Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2011-12-02 12:58 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2011-12-02 12:58 pm
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For anyone Googling who wanted to know about their 2005 Dodge Neon's goddamn battery...
If you come across this on Google later, I'm assuming you have a 2005 Dodge Neon sedan (or similar) and you are trying to remove the battery, perhaps to replace it. This was my experience, but if you don't know what you're doing, please get professional help if you can, and if you think anything is unsafe, don't do it. General electricity safety involves not allowing the possibility for a shock to cross your heart, so I was doing all of this one hand at a time.
You have disconnected the battery leads (negative first), including the rather large plate with the jagged teeth that secures the positive terminal. You have carefully stuffed a rag between the negative terminal and anything that might contact it. You have tugged the handle.
And the fucker won't budge, will it.
Behind the battery, as you stand in front of the car, take your flashlight and look: there's going to be a hexagonal bolt in the middle of a little metal plate. That bolt must be loosened to allow the plate to move, as that plate clamps the battery. The socket that fortunately fit the bleeding bolt in my car was 1/2".
There is just about enough space to access the bolt with a ratchet if you slide it in from the left, although if you have a ratchet that will allow you to turn it directly down, I envy you deeply at this point.
Loosen the bolt until the plate can move a little, freeing your battery.
Haul the battery out, after removing the jagged-toothed plate from the positive terminal yet again, the sly fucker.
Place new battery. Tighten bolt on the plate-clamp thing. Remove positive terminal cover. Attach the positive lead and tighten the bolt. Remove negative terminal cover. Attach negative lead. Test.
Good luck.
You have disconnected the battery leads (negative first), including the rather large plate with the jagged teeth that secures the positive terminal. You have carefully stuffed a rag between the negative terminal and anything that might contact it. You have tugged the handle.
And the fucker won't budge, will it.
Behind the battery, as you stand in front of the car, take your flashlight and look: there's going to be a hexagonal bolt in the middle of a little metal plate. That bolt must be loosened to allow the plate to move, as that plate clamps the battery. The socket that fortunately fit the bleeding bolt in my car was 1/2".
There is just about enough space to access the bolt with a ratchet if you slide it in from the left, although if you have a ratchet that will allow you to turn it directly down, I envy you deeply at this point.
Loosen the bolt until the plate can move a little, freeing your battery.
Haul the battery out, after removing the jagged-toothed plate from the positive terminal yet again, the sly fucker.
Place new battery. Tighten bolt on the plate-clamp thing. Remove positive terminal cover. Attach the positive lead and tighten the bolt. Remove negative terminal cover. Attach negative lead. Test.
Good luck.
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He's working now, and I got some new terminal clamps (plus jump-start cables, because mine were MISSING) against any UNTOWARD HAPPENINGS.
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How do I know this? My PT ate it's battery every year I owned it, including the first month and a half of ownership. *eyeroll*
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I think you might be over-thinking the danger from a car battery, though. Let's play with some science:
A car battery is 12V DC, give or take. The average electrical resistance of the human body to a 25V DC current is ~3800Ω (source, see the chart, where the points of data make a beautiful line). It takes 300-500 mA of DC current for the heart to go into fibrillation (source, table at top).
With these approximate figures, Ohm's Law gives us a current of 3.1 mA -- two orders of magnitude less than the danger level. There's probably nothing to worry about.
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Also, while car batteries might not be fatal, they hurt like hell. =p
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And I sympathise with both the language and the stupid battery. Iggy had one of those "pop-in, pop-out" batteries, once you disconnected the terminals, which made only the weight a problem for me.
I have been known to hit people with my crutches and correct them on how they may address me. Of course, all of fucking Munich 'duzes' me instead of 'Siezing'. Apparently I permanently look 16. :P
Next time Vash misbehaves, just say the word and I'll send the boy-toy round. He's a certified electronics mechanic for Mercedes-Benz. Works all day under the hood. ;)
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