Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2014-09-17 01:11 am
azurelunatic) wrote2014-09-17 01:11 am
OOPS, SHE DID IT AGAIN
Discussions with norabombay about various items including Original Male Dog? Always in order. Discussions with sithjawa about the most random stuff? Also always in order.
Came in to an amazing slice of blackly hilarious helpdesk software trivia that made my Overlady start swearing (louder) and made our manager laugh, say something bleak, and then shake her fists.
Received an invitation to sit down in my place amongst the yelliest of the people giving helpdesk software feedback, tomorrow. They will demonstrate to us some things which they think will fix some of the worst of the issues. I will, of course, be taking notes.
There was a pleasant interlude involving a bunch of 45+-year-old dudes talking about the future of mobile security, to a crowd who appreciates the ability to break shit. After both Purple and Mr. Zune said that they couldn't go but were interested in hearing about it, I took notes. My contribution to the evening involved the question: So when your mobile phone, which is basically the key to your entire life at this point in the future, gets pickpocketed off you on BART -- and your data is fine, it's all locked up -- how screwed are you, exactly? I asked this because there had been a lot of focus on how to secure various things and when to distrust more than you already distrusted, and yes those things are important, but a lot of people overlook the fact that any small, portable, and valuable item can and will disappear in the presence of a trained pickpocket.
I came back to find that:
a) the clueless wonder who seems to be the forward-facing face of the Let's Fix This Helpdesk Product had managed to do it again
and
b) crisis involving my Overlady's travel.
Both of those were straightened out. The hold music for the travel place was not bad, my cube was in need of some straightening, I got my notebook set up for tomorrow's meeting, and (once I got through to a real human) the source of the problem was one of those minor typos which can result in general catastrophic but ultimately temporary failure. I had been worried that it was the sort of thing which would ultimately require my Overlady's personal intervention, but it was all good.
The helpdesk, on the other hand!
The ticket I had filed was because of an error in their notification emails. This is one of the ones where my age and experience are a distinct advantage. I remember reading multipart emails in a text-only email reader. I was on mailing lists in those days. I am familiar with the way these things look, and the way they are supposed to look. So when the Sortable Chart of Grouse was being compiled, I chose one of the items I thought more low-hanging to make sure was formally filed.
The basic concept is this:
In the context of emails from the helpdesk software, links are not intended to be optional extras. Links are intended to be, among other things, tools for resetting one's password, tools for re-opening tickets which have been closed before their time, and tools for reading and interacting with the entire ticket and all its gods-given comments. While you probably could read the contents of the email, and then go to the website and hunt down the ticket based on the information in the email, that is not actually the recommended workflow. The links are intended to be integral.
Once you agree that the link is integral to the experience of this notification, the second part begins.
Some people, whether by virtue of them being a technological monk having taken a vow of poverty, or on a mobile device, or some other reason, have mail readers which only give them the text/plain part of a multipart message. (It is ever intended thus, that the text/plain portion of the email is the only part shown to such monks as have taken this vow, not both text/plain and text/html, for that would be Excessive and also Bad and in violation of RFC 1521, not that everybody takes that seriously in any case. But let us argue for the moment that the mail reader does in fact successfully only display the last readable section, in this case text/plain.) It is the general intent of a multipart message that when (reasonably) possible to do so, that the text/plain section of a message with rich content attempt to be as functionally identical as possible.
In order for the text/plain section of the email to be functionally identical to the text/html section, the link must be usable. Now, usable for text/html means clickable, and usable for text/plain ... well, the format kind of implies that unless the mail reader is smart about what a http:// or https:// means (remember, the s means that it's encrypted, not necessarily that the party on the other end is trustworthy -- you could be having a private conversation with your local equivalent of satan) then there won't be any clickable links involved. But the link is a functional requirement. It then falls to the user to carry out any and all link-related clickability duties. In this modern era, the method is generally via copying the link and pasting it into the browser, but even now, it occasionally comes to pass that the user must visually apprehend the link out of one tool, and painstakingly type it, character by character by character, into the browser's URL bucket. (Dear screen reader users: god, I hope your process is less sucky.)
