Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-03-07 09:42 am
azurelunatic) wrote2002-03-07 09:42 am
Jealousy.
A direct cut and paste from the alt.polyamory FAQ:
Subject: 5). What about jealousy?
That's where I stand on jealousy. It's my considered opinion that whoever posted the snippet in my journal way back in December anonymously was WRONG. (I think it may have been one of my assorted aunts.) Something between myself and Adam is Not Right. Right now I'm feeling like my jealousy is being a moral failing, which means there's really something wrong.
If you want to go and fuck her, butthead, I can't stop you. But know, every time you're doing it, you're shredding me up. If we can't figure out what is going on with me first, and fix it, each time you do that, you shred me up. Each individual relationship of mine and yours needs review to make sure it won't hurt us. When you asked that I not make out with [name obscured] in front of you, I damn sure tried to respect that wish, and I think I did a good job of it too. I wish you would show the same consideration for me.
If it's going to hurt me this badly, is this a relationship I really need?
Subject: 5). What about jealousy?
Some people seem to have no jealousy; it's as if they didn't get that piece installed at the factory. Others, including some long-term polyamorists, feel jealousy, which they regard as a signal that something needs investigation and care, much as they would regard depression or pain. Jealousy is neither a proof of love (and this is where polyamory differs from possessive or insecure monogamy) nor a moral failing (and this is where polyamory differs from emotionally manipulating one's partner(s) into relationships for which they are not ready).
That's where I stand on jealousy. It's my considered opinion that whoever posted the snippet in my journal way back in December anonymously was WRONG. (I think it may have been one of my assorted aunts.) Something between myself and Adam is Not Right. Right now I'm feeling like my jealousy is being a moral failing, which means there's really something wrong.
If you want to go and fuck her, butthead, I can't stop you. But know, every time you're doing it, you're shredding me up. If we can't figure out what is going on with me first, and fix it, each time you do that, you shred me up. Each individual relationship of mine and yours needs review to make sure it won't hurt us. When you asked that I not make out with [name obscured] in front of you, I damn sure tried to respect that wish, and I think I did a good job of it too. I wish you would show the same consideration for me.
If it's going to hurt me this badly, is this a relationship I really need?
no subject