My introvert! All mine!

[azurelunatic]

Caring for Your Introvert

And some introverts don't get that when their friend who walks the edge of the introvert/extrovert line wants to spend time with them, it doesn't mean "we have to do something and be social". My most memorable high-quality interaction time with my best friend was the random day last November when he started playing a video game and I curled up next to him very quietly. It was interrupted with talking from time to time, but the bits I remember most clearly are the bits where we were just together, each alone with our own thoughts. And it was Safe.

I got used to our quiet mornings together at school. I resented it when others intruded. I got used to having that time that was not isolation but not interactive. "Companionable silence" is the traditional phrase.

I learned how to get him to talk to me. You do know how to get an upset introvert to talk, right? When you see they're upset, sit down a safe distance away and be very quiet.

Comments

[selenite.livejournal.com]

We found a nice way to have introvert social time. celticdragonfly is stuck in our bedroom while her incision heals, so we borrowed a laptop and ran a cable upstairs. That lets her keep connected during the day. But now I can come upstairs, tuck her into bed for the night, and work on the laptop. Used to be she'd stay up late downstairs watching me work until she was too sleepy to stay up. Now we can be together and meet each other's needs. So we're discussing how to do a permanent set-up.

The amazing thing is that I'm much more productive that way. She's a great muse.

[azurelunatic]

Oh, excellent!

[sithjawa.livejournal.com]

And some introverts don't get that when their friend who walks the edge of the introvert/extrovert line wants to spend time with them, it doesn't mean "we have to do something and be social".

Ohhhhhhhhh!

[azurelunatic]

Nearly-extroverts can be quiet with introverts. It's just a little awkward to get used to if you're not used to having a quiet extrovert there-but-keeping-a-distance.

[crisavec.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[azurelunatic]

You're welcome.

[moniqueleigh]

Oh my, yes! I'm one of those "mostly introvert, but a tad extrovert" folks. In other words, 90% of that article describes me, but I do have the running commentary thought process. But mostly when I'm alone. I don't do it around other people so much.

My poor hubby is the other way round: 90% extrovert. Well, maybe only 85%... but that's pushing it. ;) And, JD is probably about 70% extrovert. *sigh* Why do I fall for guys who constantly bug me with "but what's wrong?" and "What are you thinking about?" Gah. Not thinking, loves. Just be-ing. Just re-charging my batteries. Just enjoying being in your presence. :\

[azurelunatic]

I have public babble and what seems like easy interaction with others (complete with scads of Social Consideration), but I definitely have the Need-to-recharge-away-from-People thing going on as well. I evidently have a way of saying "People!", with the audible capital P, that makes iroshi giggle, agree, and hear it pronounced the way I say it when I write it. From me, "You're not People" is a high compliment, and a rare one.

I can stand about two hours of Party, and then I need to find a quiet little nook and a book or a sheet of paper or a computer or something. I can be accompanied, but I can't take any more Party with People.

This makes me a poor hostess except for parties with introverts.

[azurelunatic]

Not-People: Darkside, ralmathon, and Dawn. They've tested my People/not-People reactions in person.

figment0 is a People, now that the bond's broken. There will be definite adjusting in that friendship, because he's used to being not-People.

swallowtayle is probably a People, even though she's my sister, but she's used to leaving me alone with a book. My parents are People too. I can be in the same room with People unless I've had severe overexposure.

[moniqueleigh]

I can do Social, but idle chit-chat is on a Very Limited basis. I can do it sometimes (when my actress-persona is ON), but mostly not-so-much. And, I do the "People" thing too. :) Dunno if any LJ folks can hear it the way I write it, but Galoot's learned it.

And, dear gods, do I ever know the Party stuff. After a couple of hours, I need to retreat to a quiet room. There can be several people in that room, as long as the conversation is quiet. I can even handle People if they're introverts also, or quiet extroverts. But after a couple of hours of that, I'm gonna need to step outside with very, very few others (preferably another introvert or one of my guys).

[azurelunatic]

At this point, there are three humans who I'm comfortable enough around so they don't come off as People in person. I'm not sure about anybody else, even though they may be close.

Recently my social life's gone all to hell. It used to be I'd be spending more time with others. I think it happened at about the time I had to start dealing with People at work every day...

[moniqueleigh]

Oh, yeah. Dealing with People at work will soooo damage whatever social life you may have had. I was part of a lovely group of ladies who got together online (& once a month in real space) for a while, but... Work + People + Other Bits of Insane Stuff = Moni must needs go be Hermit for a while.

I don't think some of them got it. At least one claimed to be an empath & yet was convinced that it was all about her... Uh, yeah, hon. You're People, and I can't deal with People right now. *shakes head*

[azurelunatic]

In her defence, perhaps what she was picking up on was that she was triggering you off for some funky reason that Wasn't Really Her Fault. Because, if she was People, that would be exactly the case... except there's really no cure for People. They just Are.

It's really sad for me to learn that a once-bondmate is now a People. I feel my skin prickle around him now, in that way that means while he's not Dangerous, he's Annoying.

[moniqueleigh]

I thought that too at first, but then she started claiming to be basically able to read my mind. She claimed that not only could she tell what I was feeling, but why I was feeling it. *sigh* I would say, "I'm sorry, but I can't deal with being around people any more than absolutely necessary right now." And she insisted I meant, "X, I don't like you." Now, granted, my hubby wasn't overly fond of her, but I didn't personally have a problem with her (other than the People bit) until she started that.

*hugs* I'm so sorry that Figment has become People. 'Tis truly a sad thing to happen.

[azurelunatic]

I still do enjoy his company in safe and sane amounts, and I do care about him.

[moniqueleigh]

*nods* Of course. I just meant that I hate when not-People become People. That period of adjustment, in behavior, attitude, etc. And for me, the goal is always to find more not-People, rather than fewer.

[azurelunatic]

Yes. He's used to being friends with me when he was not-People. I know he feels that I'm snubbing him because the limits are so different.