In order for the user to interact with the URL (remember, functional requirement), the URL must be exposed to the user.
This motherfucker was generating emails which -- well, I just up and copy/pasted the source of one. (Which I had to go into Thunderbird to get, because Outlook 2013 thinks it's smarter than the user, and just doesn't fucking show you unless you go into the registry with a wrench and a ball-peen hammer, and maybe one of those little leather cloths.) The text/html version has: Click here! <a href="http://helldesk.example.com/asdfasdfjkljkl">TICKET00001234</a> -- and the text/plain version has: Click here! TICKET00001234
The first helpdesk asshole to take a look at this ticket said, approximately:
"But you can't click on the link in the test/plain version! I can explain how links work if you like! NEXT!"
I had already resorted to capslock to file the ticket. This was one of the times where I stomped away from my desk in the effort to not swear at the technician (which is frowned upon by company policy and also my manager). I explained, in increasingly small words, that the intended use case for the URL in a text/plain email is for the user to copy and paste into their browser. (If you are starting to hear the narrator of "Stuart" explaining to the Werther kid that burrowing owls live! in a hole! in the ground!, then you have got the idea.) WHY THE HECK DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT A BURROW OWL ANYWAY???
Now Stuart, do you think a kid like that knows HOW TO FIX A GODDAMN BUG?
When you copy and paste TICKET00001234 into a browser, itmakes landing strips for gay Martians doesn't bring you to helldesk.example.com/asdfasdfjkljkl. It doesn't even find you helldesk.example.com. It confuses Google, if you're using Chrome. It confuses Firefox, if you're using Firefox. I cannot even begin to imagine the havoc it will wreak on Safari.
A new helldesk person popped up, the lady I've been butting heads with a bit. She said that both the items from the ticket were lined up to be reviewed and considered.
At this point the digital monk whom I shall call Beldorion pops up, and in no uncertain (but less explicit) terms tells helldesk where they can stick their "reviewed", that this is a baseline requirement for acceptance by anyone running a text email client. So there.
The helldesk lady takes a few days to reply, and does so with ticket numbers.
I ask, somewhat nervous as to the answer, why there were two of them, as I had thought that there was only the one.
Helldesk lady says: well, there's the one about the spamfilter handling of helldesk links, and then there's the one about the helldesk links being clickable even in plain text? Which is a bug for possible investigation?
NO, YOU INCOMPREHENSIBLE TWERP. THE SPAMFILTER HANDLING WAS FIXED TWO WEEKS AGO. IN THE TICKET WHICH THAT NOTIFICATION WAS FROM. THE TICKET WHICH I INCLUDED ONLY AS AN EXAMPLE OF THE FORM. IF I HAD KNOWN THAT YOU WOULD READ THE EXAMPLE TICKET, NOT NOTICE THAT IT HAD A TICKET NUMBER, AND NOT LOOK UP THAT TICKET NUMBER TO SEE WHETHER IT WAS HANDLED, I WOULD HAVE REDACTED IT SO YOU WOULD NOT BE CONFUSED. YOU ARE A NINCOMPOOP BEYOND NINCOMPOOPS. AND YOU ARE PRESENTING TO ME TOMORROW A THING WHICH YOU THINK WILL SOLVE MY PROBLEMS. FORGIVE ME IF I DOUBT.
EARTH MOTHER, I MUST HAVE OFFENDED IN MANY WAYS; NO MATTER MY ACTIONS YOU WILL EXACT COSMIC JUSTICE UPON ME. I HAVE BEEN UNKIND AND WASTEFUL AND COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY ON SO MANY OCCASIONS. AS I CALL ATTENTION TO MYSELF, I CALL ATTENTION TO MY FLAWS AND KNOW THAT YOU WILL ATTEMPT TO FIX OR ERADICATE ME, AND DOING SO, I BEG THAT MY SISTER UNDER YOU BE ATTENDED TO. SURELY THERE ARE THINGS YOU CAN DO, GREAT EARTH MOTHER, TO IMPART UNTO HER SOME SORT OF EARTHLY FUCKING CLUE, BECAUSE I GIVE THE FUCK UP.
