A Shawn moment: the cordless phone and the microwave

[azurelunatic]

Once upon a time when I was in high school, Shawn demonstrated why he shouldn't be left alone with a cordless phone or a microwave.

I wrote this one up for helpful context in metaquotes a while ago.

We were chatting on the phone. I heard the telltale signs of him getting bored. Him bored is dangerous. Him bored while stoned is even more so. He'd already slammed his nose in the door several times -- the first time by accident, the subsequent times to see if it would hurt any less. (It didn't.)

Him: "I wonder what would happen if I put this phone in the microwave."
Me: "Don't."
Microwave door: *slams shut*
Microwave: *beep beep beep HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*
Me: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU IDIOT?"
Phone: *sizzle crackle*
Me: "STOP IT, YOU IDIOT!!!"
Microwave: *HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*
Phone: *SZZCCHHHTTT POP SCCHCHCHTTHZZT POP POP HSSSST SZZZCTH*
Me: "YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY DOING THIS!!!!!!!!!"
Phone: *SZT ZZZT HCCCT SZZT SZZT!* *OMINOUS SILENCE*
My phone: "If you'd like to make a call..."
Weird Al: "In Allllllbuquerque!"
Me: "He didn't. He didn't. Oh, god, he did." *facepalm*
My phone: *rings*
Him: *subdued* "That's my third phone today."
Me: ...

Comments

[writerlibrarian]

Here from surfing my reading list network.

Now.... He's the reason that phone company put that warning "Do not put phone in the microwave." I thought it was an urban legend.

Good to know.

LOL

Made me smile.

[azurelunatic]

Oh, I doubt it was him, since as far as I know he did not then attempt to return the microwaved phone to the store and demand a refund because it was no longer working. He also did not actually get hurt.

But it was probably someone just like him, except with more of a sense of entitlement and less of a sense of proportion.

[writerlibrarian]

Probably. Or someone who returned the phone like this

Someone : This phone doesn't work

Clerk : What did you do with it?

Someone : Nothing.

Clerk : Right!!!

Someone : Might have forgotten it in microwave. Maybe.

Clerk : Head desk.

We get that type except with books.

Clerk : This book has been chewed on.

Person : I don't have a dog.

Clerk : So you chewed it.

LOL

[azurelunatic]

Someone mentioned in my presence once that a great way to get a warranty replacement on a mobile phone (wording theirs, sarcasm mine) was to microwave it for a second or two. According to them, presto, instant brick, but undetectably so (upon casual inspection). I don't know if this actually works in the wild and am strangely non-willing to test it.

[fairlight]

I did not know that Shawn BRED.

[azurelunatic]

Did I not mention in your presence? His daughter was born before I even wound up on LJ. His new wife (I don't think I've mentioned her to you yet, particularly as I haven't met her, just he talked about her the once) seems to be made of sterner stuff. And at least he has a daughter and not a son.

[fairlight]

That's just frightening. :) :) :)

[azurelunatic]

The last picture I saw was her at 4. The eeriest thing was that she looked as if she could have been my daughter.

[kdorian]

It's the "That's my third phone today" that killed me. TEARS of laughter.

[azurelunatic]

I still do not know the fate of the other two.

[kdorian]

Best not to ask - that leaves it wide open to the imagination!

[azurelunatic]

At this point I don't know if he'd even remember!

[siliconshaman]

I've heard tell of someone who was rather the worse for drink, accidentally microwaving their phone, and wondering why they weren't getting very good call reception on the raw potato they were holding up to their ear...

[azurelunatic]

... hahaha, oh dear.

[pauamma]

...

[azurelunatic]

This was only a little worse than a typical day in the life. One gets used to it, after a while.

[pauamma]

I'm scared. :-)

[thette.livejournal.com]

I love your Shawn stories.

[azurelunatic]

I am very glad that he is Officially No Longer My Problem.

[thette.livejournal.com]

When did we meet? 2003? It was over a Shawn story. :-)

[azurelunatic]

If/when Home Movies from the Cutting-Room Floor gets published, I must see that you wind up with a copy.

[thette.livejournal.com]

Definitely!

Looking back, the first Shawn story you linked me to was The Can of Beans, and I think it was in elynne's journal.

[lacey]

!

[azurelunatic]

Shawn. 100% true.

[betweenthebliss.livejournal.com]

i just laughed so hard i almost coughed myself to death. lmfao, that is insanity.

[azurelunatic]

Welcome to my teenage years.

[betweenthebliss.livejournal.com]

lolololololololol i mean really? i've done crazy shit while drunk or stoned before, but that is BANANAS. gah. *still laughing*

[azurelunatic]

Diagnosed but officially unmedicated ADHD. Some, er, "self-medication". A cunning habit of concealing any of the usual problems caused by lack of control of ADHD in any fashion from the responsible adults in question. Result: only the other kids knew exactly how badly his ADHD was out of control, and only I was able to put any kind of lid on it. It was often hilarious and sometimes a little scary.