Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2016-04-08 05:08 am
azurelunatic) wrote2016-04-08 05:08 am
Entry tags:
dinner and confusion
Purple and I kept trying to connect for our now-traditional midweek dinner but kept missing. Monday was supposed to have been a conference meeting with R, but it got delayed until Tuesday, so Tuesday was out too; Wednesday neither of us was feeling it quite. So it was today.
There's this little place that I know Purple and R and I have been before; that's where Purple suggested today. (I think our fourth that time may have been the Other Guy? or maybe phone? or zune? idk. It was the time R was complaining about some of the bus-related tour shenanigans on one of her vacations.) Purple was up for that place again tonight, and I was amenable. So we went. I was running a little early, and called him. I was just being led out to see a table when he arrived, and we settled down to contemplate what exactly we wanted in the way of food.
We wound up splitting the rissoto of the day and a four-seasons pizza (olives, artichoke hearts, mushrooms, and some sort of pork-based preserved meat). Purple ordered a drink, and I claimed a sip. That was not the best idea -- the rum was very much on the top. He sloshed it around and I got a second sip, which was nice and gingery. (Mr. Bananas had had lunch with pickled ginger that day, which got Purple in the mood for something with ginger, and the drink was just the ticket.) My current meds lineup means that a) I shouldn't drink much, and b) it hits me harder and faster than previous. Since "previous" was typically about 75% of one drink over the course of about 2 hours was my comfortable amount, these days a sip or two of someone else's drink is Quite Enough unless I'm at a home base, and even so I should have a discussion with a pharmacist before I have more than one or two.
It turns out that the phrase "make sure you don't have any olives down there" is possible to interpret in a dirty fashion. (Purple does not enjoy olives. I do. Therefore all the olives were mine, and it was my responsibility to remove them from the shared slices.) Purple laughed at me as I removed an olive from his piece.
It turns out that when you're trying to validate that about 10 terabytes of data copied over successfully from your old NAS to your new NAS, it can take about a week once your tool is working. Purple's adventures continue.
I'm not sure how the topic came up, but he mentioned some work by some actress who'd been in things that go over his grossout humor threshold, and (since the topic was right there) apologized again for subjecting me to Drawn Together. I pointed out that he was much better than BJ in the department of regrettable media, as he had suggested it in good faith (it does contain many concepts I'd enjoy!) and upon realizing that I had not enjoyed it, reassured me that I could and should safeword out at any time, and he wouldn't hold it against me except that he'd keep my preferences in mind for future recommendations. (Which I don't really count as "holding it against me", but potato potato1.) Purple resents being put in the same category as BJ (or Shawn, really) on much of anything, as it's ... rather a low bar. "Hi, you're a decent human being." Which ... point.
We were both contemplating dessert. Half a dessert each. He was in mind of the bread pudding, as it wasn't as frightening as one might think, but we wound up having cannoli after some debate. Mmm, cannoli. There were bits of candied lemon peel in the cream, and I had to have a moment.
"What?" Purple asked.
I looked over at him in surprise.
"I thought I just heard you squeak?"
"Lemon peel again."
"Ahhhh."
I mention here for the sake of documenting my Complicated Feelings About Things:
Purple picked up the check for dinner.
I haven't found anything full-time yet. Purple has A Good Tech Job.
Nothing full time = money concerns. Therefore it's not just a friendly gesture, it's a very specific "hey hang in there" kind of friendly gesture, from someone who absolutely has the budget to do it, and no obligation. And I appreciate that.
One of the things that makes non-dates so particularly not-a-date is splitting the check.
I (rather obviously) have Feelings for Purple. (For those new to this: Purple and I had the "um I might have Feelings for you" "sorry bro" "k" conversation back in December 2014.)
There are things where I'm happy to have the line blurred between Definitely Not Dating and Totally A Couple. There are things where I'm not. There are things where Purple's definition of Totally A Couples Activity differs from the surrounding culture's. In particular, his close friendships can look awfully close, and I'm hardly his only close friend.
I'm clear that (assuming neither of us is potentially contagious) sharing food and not particularly worrying about whether we'd just licked that fork is a close-friends activity, not a dating activity, based on his rulebook. Drink-sharing ditto. I've seen enough of this with other friends that I am under no illusions.
I'm okay blurring the line with hugs and so forth. I know where one of the This Is Not For You lines is, and I'm okay with that. I am also inclined to think that when two people are standing arm-in-arm and talking, and they move apart when a colleague who knows them both walks over ... there might be a blurred is-this-100%-platonic line. (I have been deliberately downplaying the amount of time I have been spending tucked up against him lately; it's been ... maybe a lot; I haven't wanted to be Reading Too Much Into It or *especially* to Appear To Be Reading Too Much Into It.)