So after that, I washed my coffee mug, Purple wrapped up what he was working on, and we headed out to the parking lot. As we chatted about this and that (including security, and how sometimes people who are not entirely clueless about security will go for a less-secure choice to make sure that they're not permanently locked out of their shit, when the consequences of a bad guy getting into their shit are less terrible than the consequences of them getting locked out of their shit) and watched the night. Purple remarked that the security cart was moving sort of like a wooden duck in a shooting gallery. I wasn't sure if this security guy was That Security Guy. I mentioned that if he was, I kind of hoped he was getting the wrong idea, even blah blah blah. Purple pointed out, quite astutely, that people are kind of bad at the "maybe they like me?!?!?" perception check. He had a story (an ex was into him when he wasn't sure she was, and it was good). I had a story: Fencing-Dave. (And my scary, scary father.)
I will be back at bad hours of the morning. Because tomorrow's meeting is unmissable.
norabombay about various items including Original Male Dog? Always in order. Discussions with sithjawa about the most random stuff? Also always in order. Came in to an amazing slice of blackly hilarious helpdesk software trivia that made my Overlady start swearing (louder) and made our manager laugh, say something bleak, and then shake her fists.
Received an invitation to sit down in my place amongst the yelliest of the people giving helpdesk software feedback, tomorrow. They will demonstrate to us some things which they think will fix some of the worst of the issues. I will, of course, be taking notes.
There was a pleasant interlude involving a bunch of 45+-year-old dudes talking about the future of mobile security, to a crowd who appreciates the ability to break shit. After both Purple and Mr. Zune said that they couldn't go but were interested in hearing about it, I took notes. My contribution to the evening involved the question: So when your mobile phone, which is basically the key to your entire life at this point in the future, gets pickpocketed off you on BART -- and your data is fine, it's all locked up -- how screwed are you, exactly? I asked this because there had been a lot of focus on how to secure various things and when to distrust more than you already distrusted, and yes those things are important, but a lot of people overlook the fact that any small, portable, and valuable item can and will disappear in the presence of a trained pickpocket.
I came back to find that:
a) the clueless wonder who seems to be the forward-facing face of the Let's Fix This Helpdesk Product had managed to do it again
and
b) crisis involving my Overlady's travel.
Both of those were straightened out. The hold music for the travel place was not bad, my cube was in need of some straightening, I got my notebook set up for tomorrow's meeting, and (once I got through to a real human) the source of the problem was one of those minor typos which can result in general catastrophic but ultimately temporary failure. I had been worried that it was the sort of thing which would ultimately require my Overlady's personal intervention, but it was all good.
The helpdesk, on the other hand!
The ticket I had filed was because of an error in their notification emails. This is one of the ones where my age and experience are a distinct advantage. I remember reading multipart emails in a text-only email reader. I was on mailing lists in those days. I am familiar with the way these things look, and the way they are supposed to look. So when the Sortable Chart of Grouse was being compiled, I chose one of the items I thought more low-hanging to make sure was formally filed.
The basic concept is this:
In the context of emails from the helpdesk software, links are not intended to be optional extras. Links are intended to be, among other things, tools for resetting one's password, tools for re-opening tickets which have been closed before their time, and tools for reading and interacting with the entire ticket and all its gods-given comments. While you probably could read the contents of the email, and then go to the website and hunt down the ticket based on the information in the email, that is not actually the recommended workflow. The links are intended to be integral.
Once you agree that the link is integral to the experience of this notification, the second part begins.
Some people, whether by virtue of them being a technological monk having taken a vow of poverty, or on a mobile device, or some other reason, have mail readers which only give them the text/plain part of a multipart message. (It is ever intended thus, that the text/plain portion of the email is the only part shown to such monks as have taken this vow, not both text/plain and text/html, for that would be Excessive and also Bad and in violation of RFC 1521, not that everybody takes that seriously in any case. But let us argue for the moment that the mail reader does in fact successfully only display the last readable section, in this case text/plain.) It is the general intent of a multipart message that when (reasonably) possible to do so, that the text/plain section of a message with rich content attempt to be as functionally identical as possible.
