Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-02-08 02:26 am
azurelunatic) wrote2002-02-08 02:26 am
Insomnia
When I'm expecting Adam home, I wait up.
I'm finding it increasingly difficult to go to sleep at bedtime when Adam's not there to curl up next to.
This, of course, upset him when I flung the fact at him in a grouchy late-night "when are you coming home" conversation just now. I hung up on him, peevish and not wishing to make things much worse, which I probably did.
Fuck.
It doesn't mean I want to marry him. It just means that when I'm expecting him to be there, and be there soon (he said, home after midnight... I expect when someone says "after ....", that it's to be within an hour after that time...) I can't go to sleep without him. It's fine when I know he's going to be spending the night elsewhere, but his coming in late...
...I need sleep, dammit. Darkside was close to ordering me to go home and sleep this (Thursday) morning. I eventually did. His reasons for not making it an order: first, I wouldn't obey; second, I didn't have my keys on me.
Adam will be getting his own set of keys soon.
Why?
Why why why?
Fuckit. I sound like the whiny teenybopper posers most LJ regulars aren't petty enough to waste the time to despise. I'm tired, I hurt, I just got into a wrestling match with the cat and lost, and I know that once I'm out cold, I'm probably not going to wake up at a knock on the door, because Adam can't get in without keys, and I'm not leaving an entrance to my home unlocked in Phoenix at night.
I'm finding it increasingly difficult to go to sleep at bedtime when Adam's not there to curl up next to.
This, of course, upset him when I flung the fact at him in a grouchy late-night "when are you coming home" conversation just now. I hung up on him, peevish and not wishing to make things much worse, which I probably did.
Fuck.
It doesn't mean I want to marry him. It just means that when I'm expecting him to be there, and be there soon (he said, home after midnight... I expect when someone says "after ....", that it's to be within an hour after that time...) I can't go to sleep without him. It's fine when I know he's going to be spending the night elsewhere, but his coming in late...
...I need sleep, dammit. Darkside was close to ordering me to go home and sleep this (Thursday) morning. I eventually did. His reasons for not making it an order: first, I wouldn't obey; second, I didn't have my keys on me.
Adam will be getting his own set of keys soon.
Why?
Why why why?
Fuckit. I sound like the whiny teenybopper posers most LJ regulars aren't petty enough to waste the time to despise. I'm tired, I hurt, I just got into a wrestling match with the cat and lost, and I know that once I'm out cold, I'm probably not going to wake up at a knock on the door, because Adam can't get in without keys, and I'm not leaving an entrance to my home unlocked in Phoenix at night.