I'm having a really really difficult time dealing with this.

[azurelunatic]

I feel like raging and screaming. I feel like he only does housework when threatened into it. I feel like I'm the only one keeping the house from collapsing into a pile of shit lately. I feel that I can't slack off for even one day. I feel that I can't take a vacation from housework; that when I do, it all falls apart. I feel that I have no place to be complaining, because I only have school and watching the Little Fayoumis. I feel that I have no place to be complaining, because I have good health. I feel that I have no place to be complaining because I have no job. I know I'm scared to get another job. I know I'm getting agoraphobic. I know I even hate going out shopping in the daylight.

I didn't do housework very much for the past week, and the living room is dingy. I feel like it's all my fault. I feel like I haven't been doing my job. I feel like I'm a failure.

Comments

[iansha.livejournal.com]

It really sounds like you've put yourself between the proverbial rock and a hard place.
On one hand, you acknowledge that you are feeling overwhelmed and need a break... which is a good thing. Not everyone can see that in themselves.
However, you temper that by the stress of 'obligation' that you feel to complete these tasks.

Even with such obligations, one needs the ability to take care of themselves. Otherwise, you'll just burn out and /nothing/ will get done.

You aren't a failure. You are human and you need some leeway. You need to take some time and care for /you/ for a little while instead of /you/ caring for everyone else.

I hope you find some resolution.
*hugs* if you want them.

[azurelunatic]

Thanks.

I'm not particularly likely to listen to any of that, though. Well-meaning strangers are still strangers... :)

Re:

[iansha.livejournal.com]

That we are. :)

[zonereyrie.livejournal.com]

I know this feeling. I live alone now, since last June, but before that I lived over 4 years with a couple of friends, etc. I'm one of the neater/cleaner guys I know, and my best friend, who was living with me, is NOT. And the other person was ok, but still not someone who cleaned much.

Thank the gods that we had a dishwasher!

But cleaning the bathroom? I think I was the only one who ever did that. Sweeping? Me. Vaccuuming? Usually me, sometimes one of them would. 'Common' laundry (kitchen towels, etc) - me. General straightening up - me.

Normally it doesn't bother me, but there were times when it got to me. Especially when it was just my best friend and I (#3 joined us later) and he was out of work and I was working and paying all the bills - he would be home all day and do *nothing*. And sometimes I just got fed up. (Ok, sometimes he would cook dinner, which was cool.)

Sometimes I'd get tired of cleaning up for others so I'd stop - but that just mean nothing got cleaned, so eventually I'd snap and clean anyway.

[azurelunatic]

Yeah. votania is working, and therefore paying the bills, and I am cleaning. We had the dynamic worked out excellently well. marxdarx makes everyone's role that much less certain; it looks like we need to get some definitions.

[hai-kah-uhk.livejournal.com]

I can relate to that. Except for the part about being afraid to go shopping in daylight, and i'm easing up on myself in terms of feeling like a failure. but i can very much relate to the rage and the unfairness and the unendingness of it and the junk left everywhere and the Mt. Everest of laundry and how I can never properly clean the surfaces because they're always covered in stuff and... well, i can relate.

[azurelunatic]

It's probably equal parts shyness, hate of heat, and dislike of crowds of people except for when I feel like seeing them.