azurelunatic: DW: my eloquence cannot be captured in 140 chars (twitter)
Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 ([personal profile] azurelunatic) wrote2010-05-22 11:55 pm
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azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)

[personal profile] azurelunatic 2010-05-23 05:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Relatives dying is really not the best benchmark to establish caring-about-other-humans. The usual circumstances for relief at the death of a relative are when your relationship was sufficiently weird and bad that you genuinely wanted to never see them again, but you couldn't sever the ties, or when someone (generally elderly) has suffered a long, lingering illness, their quality of life has gone down past the point of diminished returns, they may have even already left the building, and you have already mourned their loss long before their death.

Grandma's death was somewhat like that. There was no Grandma left in there. She wanted to die a few years before she actually did. When I visited in ... '03? ... she was ready. She was very ill, she was no longer able to live on her own, she'd had a good long mostly-happy, vividly lived life, she had a few precious hours a day of coherent thought, and she was ready to just go to sleep in the sun and never wake up. She didn't get that. She got a nursing home and a medical nightmare, and a daughter who's kicking herself for not having the courage to give her a compassionate overdose.

[identity profile] lady-angelina.livejournal.com 2010-05-24 02:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Ah, yeah. My dad fell in the latter category, but he got excellent end-of-life care from Mom. My condolences on your Grandma and that she didn't even get that level of dignity. =(

The former situation would be more awkward to even bring up in polite company, but I can definitely see that happening, so it's a relief to know that even that isn't such a horrible thing.
Edited 2010-05-24 14:35 (UTC)
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)

[personal profile] azurelunatic 2010-05-24 05:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Some of the socially-correct phrasings include "He suffered a lot at the end, so I'm thankful he's finally at peace", in case you have to explain it to someone again.
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