azurelunatic | Common Non-Geek Mistake: "CPU"

Common Non-Geek Mistake: "CPU"

You know that boxy thing that is the brain of your computer? The thing you plug your keyboard and TV and mouse into?
You mean the CPU?

That exchange will heat my temper from nice and cool to near a full boil in under three seconds. "The CPU" is not, and never will be, the proper name of the box part of the computer, when the main parts of the computer are the monitor, the keyboard and mouse, and the boxy part that all of the above plugs into. CPU stands for "central processing unit", which is, on most household desktop or laptop computers, your Pentium chip, your Celeron, your Athlon -- not the whole honking box, but the smartest and hottest chip inside the box.

The standard household desktop computer has a fuckton of a lot more stuff inside the box than just the CPU. The CPU is usually in the middle of a contraption called the "motherboard", which has all sorts of slots and widgets to plug stuff into so that the computer's main brain can access all the niftiness. There are also hard drives, floppy drives, CD/DVD drives, sound cards, video cards, modems, ethernet cards, hard drives, power supplies, fans, and more than enough cable to satisfy a bored cat for at least a week.

Unfortunately, the Modern Inaccurate Use of Technical Terms Commission has seized onto the term "CPU" and has redefined it to (erroneously) refer to the whole goddamn box. End-users referring to the whole goddamn box as "the CPU" will either be laughed out of town when they call it this in front of someone who knows their computer's ports from a hole in the sand, or billed accordingly.

There is no one commonly accepted Geek Term to call the whole goddamn box. "Box" works. "Tower" works. "This piece what I'm kicking vigorously" will do in a pinch, provided you're kicking the right bit at the right time. There are probably a few more, but "box" and "tower" are the most common. "Case" will do, though that generally refers to the outside part and not the inside part. ("Computer" even works too, as many geeks view monitor, keyboard, and mouse as easily replaced peripherals not important to the proper functioning of the unit itself.) But if you call it "the CPU", or, just as bad, call the whole thing "the hard drive", prepare to be laughed out of town.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That's odd. I've taken computing lessons, seen other computing lessons, talked to all sorts of geeks around the world - and NO ONE has mentioned the concept of CPU like you have.

Wouldn't technically that "box" be appropiately called a CPU anyway? All the chips and boards and drives are in there processing something. Inside that box is where most, if not all, of the computer's processing takes place. Hence Central Processing UNIT. that chip doesn't do processing alone.

I think it's just an among-us-geeks thing. Yeah, the box is not the CPU. It's just *not*. There is something *specific* called the CPU, and to call something else the CPU is to confuse. Terms must be delineatory amongst Geeks. We're linear that way.

We tend to be more free when discussing with non-geeks, so you may not have noticed. (Am assuming, when you say taking computer lessons and "talking with geeks". Apologies if the assumption is incorrect.)

Amongst ourselves, we might refer to the process as "humoring the end-user", because it's not worth it getting in screaming fights over terminology when they're unlikely to ever need to know the right name for something.

All of the processing goes on inside the box, but there are lots of things in the box that do not do actual processing, let alone being the one central thing that does all the processing, so no. It's something that a hardware geek would have an absolute screaming fit over, though it might pass a software geek by entirely. I've been trained in both.

> that chip doesn't do processing alone.

Actually, it pretty much does. The only major exception these days is your graphics card - your GPU. Everything else just does support-work for the CPU.

Hmm, interesting. So what are all the other boards and chips there for?

*is not snarky, is genuinely curious*

Most of them are what would have traditionally been described as peripherals, although these days that only covers things physically outside of the case.

You'll have, in a normal PC, a 'north bridge' and a 'south bridge', which will handle various things, most of which don't involve any actual /processing/. They handle getting one interface or bus to talk to another - like the PCI expansion bus, or the USB bus, or the memory bus, or the IDE drive bus. The CPU talks to those chips, and those chips talk to the bus - that way you don't need to develop a new CPU to support USB (say), you just need a chip on the motherboard (or on a PCI card) that does it.

