Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-07-06 11:55 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2002-07-06 11:55 pm
Did you know that when it snows... the light that you shine can't be seen?
I've got a far more coherent list of things to discuss with Darkside when I return. Life. Love. I've got a better grasp on my ideals of sex and love, thanks to Adam and that entire mess.
We'll see how this holds up against seeing Darkside again. I haven't seen him in two weeks. I'd been hoping to spend some time with him over the break, but that never did quite happen. Odd. I know the inside of him so well that his face fades out of my memory. I can get certain parts of it -- the silky texture of his hair, the quirk of a smile, the ever-present stubble that eventually matures into a beard, the way his teeth aren't quite perfect, the shape of glasses and glint of silver light emphasizing an expression... but I'm so caught up in the details that I can't always see the whole at once. The line of his neck, his slender waist where tank top disappears into uniform pants...
More than ever, I think I've got a handle on some of the things that make him tick the way he does. I intend to have a long chat with Votania about his father before I have a chat with him sneaking around to the topic of his father. When did I become personal shrink? Never. When did I become concerned friend? Hard to track the exact date when he counted as best friend. It's been a while. I have a suspicion that he's spilled to me more things than he's confided to her. Only natural by now.
...I think this thing is one of the things I actually can help on. It's only a guess, but as such it's got at least a 50% chance of being right. Well, statistically speaking... I'm not sure how this is done. But I've got a 50% chance of being right through sheer dumb luck, and I've got Darkside's own certification that I manage to guess him right about 50% of the time, which is about normal for a close friend of his (regular people get it right much less) ... 75% chance of being right, maybe?
I've been there before, and I know how to get through that particular psychological hangup. He's helped me out enough; it may be time for me to give back to him more than just being-there friendship. Time to muster the words so they come out when they need to be there. Time to list to myself again the things that make him special and beloved to me.
Honor.
Caring for a friend above and beyond his personal comfort.
Humor.
Sweetness. You show that you care, my dear, when I'm not in a position to fight back.
Intelligence.
Practicality.
We'll see how this holds up against seeing Darkside again. I haven't seen him in two weeks. I'd been hoping to spend some time with him over the break, but that never did quite happen. Odd. I know the inside of him so well that his face fades out of my memory. I can get certain parts of it -- the silky texture of his hair, the quirk of a smile, the ever-present stubble that eventually matures into a beard, the way his teeth aren't quite perfect, the shape of glasses and glint of silver light emphasizing an expression... but I'm so caught up in the details that I can't always see the whole at once. The line of his neck, his slender waist where tank top disappears into uniform pants...
More than ever, I think I've got a handle on some of the things that make him tick the way he does. I intend to have a long chat with Votania about his father before I have a chat with him sneaking around to the topic of his father. When did I become personal shrink? Never. When did I become concerned friend? Hard to track the exact date when he counted as best friend. It's been a while. I have a suspicion that he's spilled to me more things than he's confided to her. Only natural by now.
...I think this thing is one of the things I actually can help on. It's only a guess, but as such it's got at least a 50% chance of being right. Well, statistically speaking... I'm not sure how this is done. But I've got a 50% chance of being right through sheer dumb luck, and I've got Darkside's own certification that I manage to guess him right about 50% of the time, which is about normal for a close friend of his (regular people get it right much less) ... 75% chance of being right, maybe?
I've been there before, and I know how to get through that particular psychological hangup. He's helped me out enough; it may be time for me to give back to him more than just being-there friendship. Time to muster the words so they come out when they need to be there. Time to list to myself again the things that make him special and beloved to me.
Honor.
Caring for a friend above and beyond his personal comfort.
Humor.
Sweetness. You show that you care, my dear, when I'm not in a position to fight back.
Intelligence.
Practicality.
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