Writing group night: word count, employment, musings on boundaries of the sacred, and social bits.

[azurelunatic]

nanowrimo meetups I wasn't at. AZwriter (who doesn't have an LJ yet) showed late with kids in tow. The kids were energetic, and daycare was full up. I gave out glass hearts (after checking re: choking hazard). They left early: the kids were a little too energetic and loud.

Word count not so good with regard to the 100,000 words thing, but great for 50,000:

11,423 / 100,000 (11.0%)

Things that are good: Godiva chocolates.
Things that are not so good: melted Godiva chocolates.
Things that are good: freezers.

At Coco's afterwards, we learned that not only had Josh quit a while ago (we'd known that) but Orlando, the flirtatious waiter, had been fired. That made me feel weird. I'd come in a touch late, and had heard most of it secondhand (or possibly third or more, since the server didn't look like a primary source), but evidently "too friendly" was somewhere in the mix.

Where do you draw the line? The Lady's honest truth of it is, even though I knew the flirtation that was directed at me was going nowhere, and even though I was occasionally playing along, I was made profoundly uncomfortable. How do you teach a woman to say, "Actually, even though I like you just fine, that just crossed a line"? I think I would be more willing to express my boundaries in a private situation. In private, the training is very clear. Boundaries raise their alarms, and you listen to that, or you could die. In public, though, in a situation that is made safe by the presence of other women who are not alarmed on your behalf, there is no physical incursion being made...

How do you train a woman to say, "Actually, my heart is given, and it's not a topic to be toyed with, even in jest"? There are some things too sacred to be poked at and then brush it off with an "Oh, I was just playing." Many people put religion in that class, the too-sacred-to-touch file. Just thinking about it, I get the twinge down in my diaphragm that means that there's some unhealed soul-wound that needs cleaning, and probably more mulling over, and a post of its own.

No, I don't think he deserved to be fired. But I can very easily see how something that he intended as fun in no ill will could violate those invisible boundaries that don't always set off audible alarms when touched. I can very easily see someone whose boundaries were pressed close and stepped over raising a racket. I can very easily see how that could lead to a termination.


witchofrock's friend Zeke showed up at Coco's with his laptop. A good time was had by all. I am relieved that Zeke and I have demonstrated that, despite past unpleasantness, we can interact civilly in a public place. (Not that I was expecting bad things to happen, because Jenn would have made firey doom rain down upon our heads if anything went badly, but I was not expecting to see him.) This, too, probably deserves a meta-post about my long memory and caution in the context of any given unpleasant encounter.


I'm very meta tonight, and I still need to get some sleep. Hooray, sleep.

Comments

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

I had a problem like that with a guy who worked in a grocery store I frequented...I finally slipped a note one day that just simply said "you are a nice person but sometimes you exceed my personal comfort zone. Please don't touch me physically and don't make comments on how sexy I look, etc."

He was all hurt and snotty for a couple weeks, but got over it.

[azurelunatic]

It's good that worked out.