Terminology and (my) sexuality

[azurelunatic]

I was finally able to put my finger on the thing that's been nagging at me with regard to me specifically with pansexuality vs. bisexuality.


So the traditional, binary-gendered definition of bisexuality is:

I can be sexually attracted to both genders: male and female.


The modern and non-binary inclusive definition of bisexuality is:

I can be sexually attracted to both people of my own gender and people of different genders.

(Note that my gender has been *eyeroll* "well, I have a uterus, so ... maybe as an honorary status? but it's really not very applicable..." when filling out forms lately. So "my gender" is a pretty small group, and people firmly in the Men and Women camps are both in "different genders" these days.)


Pansexuality attempts to explicitly challenge the gender binary (as implied by the traditional definition of bisexuality), and states:

I can be sexually attracted to people from any of the vast collection of gender identities that exist.


I ditched the traditional definition of "bisexual" as applies to myself as soon as I became aware that a) there were people who were outside the gender binary, and b) I had encountered enough non-binary-gendered people to know that they were a diverse group with different traits and personalities that included people I liked and who had not earned an immediate personality based disqualification from dating me.

However, some small groups of people do occasionally collect themselves together and tend to share traits which would be dealbreakers if they ever considered applying to date me. Groupings in the gender pandemonium are not exempt, though I do always try to keep an open mind until I've encountered a reasonable sample size.


"Pansexuality" implies that gender identification or gender expression is never a dealbreaker if I'm reviewing a relationship application.

"Dudebro" is a fairly distinct gender expression.


Sorry, dudebros. I'm bisexual, but the odds are not in your favor here.

Comments

[silveradept]

*lightbulb* That makes a lot of sense.

[azurelunatic]

Dudebros: rarely a helpful life choice!

[batrachian]

And now I'm picturing The Dudebro Games. Thanks. ;)

[azurelunatic]

What sort of events do they play at The Dudebro Games?

[batrachian]

I remain blissfully unaware.

[azurelunatic]

The best status.

[amadi]

"I'm "everything but dudebro-sexual" needs a specific label because I think 99% of my bi/pan/omni friends would use it.

[xenacryst]

There are a few other groups I'd prolly except, but I'd definitely be happy enough to set up a tent in this camp.

[azurelunatic]

It's a nice camp. Lot of friendly people.

[azurelunatic]

I keep seeing this image in my head.

http://azurelunatic.tumblr.com/post/142226589257/birchsoda-nazmat-hotanimebabe-straight

It was so hard to google for, but I finally found it.

[batrachian]

OW MY EYES.

[amadi]

What's funny about this is if the dudes in this photo were Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Thomas Gibson and Oscar Isaac (a motley crew to be sure, but my platonic ideals of cis dudes) I still couldn't get there. So yeah, this is a perfect example of "everyone but dudebro-sexual."

[vass]

Makes sense, yeah.

I think mine is "women and NB people but not men," with the complication that if there were a Kinsey type scale where completely allosexual is 0 and completely asexual is 6, I'd be about a 4.

Which means that "bisexual" would be technically accurate for me, but in practice I don't want to identify myself as bi because I am very averse to men thinking I'm potentially interested in them, and that's the default assumption people will draw.

[azurelunatic]

It's fascinating how lately there are ... rather fewer ... dudes on my potential bang-buddies radar.

[sithjawa]

decenthumanbeingsexual

[azurelunatic]

yes.

[elialshadowpine]

I have sometimes toyed with the term "panromantic lesbian" because I really do not give a shit about body, or even necessarily gender identification, but I'm attracted to people who code as female to me. That's usually been women, AMAB genderqueer folk, or people in my past before genderqueer was a term who used extremely similar wordage to describe themselves. I am not attracted to masculine people, which includes butch lesbians and masculine AFAB genderqueer folk, so it's really not about body at all. "Gynoromantic/sexual" is possibly more accurate but not very much in use.

[azurelunatic]

There is a person in my life who is a very femme but not, hrm, camp, gynoromantic AMAB guy. Out of all the people I have ever met who have said to me "It's like I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body" who were not in fact out as transgender women, this person is the only person I've ever gone "Yeah, sounds legit" in response to. This person is also near the top of my "would strongly consider banging if offered the opportunity" list...