Agreed -- the conscious mind can be vicious, it lies to us constantly, tells us things are such and so when they are not. Even the voice saying "you are not c'thia" is lying. You are. You are truth. Not all thoughts and beliefs are truth, but you (and when I say "you" I do mean "me") are not your thoughts and beliefs, you just have them. Searching for c'thia, like all other truths, means not listening to the voices that say you don't have it, you are not it, you are false. It means reaching beyond the conscious mind into the infinite beyond, and learning about that which transcends the voices that deny it.