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azurelunatic) wrote2014-01-04 10:35 pm
The Night of the Three Condoms
Original includes an image of a green condom, rubber-banded to the running faucet of a kitchen sink with a little water in it already, and then an image of same sink, same faucet, same condom, only now it is holding enough water to take up the entire sink.
Also, I used to talk about my sex life waaaay a lot more on the internet than I currently tend to, so I feel that I should advise that my contribution to this thread does contains some level of detail about sex that I had about 14 years ago. I could have included more detail, I suppose, but I think I struck the balance where I make my point without getting gratuitous.
So I don’t think those free condoms universities hand out suck as much as guys say they do.
Okay, but seriously. If you’re ever considering sexy times with a guy and he tells you that he can’t wear a condom there is a 100.3% chance that he is a liar, and you should definitely not have sex with him. Don’t have sex with liars. Have sex with a cute honest people that bring you ice cream the next morning. Liars do not bring you ice cream. And if they do it’s ice cream made of lies. Ice cream made of lies is very emotionally unfulfilling. Don’t trust liars or their disease-ridden ice cream.
that was the best safe-sex talk ever.
Why I am suspicious of those who say they got pregnant because a condom “broke”…
HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER USED A CONDOM. HAVE ANY OF YOU HAD SEX YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CONDOMS. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’m sick of this shit. Just because a condom has a tensile force high enough to withstand inflation does not mean it can comfortably fit any penis. No one wants latex literally stretched against a boner like it is in this pic. A condom that is too small causes added friction which can lead to the condom tearing. If someone tells you it is too small, you LISTEN. YOU DO NOT HAVE RAW SEX WITH THEM. THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM SAYING. YOU GO BUY A MAGNUM. There are even sizes above that. SO NO THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO SAY THAT A PERSON CANNOT WEAR ANY CONDOMS BUT THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE WHO DO NOT FIT IN CERTAIN SIZES. And whoever the fuck said they don’t believe condoms break is literally fucking stupid as hell. You didn’t even try to think you slut shaming ignorant ass. Condoms do not break from things not fitting in them. They break due to frictional forces without sufficient lubricant and air bubbles trapped in the reservoir tip that push through the latex upon ejaculation. Proper application requires that the tip be pinched to remove this air while it is rolled down the shaft. Very few people know this due to the rampant lack of appropriate sex ed. Proper condom application technique and education is crucial to effective birth control and STI protection. So before you go spouting your ignorant crap, how bout you think about your penised partner and the overall function of a condom and try to spread real education rather than shaming people.
I have experienced condom breakage due to improper application.
It is fucking terrifying, especially when you are well aware of how easily diseases can spread from intercourse and neither person has any intention of having a kid.
We trusted you, condom.
*shaking fist angrily*
In the end, all was fine, no one was hurt and no kids were spawned.
Think of it like latex gloves. Yes, someone with massive hands could probably squeeze into a small - it’s stretchy latex after all - but it would be so tight they would not be comfortable at all.
There’s also the fact that latex is not happy when it has undergone extreme temperature swings, so if a condom packet has been left in a car overnight in the winter, or high summer, the intense heat or intense cold will likely degrade the rubber - thus leading it to be more delicate and break more easily.
So let me tell you about that time I was trying to have sex with my old boyfriend who I call River on the internet: absolutely gorgeous, anime fan, bodybuilder, super sweet and helpful, and OMFG HUNG. I never asked for his measurements, but think the Tantus Vamp -- it may be a pretty standard size for a dildo, but on an actual dude, it is pretty large.
We had some condoms which may have been university free condoms. I'm not sure where they came from. He put one on and we went at it.
The first one took about three strokes to roll up and off. I noticed the change in shape and smoothness (I could feel the ridge, and condoms are smoother than skin) and he felt the change in sensation, and we stopped and put on another.
The second one lasted a little while longer, and then we both felt a snapping sensation and then River was pulling a ring of pink latex off his dick and fishing more shards out of my vagina. "Where's the rest?"
"Not sure. It snapped pretty hard. Maybe it went somewhere across the room?"
His room was a mess and we were both still very much in the mood, so we found a third condom and proceeded to get on with things, much more satisfactorily.
The next day I went to the bathroom and then absolutely dissolved in laughter because suddenly I became aware where that final piece of pink latex had got itself off to. I fished it the rest of the way out of myself and carefully wrapped it in toilet paper and threw it in the bathroom trash, because flushing condoms is bad for plumbing in general and triple bad for a septic tank.
I didn't catch anything and didn't get pregnant, but it was unnecessarily exciting. After that we used larger condoms, which were much more comfortable for him, and didn't have any further issues.