Envy

[azurelunatic]

Sometimes I envy people who are wired sufficiently monogamously that they have no chance of falling in love with a second person while they're in love with someone. It still takes time, effort, and attention to maintain the relationship and the love with the person you're in love with, but that's life.

The thing that I dislike most about being able to love so much is when I start to try to love people who are utterly inappropriate for me to love -- not just people who I'm not able to date, but people who are such that I know that loving them will cause me untold grief, yet I still want to love them and get emotionally involved with them.

It would be nice to be able to say, "I love ____, so I can't love anyone else right now. Dance card full. Go away." Not often, but just when needed. I can say that to them, no problem. The trick would be saying it to myself.


Inspired by a post and my comments in same

Comments

[carbonelle.livejournal.com]

In general, and just in my experience (including observation and literary references), feelings follow thought and action rather than the other way 'round.

Or, to put it another way, if you're sufficiently introspective (and/or motivated) try figuring out just what occurs in your head, and what actions you take after that first initial stirrings of attraction. And then, if you decide that, in all good judgment, this attraction would be unwise, do something else.

Easier said than done, of course, but then, so's life.

[azurelunatic]

This is mainly a post of general frustration after I felt the initial attraction and knew if I followed up on it, it would be serious, but it was hardly appropriate to follow up, so I didn't follow up ... and then circumstances basically smacked both of us around and said, "All right, if you're not going to do it the easy way, you're going to do it the hard way!" and shoved us together in a way that it would have been excessively difficult to avoid.

Of course, it's proving out to be a good thing, but still.

[elance.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I find myself having the same problem -- and actually had to deal with this quite directly very recently.

It comes down to choices, ultimately. I don't have a limit on love, but I do have a limit on time and energy, so it's that which I must resource. At the moment, having one very full-time love relationship takes up enough of my energy that, in all fairness to anyone involved, including myself, I simply cannot get involved with anyone else and remain sane.

(This, of course, does not take into account the fact that at the moment, I have agreed with John /not/ to get involved with anyone else, and, should that eventually become a possibility, not to get involved with anyone else who he does not wish to be involved with as much as me, and if the third person does not wish to be involved with both of us, then in all fairness, neither of us can be involved with them.)

So, my dance card /is/ full, in a manner of speaking. I have the feeling that yours is as well -- if you calculate it out, taking into account your own needs as much as the needs of everyone you are involved with, you would more than likely find it to be true.

[azurelunatic]

Oh, I *know* mine is. It's been full for quite some time. And I tell this to others, and I tell this to myself. But there's still the voice in the back of my head saying, "Ooo, shiny!" and sometimes I wish that voice would just shut up.

[elance.livejournal.com]

For that, I am afraid, we are both shit out of luck. ;)

[azurelunatic]

Without a doubt.

[elysianmusings.livejournal.com]

*shrug* I don't classify myself as monogamous but I don't classify myself as poly either. I can have love for many, in a sensual cuddly form, but I have sexual love for only one.

[azurelunatic]

It's hard for me to draw the line between sensual-cuddly and sexual, and I've got it bad for a monogamous man.