps I should not have dated him. That was my mistake. Certainly I should never have gotten engaged to someone I wished to kill 25% of the time. Thinking that a relationship will change anyone, especially for the better, is risking a whole hell of a lot.
My new rule is this: I shall never get seriously involved with someone who I would not break some of my personal commandments for.
Addendum to new rule: I shall never get seriously involved with anyone who would ever forseeably require me to break any of my personal commandments for them, or put me in a situation where I would have to break said commandments.
Why? Viceriene Countess Captain Cordelia Naismith Vorkosigan, one of my all-time heroes, threw her lot in with people over principles. People have immortal souls, you see, so you should go with the greater part. Choose for eternity, not just for today.
There's one such person in my life these days. I'd go monogamous for him. If he ever wanted me to. If he wanted me. This is why other relationships these days are on the level of friends or fuckbuddies or what have you. I love, yes, but I'll form no other bond of the 'one true love' variety; any other person I fall unendingly in love with will have to get along with him excellently well. I'm not particularly interested in following up clear potential relationships that have been offered to me. There's this guy in Scottsdale who's single and looking, the friend of a friend of a friend. Evan. I have absolutely no interest other than friendship. Why?
...I'm gone.
BJ and I, that was fate. Something meant to be only temporarily. Get me to Arizona, since I flubbed my first chance of getting there, getting to DeVry. Should have realized that the relationship was over, far before we actually separated.
Dead fish stink.
avatar_x about nice guys, bad boys, nice girls, and bitches, somewhat expanded from the original) In my case, the issue was BJ, my ex-fiance, being a very nice guy for the circumstances he was raised with. Polite, churchgoing, very faithful and reverent... if he'd just stuck with the sort of girl he was supposed to date, they would have been just fine together. Never mind that he was a secret Satanist. She would have reformed him and that would have fulfilled her need for "bad boy".
I think something in his brain snapped when he wound up cross-dressed without really knowing how this had come about. My little sister and I did it to him, had him take off his shirt and put this on, now take it off and stand still for the padded bra; ok, now take off the pants; hold still for the makeup... it warped his mind. Ordinary guys aren't supposed to have to withstand all that he took. Ordinary guys just can't take it, can't take the idea that somewhere in the world, people do different things, that this is not inherently wrong, just different, and interesting. It doesn't necessarily matter if their parents find that these things are wrong, but it does matter if the other person values his mommy's good opinion over your good opinion. If he's that attached to Mommy, he should stay with her. End of story.
I think that perhaps, knowing that even just being friends with him, and he still drove me nuts to the point of wanting to bash him over the head with a very large object, in that case perhaps I should not have dated him. That was my mistake. Certainly I should never have gotten engaged to someone I wished to kill 25% of the time. Thinking that a relationship will change anyone, especially for the better, is risking a whole hell of a lot.
My new rule is this: I shall never get seriously involved with someone who I would not break some of my personal commandments for.
Addendum to new rule: I shall never get seriously involved with anyone who would ever forseeably require me to break any of my personal commandments for them, or put me in a situation where I would have to break said commandments.
Why? Viceriene Countess Captain Cordelia Naismith Vorkosigan, one of my all-time heroes, threw her lot in with people over principles. People have immortal souls, you see, so you should go with the greater part. Choose for eternity, not just for today.
There's one such person in my life these days. I'd go monogamous for him. If he ever wanted me to. If he wanted me. This is why other relationships these days are on the level of friends or fuckbuddies or what have you. I love, yes, but I'll form no other bond of the 'one true love' variety; any other person I fall unendingly in love with will have to get along with him excellently well. I'm not particularly interested in following up clear potential relationships that have been offered to me. There's this guy in Scottsdale who's single and looking, the friend of a friend of a friend. Evan. I have absolutely no interest other than friendship. Why?
...I'm gone.
BJ and I, that was fate. Something meant to be only temporarily. Get me to Arizona, since I flubbed my first chance of getting there, getting to DeVry. Should have realized that the relationship was over, far before we actually separated.
Dead fish stink.