I'm kind of used to Darkside who is um kind of srs introvert and is historically not super great at initiating social on the regular. Purple is in that liminal space between introvert and extrovert where he has a super busy social life as well as a substantial chunk of time fortressed up at home quietly working on solo projects. Purple will do the "so uh see you next week, based on how things have been going?? :) :)" and has the Standing Friday Dinner. And now that we're hugging friends, he hugs me first often enough.
Partly I think it's getting into gender roles and expectations, and the way I like to extend myself into male space by doing things like getting dinner for other people (when I got my last big raise, I picked up Friday dinner for the three of us that night) so it feels like when someone Gets My Dinner, it feels like they're Performing Masculinity For Me, and it *feels very weird* to feel constrained to stay in feminine space [that is, not feel the freedom to perform a masculinity back at them next time] and that's got all up ins and I'm CONFUSED AS FUCK.
and this is Twice In A Row, on account of he got it last week too.
While we and some others had been eating outside, a great big white van had pulled up in a somewhat traffic-and-parking obstructive way, and a guy in well-worn work clothes and a safety vest had got out with equipment. I had overheard something vaguely about waiting to start until after "these people" were done eating. Around about when we finished dessert, the guy hauled a little portable generator over and plopped it on the hood of a car (presumably his?) and stepped in the puddle of mysterious liquid on his way to get at some of the other equipment, disturbing the surface enough for me to tell that yeah, that was pee there. He then pried open a 6-inch or so access cap of some type. Water, and not clean water, burbled forth and started overflowing the sidewalk into the gutter.
Purple and I decided that now was a really great time to split. So we headed garageward. He'd parked down on the bottom, but he decided he'd walk me upstairs to my car.
Purple was wearing one of the soft outfits today. T-shirt was a soft cotton shirt-from-work. Button-down was one of the microsuede ones. Hugging him meant getting to rub my face on his shoulder. He's soft. His shirts are soft. :>
Of note: that guy in a certain social group who does that "your mom" jokes a lot, was sort of oblivious to the other guy who had said "my mom's dead". DON'T DO THAT. Purple contributed that one of these days Mr. Antisocial Butterfly is going to get socked pretty good for making the wrong "your mom" joke to Purple.
And I will see him tomorrow! ("It's forever!" he joked at me, and I immediately stifled the impulse to declare that he was being Pippin.)
1 Backwards. On roller skates. ^
There's this little place that I know Purple and R and I have been before; that's where Purple suggested today. (I think our fourth that time may have been the Other Guy? or maybe phone? or zune? idk. It was the time R was complaining about some of the bus-related tour shenanigans on one of her vacations.) Purple was up for that place again tonight, and I was amenable. So we went. I was running a little early, and called him. I was just being led out to see a table when he arrived, and we settled down to contemplate what exactly we wanted in the way of food.
We wound up splitting the rissoto of the day and a four-seasons pizza (olives, artichoke hearts, mushrooms, and some sort of pork-based preserved meat). Purple ordered a drink, and I claimed a sip. That was not the best idea -- the rum was very much on the top. He sloshed it around and I got a second sip, which was nice and gingery. (Mr. Bananas had had lunch with pickled ginger that day, which got Purple in the mood for something with ginger, and the drink was just the ticket.) My current meds lineup means that a) I shouldn't drink much, and b) it hits me harder and faster than previous. Since "previous" was typically about 75% of one drink over the course of about 2 hours was my comfortable amount, these days a sip or two of someone else's drink is Quite Enough unless I'm at a home base, and even so I should have a discussion with a pharmacist before I have more than one or two.
It turns out that the phrase "make sure you don't have any olives down there" is possible to interpret in a dirty fashion. (Purple does not enjoy olives. I do. Therefore all the olives were mine, and it was my responsibility to remove them from the shared slices.) Purple laughed at me as I removed an olive from his piece.
It turns out that when you're trying to validate that about 10 terabytes of data copied over successfully from your old NAS to your new NAS, it can take about a week once your tool is working. Purple's adventures continue.
I'm not sure how the topic came up, but he mentioned some work by some actress who'd been in things that go over his grossout humor threshold, and (since the topic was right there) apologized again for subjecting me to Drawn Together. I pointed out that he was much better than BJ in the department of regrettable media, as he had suggested it in good faith (it does contain many concepts I'd enjoy!) and upon realizing that I had not enjoyed it, reassured me that I could and should safeword out at any time, and he wouldn't hold it against me except that he'd keep my preferences in mind for future recommendations. (Which I don't really count as "holding it against me", but potato potato1.) Purple resents being put in the same category as BJ (or Shawn, really) on much of anything, as it's ... rather a low bar. "Hi, you're a decent human being." Which ... point.
We were both contemplating dessert. Half a dessert each. He was in mind of the bread pudding, as it wasn't as frightening as one might think, but we wound up having cannoli after some debate. Mmm, cannoli. There were bits of candied lemon peel in the cream, and I had to have a moment.
"What?" Purple asked.
I looked over at him in surprise.
"I thought I just heard you squeak?"
"Lemon peel again."
"Ahhhh."