In order for the text/plain section of the email to be functionally identical to the text/html section, the link must be usable. Now, usable for text/html means clickable, and usable for text/plain ... well, the format kind of implies that unless the mail reader is smart about what a http:// or https:// means (remember, the s means that it's encrypted, not necessarily that the party on the other end is trustworthy -- you could be having a private conversation with your local equivalent of satan) then there won't be any clickable links involved. But the link is a functional requirement. It then falls to the user to carry out any and all link-related clickability duties. In this modern era, the method is generally via copying the link and pasting it into the browser, but even now, it occasionally comes to pass that the user must visually apprehend the link out of one tool, and painstakingly type it, character by character by character, into the browser's URL bucket. (Dear screen reader users: god, I hope your process is less sucky.)
In order for the user to interact with the URL (remember, functional requirement), the URL must be exposed to the user.
This motherfucker was generating emails which -- well, I just up and copy/pasted the source of one. (Which I had to go into Thunderbird to get, because Outlook 2013 thinks it's smarter than the user, and just doesn't fucking show you unless you go into the registry with a wrench and a ball-peen hammer, and maybe one of those little leather cloths.) The text/html version has: Click here! <a href="http://helldesk.example.com/asdfasdfjkljkl">TICKET00001234</a> -- and the text/plain version has: Click here! TICKET00001234
The first helpdesk asshole to take a look at this ticket said, approximately:
"But you can't click on the link in the test/plain version! I can explain how links work if you like! NEXT!"
I had already resorted to capslock to file the ticket. This was one of the times where I stomped away from my desk in the effort to not swear at the technician (which is frowned upon by company policy and also my manager). I explained, in increasingly small words, that the intended use case for the URL in a text/plain email is for the user to copy and paste into their browser. (If you are starting to hear the narrator of "Stuart" explaining to the Werther kid that burrowing owls live! in a hole! in the ground!, then you have got the idea.) WHY THE HECK DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT A BURROW OWL ANYWAY???
Now Stuart, do you think a kid like that knows HOW TO FIX A GODDAMN BUG?
When you copy and paste TICKET00001234 into a browser, it
A new helldesk person popped up, the lady I've been butting heads with a bit. She said that both the items from the ticket were lined up to be reviewed and considered.
At this point the digital monk whom I shall call Beldorion pops up, and in no uncertain (but less explicit) terms tells helldesk where they can stick their "reviewed", that this is a baseline requirement for acceptance by anyone running a text email client. So there.
The helldesk lady takes a few days to reply, and does so with ticket numbers.
I ask, somewhat nervous as to the answer, why there were two of them, as I had thought that there was only the one.
Helldesk lady says: well, there's the one about the spamfilter handling of helldesk links, and then there's the one about the helldesk links being clickable even in plain text? Which is a bug for possible investigation?
NO, YOU INCOMPREHENSIBLE TWERP. THE SPAMFILTER HANDLING WAS FIXED TWO WEEKS AGO. IN THE TICKET WHICH THAT NOTIFICATION WAS FROM. THE TICKET WHICH I INCLUDED ONLY AS AN EXAMPLE OF THE FORM. IF I HAD KNOWN THAT YOU WOULD READ THE EXAMPLE TICKET, NOT NOTICE THAT IT HAD A TICKET NUMBER, AND NOT LOOK UP THAT TICKET NUMBER TO SEE WHETHER IT WAS HANDLED, I WOULD HAVE REDACTED IT SO YOU WOULD NOT BE CONFUSED. YOU ARE A NINCOMPOOP BEYOND NINCOMPOOPS. AND YOU ARE PRESENTING TO ME TOMORROW A THING WHICH YOU THINK WILL SOLVE MY PROBLEMS. FORGIVE ME IF I DOUBT.
