azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 ([personal profile] azurelunatic) wrote2002-03-24 12:48 am

This masquerade is getting older

I think it's time to bow out as Adam's woman.

Darkside, my romantic love for him, kept things stable. I'm cut adrift, romantically, and as much as R. is a good friend and a fun lover, he's not a stable mooring to set a relationship against. I feel that Adam is entirely miscomprehending the nature of my relationship to R. R. is a good friend to me, and we play around sexually a lot and laugh about it, but the emotional age difference is too staggeringly vast to make it anything more than play-love, and perhaps not even that. Oddly enough, I can go to sleep leaned against R. on the couch, but cannot go to sleep in the same bed with him.

Adam and I will have to reorganize our relationship with each other based on Darkside's not being a totally key factor in my life anymore. I'm romantically ungrounded, with a highly charged thing with Adam going on. Are we nuts? Well, yes, if we keep this up. Burnout.

We'll have to see.