I mention here for the sake of documenting my Complicated Feelings About Things:
Purple picked up the check for dinner.
I haven't found anything full-time yet. Purple has A Good Tech Job.
Nothing full time = money concerns. Therefore it's not just a friendly gesture, it's a very specific "hey hang in there" kind of friendly gesture, from someone who absolutely has the budget to do it, and no obligation. And I appreciate that.
One of the things that makes non-dates so particularly not-a-date is splitting the check.
I (rather obviously) have Feelings for Purple. (For those new to this: Purple and I had the "um I might have Feelings for you" "sorry bro" "k" conversation back in December 2014.)
There are things where I'm happy to have the line blurred between Definitely Not Dating and Totally A Couple. There are things where I'm not. There are things where Purple's definition of Totally A Couples Activity differs from the surrounding culture's. In particular, his close friendships can look awfully close, and I'm hardly his only close friend.
I'm clear that (assuming neither of us is potentially contagious) sharing food and not particularly worrying about whether we'd just licked that fork is a close-friends activity, not a dating activity, based on his rulebook. Drink-sharing ditto. I've seen enough of this with other friends that I am under no illusions.
I'm okay blurring the line with hugs and so forth. I know where one of the This Is Not For You lines is, and I'm okay with that. I am also inclined to think that when two people are standing arm-in-arm and talking, and they move apart when a colleague who knows them both walks over ... there might be a blurred is-this-100%-platonic line. (I have been deliberately downplaying the amount of time I have been spending tucked up against him lately; it's been ... maybe a lot; I haven't wanted to be Reading Too Much Into It or *especially* to Appear To Be Reading Too Much Into It.)
I'm kind of used to Darkside who is um kind of srs introvert and is historically not super great at initiating social on the regular. Purple is in that liminal space between introvert and extrovert where he has a super busy social life as well as a substantial chunk of time fortressed up at home quietly working on solo projects. Purple will do the "so uh see you next week, based on how things have been going?? :) :)" and has the Standing Friday Dinner. And now that we're hugging friends, he hugs me first often enough.
Partly I think it's getting into gender roles and expectations, and the way I like to extend myself into male space by doing things like getting dinner for other people (when I got my last big raise, I picked up Friday dinner for the three of us that night) so it feels like when someone Gets My Dinner, it feels like they're Performing Masculinity For Me, and it *feels very weird* to feel constrained to stay in feminine space [that is, not feel the freedom to perform a masculinity back at them next time] and that's got all up ins and I'm CONFUSED AS FUCK.
and this is Twice In A Row, on account of he got it last week too.
While we and some others had been eating outside, a great big white van had pulled up in a somewhat traffic-and-parking obstructive way, and a guy in well-worn work clothes and a safety vest had got out with equipment. I had overheard something vaguely about waiting to start until after "these people" were done eating. Around about when we finished dessert, the guy hauled a little portable generator over and plopped it on the hood of a car (presumably his?) and stepped in the puddle of mysterious liquid on his way to get at some of the other equipment, disturbing the surface enough for me to tell that yeah, that was pee there. He then pried open a 6-inch or so access cap of some type. Water, and not clean water, burbled forth and started overflowing the sidewalk into the gutter.
Purple and I decided that now was a really great time to split. So we headed garageward. He'd parked down on the bottom, but he decided he'd walk me upstairs to my car.
Purple was wearing one of the soft outfits today. T-shirt was a soft cotton shirt-from-work. Button-down was one of the microsuede ones. Hugging him meant getting to rub my face on his shoulder. He's soft. His shirts are soft. :>
Of note: that guy in a certain social group who does that "your mom" jokes a lot, was sort of oblivious to the other guy who had said "my mom's dead". DON'T DO THAT. Purple contributed that one of these days Mr. Antisocial Butterfly is going to get socked pretty good for making the wrong "your mom" joke to Purple.
And I will see him tomorrow! ("It's forever!" he joked at me, and I immediately stifled the impulse to declare that he was being Pippin.)
1 Backwards. On roller skates. ^
no subject
Past results do not guarantee future returns, but oh gods, do I sympathize.
For now, I'm glad that you two make space for each other.
no subject
So it's good! If sometimes confusing.
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no subject
At one point,![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
zarhooie rather memorably said: "I didn't
mean he was your kissing boyfriend!"
It's interesting looking at the difference between romance and not-romance when one party has the constraint of "the difference between romance and friendship is the intent to bang" because sometimes things are rather different.
no subject
As described, it didn't seem to fit what I thought of as romance, sex or no sex, but I'm probably making too much of the seeming "unrequited" than there actually is.
no subject
My willingness to open negotiations on banging is unrequited.
My willingness to open negotiations on kissing is unrequited.
My willingness to meet up regularly, talk about odd and sensitive topics, definitely requited.
My willingness to snuggle -- apparently requited. This pleases me.
no subject
no subject
Pleases and comforts and ... very much at home.