EARTH MOTHER, I MUST HAVE OFFENDED IN MANY WAYS; NO MATTER MY ACTIONS YOU WILL EXACT COSMIC JUSTICE UPON ME. I HAVE BEEN UNKIND AND WASTEFUL AND COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY ON SO MANY OCCASIONS. AS I CALL ATTENTION TO MYSELF, I CALL ATTENTION TO MY FLAWS AND KNOW THAT YOU WILL ATTEMPT TO FIX OR ERADICATE ME, AND DOING SO, I BEG THAT MY SISTER UNDER YOU BE ATTENDED TO. SURELY THERE ARE THINGS YOU CAN DO, GREAT EARTH MOTHER, TO IMPART UNTO HER SOME SORT OF EARTHLY FUCKING CLUE, BECAUSE I GIVE THE FUCK UP.
So after that, I washed my coffee mug, Purple wrapped up what he was working on, and we headed out to the parking lot. As we chatted about this and that (including security, and how sometimes people who are not entirely clueless about security will go for a less-secure choice to make sure that they're not permanently locked out of their shit, when the consequences of a bad guy getting into their shit are less terrible than the consequences of them getting locked out of their shit) and watched the night. Purple remarked that the security cart was moving sort of like a wooden duck in a shooting gallery. I wasn't sure if this security guy was That Security Guy. I mentioned that if he was, I kind of hoped he was getting the wrong idea, even blah blah blah. Purple pointed out, quite astutely, that people are kind of bad at the "maybe they like me?!?!?" perception check. He had a story (an ex was into him when he wasn't sure she was, and it was good). I had a story: Fencing-Dave. (And my scary, scary father.)
I will be back at bad hours of the morning. Because tomorrow's meeting is unmissable.
no subject
Viewing headers and then slowly, painfully hunting through the raw HTML or CSS for the link so I can C&P it (usually I find it anchored to an embedded image, without alt text) usually seems to work.
Here in my little monastery I am very safe from viruses and phishing. In the same way that wearing unarticulated metal trousers makes you less mobile but reduces your STI vulnerability.
One day they will voluntarily see the gentle wisdom of our creed.
In the meantime, I will say a rosary for your intention: hjkl hjkl hjkl hjkl
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6 months after I left, they were being investigated by a parliamentary committee. Which largely fulfils the definition of 'going down in flames' for a government contractor.
I sympathise with your plight, but I feel sorry for that idiot's colleagues.
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She's already come to the attention of the program manager once. Sadly, she seems to be the competent one. (As witness the first guy.)
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When I wake up in 4 hours, the meeting is going to be something, all right.
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I have heard of your creed! I was a novice there once, but the clerical life did not suit for long. Perhaps I will return one day.
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So one would.
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Hooray for excellent tech support!
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*snuggles her text editor collection comfortingly*
I mean, part of why I like iOS is because it's hard to accidentally wind up with something in a horrible fucked up format that is not plain text. I probably could. But plain text is soothing. Usually the worst problem is running into a file where the LF and FF conventions don't match up with what your OS wants. It's boring. And the older I get the more I love boring in my tech.
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(whether or not this is the desired behavior)
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Because if someone steals my wallet, I have to cancel my credit cards and get a replacement driver's license. If a Random Pickpocket steals my keys, while it's annoying, it's not too scary because they have no way of knowing what the keys open. But if someone steals my phone and my phone is also my wallet and keys, they have all the information they need to take everything I own and there are about 10 million things I would have to do to patch all the holes and I probably don't even remember all of them. (In the near future, I guess I just say OK time to disable my phone remotely, and I pay for having this functionality by the fact that the government also has it)
What if you could have a bluetooth/other PAN linked piece of jewelry that unlocked your phone. So to get access to your phone someone would have to both pickpocket it and somehow acquire your (necklace/bracelet/watch/earring/toe ring/tongue stud)? This just generally makes things much harder on the pickpocket. It also mostly removes the window between loss of phone and remote disabling of phone (and makes remote disabling a less necessary feature, but I think that ship has officially sailed). (People could still use your stolen phone if they were sitting behind you after acquiring it, so it doesn't totally prevent pickpocket access)
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Yes.