azurelunatic | My reasons for not having children

I don't want children. This will always be the number one reason, and it would be sufficient to stop the list here.

I already have children. The school of the marmalade_fish who are under my fishmumly wing (mixed metaphors much?) may not be there full time, and they weren't born of my body in the usual way, but I care about them very much. While my fish need their fishmum, I wouldn't feel right about taking such a big chunk of my time away.
After having examined both, I feel that between my memes and my genes, my genes are not the ones that I have a need of passing on.
I have passed on the important memes in the following ways: I was full-time aunt for the LF from the ages of four to eight. I have been fishmumming since 2009. I am leaving my mark on Dreamwidth, and trying to document the important parts of my brain in my journal. That's rather a lot.
Genetically, I have cousins on both maternal and paternal lines who have already reproduced. That's good enough for me.
I don't have the resources to support children right now: financially, physically, mentally, or emotionally. These could probably be changed, if my physical endurance keeps going up, if my brain starts getting sharper, if the meds situation remains stable, if my employment situation continues to improve, if I wound up with enough partners to make it practical, if my living space improved.
I don't have a partner with whom I could physically reproduce.
Even lacking a partner with whom I physically could reproduce, it would take someone pretty amazing who actively wanted children to tip me over into wanting children of our own.
I am over 30 and not getting any younger. I have the suspicion that my ideal physical childbearing years were age 16-24. My reproductive system has documented issues and has passed its best-by date. I should really have it out one of these days.
The thought of pregnancy is basically body horror to me. People survive it all the time. I have at least one friend who nearly didn't, and I don't care to be pregnant in a medical environment that prioritizes the potential life of someone who's not born yet over my actual life.
There's maybe one person where the thought of being pregnant with his child and co-parenting with him doesn't horrify me; it does take two, and "doesn't horrify" is still a long way from "actually want".
I really, really, really don't like babies.
My family has a history of anger management problems. I swore when I was about twelve that I wasn't going to continue the cycle.
I already know how I react when sleep-deprived and physically exhausted, and that's when I should least be around little helpless things that depend on me for their very existence. I make a much better parent when I'm not a ravening hellbeast.
Like my own mother, I believe that every child should be a wanted child. My parents wanted me. My parents planned me. I don't want non-fish.
BODY HORROR AAAAAAAAAAAA
Seriously, I heard my birth story last summer from my dad, and HOLY FUCKING APHRODITE NOOOOOOO. I am happy to leave childbirth to the people who actually want to go through with it, for they are badasses.

Huh, so I guess that means Azz isn't going to arrange things the way Ariane Emory did.

One of the reasons I keep a journal is so you could restore me from backup, but you do need a Maman, right?

I would not be suited to raising my own replicate, and I am not convinced at 30+ that my body needs replication.

#1 should (emphasis on should) be a compelling and satisfying answer to any who ask, not that it's any of their damn business. :)

Most heartily seconded on all points.

Happily, this is more in reaction to people around me being poked about their childlessness (which poking is a sad and mean thing to happen) rather than me getting poked. My family are basically all (except perhaps for the scarily religious lady one of my older cousins married) pro-choice and anti-overpopulation.

+1

It may, in some situations, be acceptable to ask, "Would you like to have children?" That is the only acceptable question. No questions that assume one way or the other. No "when are you going to start trying for kids?;" no "you're not going to have kids, are you?" And for gods' sake, no "why don't you want children?" "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THEM. DUH. HUMAN BEINGS HAVE DIFFERENT TASTES AND PREFERENCES, SHOCKINGLY."

If you are very, very close to a person and already know something about their reproductive preferences, you may ask about their status once if the subject comes up. You will know this is an acceptable topic if the person spontaneously discloses information about it without any prompting from you. Permission to broach the subject is assumed to be revoked if any sort of "soft no" is indicated, or if the person does not enthusiastically consent to continuing the conversation. Which means ask.

...sorry,

stormerider, I got a little ranty there. :)

I feel it's an acceptable question when a) it's legal to ask (job interview, not so much), and b) if "no" is an acceptable answer.

#3 on the list of "why I'm so glad I've gone through menopause" -- I don't get crap from people about having kids anymore.

I was about six, I think, when I decided I didn't want kids (I distilled it down to several of your reasons as I got older -- and thank you so much for the phrase "body horror" -- I wish I'd thought of it decades ago). My three older sisters reproducing six times (two apiece) between my fifteenth and eighteenth years just sealed the deal.

I came to it through TVTropes: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BodyHorror

#1 also works as "reason for not having chicken" (first read as that)

I have pet chickens (as Azz knows). I was once having a conversation with a friend (who also knew), in the course of which I made some comment about "my chickens". A bystander chimed in saying something like "oh, I thought you said chickens but I must have mis-heard, you were talking about children". No. No, I was not. I was talking about chickens.

Your girls are the sweetest.

I am happy to leave childbirth to the people who actually want to go through with it, for they are badasses.

Yes. I have so much respect for the hard fucking labor that is childbearing, and so very much less than zero interest in ever performing it myself.

Babies are a lot of work, and it's too important to halfass or ragequit. And I would do both.

Hahahaha, yeah, even the thought of pregnancy or parenthood makes me want to ragequit. Other people want that job? They can have it! And preferably not tell me any details about it.

Yep, #1 is reason enough.

My reasons for not having children

My immediate reaction to the genetic/memetic points

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And for the record, I want to parent, and the presumption that it's anyone's business drives me nuts

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