Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-05-06 03:05 am
azurelunatic) wrote2002-05-06 03:05 am
"Go forth, and sin no more"... (exact Biblical citation lost in mists of memory)
"And oh my lord prepare
My soul for that great day
O wash me in thy precious blood
And take my sins away."
--Shapenote Hymn
That's the thing. I've earned every dent, scratch, and scrape on this soul of mine. Hopefully, learned from it all. Those are the reminders I have of the lessons I've learned. Just like scars. There may be no physical reminder of some of my most painful lessons, but the mental effects, the memory of it, will always have an impact on my actions in the future. But the memory remains.
It is theoretically possible for Divinity to remove my sins from me: take everything I have fucked up at that has caused harm, and remove it from my being. The point of sin, though, the point of the causing of harm, is that we may do it, realize that we've done it, and stop doing it. In my view, humans are born neutral of Divinity, with, in Cordelia's words, the will to be stupid. Either out of ignorance or will to be stupid, we fuck things up for ourselves and others.
River and I once had a heated debate about ignorance. He argued that ignorance was bliss. I argued counter to that. We eventually realized that we meant the same thing, from different angles. I argued that enlightenment was bliss, knowing things. He argued that the bliss in ignorance was the delight in learning the things you hadn't known before. I agreed with that, and we decided that we'd just keep on using the same labels we had before, but with new appreciation.
Lack of knowledge that pain exists does not, unfortunately, automatically countermand all pain. I choose to accept that I have caused pain, and will, unfortunately, continue to cause it. I have no choice that I consider valid but to believe, to know, that at least some of that pain is pain with a purpose, akin to childbirth.
Memory of the pain I have caused, while not pleasant to me, is a constant reminder to me that I must improve and transcend what has come before me. Those who retrace through the same snow I've slogged through shall hopefully surpass me.
My soul for that great day
O wash me in thy precious blood
And take my sins away."
--Shapenote Hymn
That's the thing. I've earned every dent, scratch, and scrape on this soul of mine. Hopefully, learned from it all. Those are the reminders I have of the lessons I've learned. Just like scars. There may be no physical reminder of some of my most painful lessons, but the mental effects, the memory of it, will always have an impact on my actions in the future. But the memory remains.
It is theoretically possible for Divinity to remove my sins from me: take everything I have fucked up at that has caused harm, and remove it from my being. The point of sin, though, the point of the causing of harm, is that we may do it, realize that we've done it, and stop doing it. In my view, humans are born neutral of Divinity, with, in Cordelia's words, the will to be stupid. Either out of ignorance or will to be stupid, we fuck things up for ourselves and others.
River and I once had a heated debate about ignorance. He argued that ignorance was bliss. I argued counter to that. We eventually realized that we meant the same thing, from different angles. I argued that enlightenment was bliss, knowing things. He argued that the bliss in ignorance was the delight in learning the things you hadn't known before. I agreed with that, and we decided that we'd just keep on using the same labels we had before, but with new appreciation.
Lack of knowledge that pain exists does not, unfortunately, automatically countermand all pain. I choose to accept that I have caused pain, and will, unfortunately, continue to cause it. I have no choice that I consider valid but to believe, to know, that at least some of that pain is pain with a purpose, akin to childbirth.
Memory of the pain I have caused, while not pleasant to me, is a constant reminder to me that I must improve and transcend what has come before me. Those who retrace through the same snow I've slogged through shall hopefully surpass me.
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And, the SNAFU principle.
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