/Some/ chips will do processing - for example, VIA's mini-ITX motherboards include chips which will decode DVD video rather than having the CPU do it. They also have hardware surround-sound decoding, and some have hardware (that is, a specific chip/part of a chip) processing for cryptography. The graphics card (also known as the GPU - Graphics Processing Unit) is the same - it handles processing for specific tasks, most of which are quite convoluted and math-heavy.

Even given that, the only bit on a normal computer that is capable of general purpose use is the CPU. Everything else is highly specialised and does one task only, and often that task isn't anything you could consider 'processing'.

Funny. My keyboard and mouse are plugged into a USB hub. Not directly into the box that makes a nice toe warmer under the table. ;) Which as you've seen, I always lovingly refer to as the damn XPbox. Probably because I had a mac long enough that I had to differentiate. *smirk*

Not to mention the house also has two linux boxes and a 2k box. So, uh... yeah.

I think I'll shut up now and go to bed.

Heh. *grin*

I've got the laptop here, Thalia (a damn XP box, but since I don't do anything major on her besides word processing and surfing, I hardly notice), and my dear Tigereye (2k laptop) is fostered out to my blonder half. There's a great big tower of unknown content (dumpster diving OS) which probably has Red Hat, to judge from the stickers on the outside. Lord Mark (a once and future linux box) is with Darkside too.

Can I call it a "cpu holder", like the CD-ROM drive?

(Sorry, it's late and I am very tired, and swapped letters seem like advanced humor)

*snicker*

That is the kind of Wrong that I can relate to.

You know that boxy thing that is the brain of your computer? The thing you plug your keyboard and TV and mouse into?
You mean the CPU?

That exchange will heat my temper from nice and cool to near a full boil in under three seconds.

In all fairness to the person answering the question? You *did* start out by referring to it as, "the brain of your computer." If one asked me what the brain of the computer is, I would say the CPU. If you directed those two questions to me, I would ask, "Do you mean the tower OR the CPU?" Because they would honestly confuse me. I don't plug my keyboard and mouse into the brain of my computer.

*shrug* Just an objective opinion.

In general, however, I fully sympathize with the rant about idiots and computers. Know what I had to do first thing yesterday morning? My co-worker tried to turn her computer on, and went, "Oh, no, Ro! My computer won't turn on!"

Her first question after that was to ask if I had any problems with my computer that morning. (Reasonable question, if her problem had been *logging in*.) I told her no. She hadn't yet called me over for *help*, so I kept on doing what I was doing, assuming she was still trying things. After five minutes or so, I realized somehow from her muttering (I forget what she was saying) that her computer was apparently not doing *anything*.

I walk over, and ask her what the problem is. She punches the power button on the tower, and says, "It just won't *turn on*!"

I grin.

"Okay, the first question is, then, 'Is it plugged in?'"

She points to the power strip and says, "The red light is on."

I mentally roll my eyes, but she honestly is a very sweet older lady and isn't stupid, in general, just ignorant about computers and doesn't think outside the box much, so I don't actually roll my eyes. "That means the power strip is plugged in, but is the computer plugged into *it*?" I see the light go on in her eyes, as I get down on my knees, pull the computer out a bit, and feel behind it for the power cord. And feel. And then pull the computer out a bit farther and realize...the power cord isn't just loose, it ain't THERE.

"Huh. Where's the power cord?" I look around and find it on the floor, and plug it in, and the computer starts booting up.

Co-worker squeals. "Where'd you find that?!"

This time I *do* roll my eyes. "On. The. Floor. It just got pulled out. It happens."

We discuss that the cleaning people might have knocked it out when they put the trash can back in under her desk. No biggee.

But yeah. Computer idiots. *sigh* I don't know *how* many times I have had to show this particular person how to find a document that's "disappeared". She thought when you click on Start, and Documents, that that was her My Documents folder, and wondered where some of her docs had disappeared to. *sigh*

Dialogue was imaginary, fortunately for any end-users. I saw a reference to "CPU" meaning "tower" in a community, though, and on top of seeing the same reference ON A FURNITURE BOX FOR A COMPUTER DESK, that was it, and I had to rant. At length. Late at night.

