Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-03-07 09:27 am
azurelunatic) wrote2002-03-07 09:27 am
Better...
...sort of. I was going to get up early and call Darkside to let him know that I may wind up splitting personalities again, but in the light of morning I doubt it'll happen this fast.
If I do split, it'll be to give me the structural strength to withstand the warning signals. I don't want to believe that a friend and lover of mine can be getting himself into such deep trouble, can be disregarding any warning signals of his own. That's what Shawn did. His actions gave him little choice in an alternate path to take, after his daughter came along. Take note that Shawn's wife got pregnant despite the Pill, as did my old friend D.C. ....
The way to deal with this is not to scream recriminations at him, though, nor to play tug-of-dick. (I played that, literally, with Shawn's wife, with Shawn's appendage being the one tugged and snatched back and forth.) No matter how much I want to. No matter how much it hurts to watch him treading the fine line of potentially fucking his life up incredibly seriously. I have no idea what there is with her that would screw him over so badly, but I have no choice but to trust my intuition.
...And Neighbor was wrong. I did think of Darkside as "mine", or at least potentially mine, someday mine, before he started dating Votania. Even then, the idea of his being hers was compatible with the idea of his being mine.
The thought of V and Adam being together is just not something I am at all comfortable with. Adam is not treating the situation well. Instead of hugging me and reassuring me as Votania and Darkside did -- which was a welcome change from Shawn! -- he's choosing instead to help me get over my jealousy by boinking her more. I don't feel that he even recognizes how much he is upsetting me. I hope he doesn't recognize how much he's upsetting me, because that would mean that he is blind, and not cruel.
If I could veto her, I would. If I could veto her, I would.
What I told him the other night stands. It sounds like V is a person that I would enjoy socializing with, but I don't know her well enough to know whether she's a good person, a bad person, or what. Adam said that oddly enough, V had said something very similar about me; it seems that there are structural similarities to our minds.
Something about the situation, though, is setting off my alarm bells.
If I do split, it'll be to give me the structural strength to withstand the warning signals. I don't want to believe that a friend and lover of mine can be getting himself into such deep trouble, can be disregarding any warning signals of his own. That's what Shawn did. His actions gave him little choice in an alternate path to take, after his daughter came along. Take note that Shawn's wife got pregnant despite the Pill, as did my old friend D.C. ....
The way to deal with this is not to scream recriminations at him, though, nor to play tug-of-dick. (I played that, literally, with Shawn's wife, with Shawn's appendage being the one tugged and snatched back and forth.) No matter how much I want to. No matter how much it hurts to watch him treading the fine line of potentially fucking his life up incredibly seriously. I have no idea what there is with her that would screw him over so badly, but I have no choice but to trust my intuition.
...And Neighbor was wrong. I did think of Darkside as "mine", or at least potentially mine, someday mine, before he started dating Votania. Even then, the idea of his being hers was compatible with the idea of his being mine.
The thought of V and Adam being together is just not something I am at all comfortable with. Adam is not treating the situation well. Instead of hugging me and reassuring me as Votania and Darkside did -- which was a welcome change from Shawn! -- he's choosing instead to help me get over my jealousy by boinking her more. I don't feel that he even recognizes how much he is upsetting me. I hope he doesn't recognize how much he's upsetting me, because that would mean that he is blind, and not cruel.
If I could veto her, I would. If I could veto her, I would.
What I told him the other night stands. It sounds like V is a person that I would enjoy socializing with, but I don't know her well enough to know whether she's a good person, a bad person, or what. Adam said that oddly enough, V had said something very similar about me; it seems that there are structural similarities to our minds.
Something about the situation, though, is setting off my alarm bells.