Because the world needed more Thor/Poptart.

[azurelunatic]

adaptationdecay ran Bad Bang 2. I was just going to sit and giggle until norabombay found her poptarts on the pinch-hit list and grabbed me by the ear...

This is deliberate badfic. I do not expect any of you to read it. However, lb and StPatience (who are From The Internet and non-fannish) did in fact read it and then spend a chunk of time quoting their favorite bits back to me... and it is good that they enjoyed it, because they helped with the brainstorming process.

do they have within, The sons of the glorious gods?" - the fic (1693 words) by azurelunatic
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), Breakfast Pastry (anthropomorphic)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Thor/Breakfast Pastry, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Pizza, April O'Neil/Darcy Lewis
Characters: April O'Neil, Darcy Lewis, Thor (Marvel)
Additional Tags: no cylons, even though there are plenty of toasters, idk maybe one of the toasters is really a cylon, maybe one of the toaster pastries was a cylon, maybe you're a cylon, pop tarts, toaster pastries, I tried to get my friend to beta this, but all I got was a lecture about how I was using the wrong cooking product as lube, Not Beta Read, lube/not-lube, Not Lube, Recreational Drug Use, toasterfuck jizzworld
Summary:

In the first Bad Bang, we saw Thor fucking a Pop Tart, while getting reamed by a Ninja Turtle. It was the most erotic thing I ever saw.

But I wanted to give it a sequel. So here is a Pop-Tart, fucking Thor to find out what is with in.

Contains boy kissing, pastires. Don't like don't read.

---

Bonus chatlog of the creative process below.

From #adventuresofstnono one fine evening...


[19:14] * @Azz is writing deliberately awful fanfiction and therefore researching toaster pastries
[19:17] <@lb> Azz, did we ever talk about nanowrimo premise trolls
[19:17] <@lb> I should dust those off because they were awesome
[19:17] <@Azz> I'm not sure we did
[19:17] <@lb> ok, so, a few years ago this guy and some folks did nanowrimo
[19:18] <@lb> and I was introduced to their (nanowrimo)'s forums
[19:18] <@lb> people largely encouraged eachother or asked for help
[19:18] * @Azz nods
[19:18] <@lb> and I came up with, but because I wasn't mean-spirited did not post, ideas for questions to troll them
[19:18] <@lb> as entertainingly as possible
[19:18] <@lb> I think it was NaNoTroMo
[19:18] <@Azz> heeee
[19:18] <@lb> I think this guy wrote some up too
[19:20] <@lb> [link]
[19:22] <@lb> what have you found re toaster pastries?
[19:24] <@Azz> That the off-brands are not named sufficiently differently that I can usefully list them for humorous effect.
[19:24] <@lb> aww


[19:33] <@Azz> those are excellent troll questions and I think that there actually might be a place in the time-wasting sections of the forum for Things I'm Not Writing Which Sound Awesome

[19:33] <@StPatience> lb: how old is that?
[19:33] <@this guy> oh man lb
[19:34] <@this guy> nano trolls!


[19:36] <@lb> those are actually Oct-Nov 2003

[19:36] <@this guy> yeah
[19:36] <@this guy> that sounds right!
[19:36] <@this guy> those are some good story ideas
[19:36] <@StPatience> 2003! nice
[19:36] <@this guy> My story's protagonist is a child of a wyvern and a guppy,
[19:36] <@StPatience> i love tha tone
[19:37] <@StPatience> seriously i want to read that one
[19:37] <@this guy> hahah


[19:40] <@this guy> also, azz, are you shipping flavors of toaster struedel?
[19:40] <@Azz> this guy: no, Thor/toaster pastry

[19:40] <@StPatience> thor!

[19:40] <@Azz> someone previously wrote the one where Thor gets a poptart stuck on his dick
[19:41] <@StPatience> hahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha
[19:41] <@lb> ok so wait
[19:41] <@StPatience> so i recommend you watch The Amazing Johnsons
[19:41] <@lb> why do these have to be REAL brand names
[19:41] <@this guy> hahaha
[19:41] <@lb> because I swear you can have a LOT of fun finding artificial names
[19:41] <@StPatience> it is this weird NZ tv programme about, well, men being men and also being norse gods
[19:41] <@StPatience> it's wacky as shit
[19:41] <@StPatience> but
[19:41] <@Azz> now I am writing the one where the giant toaster strudel bangs Thor up the ass with the strapon icing packet
[19:41] <@lb> nice
[19:41] <@StPatience> it's the sort of show in which thor might actually get a poptart stuck on his dick
[19:41] <@Azz> with Ninja Turtles
[19:41] <@this guy> ths is very bad fanfic
[19:41] <@this guy> ++
[19:41] <@Azz> this is terrible fanfic
[19:42] <@lb> so wait
[19:42] <@lb> why is the icing the icing
[19:42] <@lb> why isn't it the hot filling that eventually breaches
[19:42] <@lb> (maybe I'm naive)
[19:42] <@StPatience> Thor/toaster struder/pillsbury doughboy?
[19:42] <@lb> or are these the unfilled kind of pop tarts
[19:42] <@StPatience> s'mores kind
[19:42] <@StPatience> filled AND frosted
[19:42] <@lb> I've barely eaten a toaster pastry in my life but I know from commercials they can sometimes be filled
[19:42] <@lb> filled and frosted just makes it dirtier
[19:42] <@Azz> because the hot filling was what I originally thought, then thought no, that's too expected
[19:42] <@lb> aha
[19:43] <@this guy> man
[19:43] <@this guy> what about those pancake wrappes sausage?
[19:43] <@this guy> why not use that!?
[19:43] <@StPatience> i swerislyu am laughing so hard i cannot breathe
[19:43] <@StPatience> hahahahaha
[19:43] <@StPatience> ty ty
[19:43] <@lb> pigs in a blanket in a deity
[19:44] <@lb> we're verging on something turducken here
[19:44] <@StPatience> turducken deity
[19:44] <@StPatience> turduckity
[19:44] <@Azz> I can leave that for the sequel
[19:44] <@lb> is there a condiment used as lube for the pop tart
[19:44] <@this guy> hahaha
[19:44] <@lb> which is thematically consistent
[19:44] <@Azz> after Thor is banned from any use of any kind of breakfast pastry, and again gets creative
[19:44] <@this guy> i cant beleive its no butter
[19:45] <@Azz> lb: I'm going with Crisco, which will eventually (with friction) speed the breakdown of the plastic packet of icing, leading to icing getting everywhere in the classic fashion
[19:46] <@Azz> and subverting the expected misuse of condiments as lube
[19:46] <@lb> ahhhhhh
[19:46] <@Azz> because for certain applications e.g. fisting, Crisco is sometimes genuinely one of the leading products.
[19:47] <@lb> I kind of like the absurdity of spraying a butthole with an aerosol can of Pam
[19:47] <@lb> but I hear you!
[19:47] <@Azz> aklakljsdljk;sfadlk;sdaflkj;sdflkj;asdflk;jsld;ajasdfkl ok maybe you win
[19:47] <@this guy> pam for baking!