Unusual.

[azurelunatic]

Why do I feel so screamingly uncomfortable in a space that's supposed to be women-only? I feel claustrophobic.

Fandom, even the parts of it that are crazy, don't make me feel this trapped, even though LJ slash fandom is a high-female sort of space. Bake you cookies and write you porn.

I can't quite put my finger on what it is that I'm reacting to, nor what part of me it is that's reacting so much, nor quite what I want to do other than get out, get away. It's not the part of me that likes my skirts and my long hair. I's not the part of me that likes my makeup.

Part of it, I think, is the nature of the space, and my chaotic, infovore self rebels against rules that are boxes and not stickers. I don't want to be in the box. I don't mind having a name badge and stickers, because those aren't shackles. A box is a prison, and I want no part of that.

Comments

[azurelunatic]

Edited to unlock.

[leora.livejournal.com]

Do you self-identify as a woman? Does being female matter to you?

Those questions may be relevant to your feelings about female-only spaces.

I used to get along better with males than with females, so a woman-only space would have likely been a problem for me for that reason if not for others. But these days, I think that isn't as true, and I do have many female friends. But as I don't self-identify with my sex or gender it feels odd for me to be in a group entirely based on it. Although I have become more comfortable with such things with age. Although part of me still wants to say, I like many males, why must we exclude them?

That and I just don't generally like exclusions based on category as opposed to based on behavior or interest or some other aspect of one's personality. I still feel uncomfortable with things that exclude children even though I am no longer one. I still remember the frustration and anger at being categorized as unfit for a venue based entirely on my age, even though I was perfectly capable and willing to behave appropriately, which not all of the older people who were allowed in would necessarily do. But I was prejudged and rejected based on something entirely beyond my control. I don't like to do that to others. It may sometimes be worth it for some other goal, but I think it is always then the lesser of evils and not a good.

[azurelunatic]

I self-identify as a woman ... most of the time. You may have hit on part of it. I am sufficiently uncomfortable with a societal gender binary that I don't like the idea that what's between my legs can classify me in a sense that's social, rather than biological (I don't mind being asked questions about the potential contents of my uterus in a medical setting, because there's generally a reason for them to need to know). I treat being female as the genetic dice-roll I happened to get. I'm reasonably happy with the roll, and I'll play with what I have. However, I want the right to express myself in terms of whatever I feel like being at the moment.

I'm actually, amazingly enough, more comfortable with the idea of a males-only space that hands out false mustaches at the door for people who want to come in but came with a uterus as original equipment, and merely requires that they wear them while inside, than I am with the particular women-only space I wound up in, that sparked this. The space does admit anyone who identifies as a woman and has people who can confirm that yes, she is/does (and that's part of the part that makes me itch, I think) but I feel like I might break something if I tried to join whatever chatter in there.

The safe space they've tried to create is just not the kind of safe space I require. I'd be much happier in a centrist-to-liberal-geek safe space.

Re: Box not Sticker

[celtic_maenad]

That is a wonderful way to describe a chosen label versus a concept-box chosen *for* you. Also brilliant way to describe the feelings associated with being put in a box versus a label-sticker chosen by and for ones self.

You have a lovely way of words.