!!!!! *Applause* !!!!!!

*bows*

AMEN!

Yep.

To me, it's as offensive as calling a perfectly good vagina a "cootchie".

And here's one of my linguistic pet peeves, although I don't know if you actually triggered it or not because "cootchie" is vague enough it could mean either: vulva versus vagina. I get so tired of people calling the flappety external bits "vagina".

Vulva+vagina is another logical grouping of things that should have a tidy scientific name for the grouping that doesn't really have one, isn't it.

But yes, I do know the difference between vulva and vagina, and for the longest time just before puberty hit with a vengeance, I did not discuss the Volvo automobile.

::nods::

I've always referred to it as the tower.

I hear about 25 acronyms a day, though. it's mystifying, but I won't use one of them unless I know exactly what the letters stand for. I know that, if it were me in that situation, I'd use fake ones to see if they gained in popularity.

"RTFM" is a common technical solution to problems. In business-speak, it translates out politely to "Read the Furnished Materials". We, of course, would refer to it as the "Fucking Manual" (not the Kama Sutra).

We use RTFM as a general catch-all for "follow the instructions", "look it up" and "do your research."

How 'bout PBKAC? (Problem Between Keyboard And Chair)?

My LDS friend-and-associate commonly refers to monitors as CTRs.

Which is unremarkable if you're a geek and not familiar with Mormon-stuff, and is unremarkable if you're a Mormon and not familiar with geek-stuff, but I have had to raise my eyebrows at him more than once and intone, "Cathode. Ray. Tube. Not Choose The Right."

I've always referred to it as 'my monster.' Being that my tower case has more bays than it doesn't, has little blue lights that look like glowing eyes at night, and the fans are loud enough that it sounds like it's growling. I really need to replace those fans.

I need a comedy mask sticker for Thalia here.

Yup, you're a geek. You have your TV plugged into your ... tower. I was very tempted to call it the CPU. I can't bring myself to do it though. Even for a (bad, predictable) joke.

"Box" seems ... I dunno, too primative?

"Tower" is discriminatory. I'm itching to get a desktop case again. Down with minitowers! This from a guy that had a full server case in the not-so-distant past.

I think that this is why us geeks often name our computers. You no longer have to say "my box/boxen." You simply say "Sheila" and any geek can read a few sentences of context and go "ooooh, his FreeBSD box!"

I've done far too much rambling in a stranger's journal now. G'bye.

Though if you have a whole group of computers who get talked about regularly, and they're named, say, "Sheila", or "Thalia", a non-geek might wonder why all these women who are not the person's girlfriend are talked about in such loving terms, and whether or not the girlfriend knows.

*snicker* Yup. Good rant. And one I often make myself.

So, the "CPU" is the brain, not the whole thing. The "case" is also not the whole thing; the case, which holds the brain and other stuff, is more like the skull. The other stuff includes ports for getting information into the CPU -- microphone ports not unlike ears, perhaps video ports not unlike eyes, and mouse and keyboard sockets that let the CPU "feel" what my hands are doing. There's also a thing in the front that opens wide where I can "feed" the thing discs ...

So the case around the CPU along with all the otherstuff ought to be some sort of word,like, maybe, I dunno, the "head", right?

Something like that.

Figment suggested, "I could have called it the brainbox, but you might have gotten mad..."

One of my co-workers (I was doing an informal poll of Non-Geeks, though Figment doesn't count, as he knows his computer anatomy, just not what to do with it) tended to call it "the hard drive", which isn't the right thing either. (And the hard drive has equal right to be called "the brain"; it's the memory, and the CPU is the thinking part, which makes you wonder what the part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of, if one's a serious They Might Be Giants fan.)

I think the problem lies in the fact that there is not a specific Geek Term other than "tower" or "box" that's agreed upon to call the thing, so the end-users make up words of their own.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Common Non-Geek Mistake: "CPU"

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Name for the thing

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