Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2021-03-10 12:18 am
azurelunatic) wrote2021-03-10 12:18 am
(no subject)
Therapist day! I was up in the middle of the night, so I slept late, but I'd had breakfast and was opening the package from Ev (lovely fidget objects) when the therapist called.
The catalog of fucked-up shit is useful for organizing my thoughts about it, but not necessarily directly therapeutic.
I have located a fact that clues in well-meaning observers that I am not kidding when I say Belovedest's ex was abusive. "And then [Belovedest] smuggled [Evil Ex]'s firearms out of the house so one of her friends could have custody until they were separated." I could hear the therapist's eyes pop open.
For Ev's mom, the shocking and serious fact is how she would make Ev pray with her that Ev's father would die, and then spend thousands of dollars on phone psychics to find out what he would die. I haven't shared that one yet.
My contribution to dinner tonight was a garlic butter sauce for the broccoli, chicken, and rice. It had the healing and protection spice blend.
Book-wise, I finished the Earthseed books and have run back to fluff while I digest things. Over on Twitter I got to thinking about Olamina and Bankole and their age gap, and how it wasn't a disaster because they're both good people and the collapse of society had a large equalizing effect. And I've got the type of self-determined friends who tend to have made important decisions at young ages. And even when the decisions were not objectively great, they were still trying to exercise their autonomy. That got me thinking about what societal supports would make power gap relationships have less potential for harm. Universal housing would help if it meant that someone would always have somewhere else to go. And quite a few other things. This is not in defense of the concept of fully adult dudes pursuing people half their age, but a comprehensive societal safety net and the abolishment of virginity as a currency would go a long way for harm reduction.
The catalog of fucked-up shit is useful for organizing my thoughts about it, but not necessarily directly therapeutic.
I have located a fact that clues in well-meaning observers that I am not kidding when I say Belovedest's ex was abusive. "And then [Belovedest] smuggled [Evil Ex]'s firearms out of the house so one of her friends could have custody until they were separated." I could hear the therapist's eyes pop open.
For Ev's mom, the shocking and serious fact is how she would make Ev pray with her that Ev's father would die, and then spend thousands of dollars on phone psychics to find out what he would die. I haven't shared that one yet.
My contribution to dinner tonight was a garlic butter sauce for the broccoli, chicken, and rice. It had the healing and protection spice blend.
Book-wise, I finished the Earthseed books and have run back to fluff while I digest things. Over on Twitter I got to thinking about Olamina and Bankole and their age gap, and how it wasn't a disaster because they're both good people and the collapse of society had a large equalizing effect. And I've got the type of self-determined friends who tend to have made important decisions at young ages. And even when the decisions were not objectively great, they were still trying to exercise their autonomy. That got me thinking about what societal supports would make power gap relationships have less potential for harm. Universal housing would help if it meant that someone would always have somewhere else to go. And quite a few other things. This is not in defense of the concept of fully adult dudes pursuing people half their age, but a comprehensive societal safety net and the abolishment of virginity as a currency would go a long way for harm reduction.
no subject
And no wonder.
I haven't shared that one yet.
It is a Lot.
a comprehensive societal safety net and the abolishment of virginity as a currency would go a long way for harm reduction.
*nodnod*
And even when the decisions were not objectively great, they were still trying to exercise their autonomy.
This part makes me think a lot about how it's not even possible to make uniformly good decisions without the freedom to make bad ones plus the luck and resources to survive them. You learn to sing in tune by hitting the wrong notes first. Teenagers and young adults (among other people) need enough room to make mistakes so they can learn from them, without those mistakes being permanent or fatal and without predators circling them to take advantage of their inexperience and relative powerlessness.
And the same for setting boundaries. It's a learned skill, and schools (and a lot of parents) train kids not to do it.
no subject
Because I met my spouse (married probably coming up on 30 years now) when he was twice my age (I was 17), and lived 2,000 miles away (he was visiting another friend), and I chased him until I caught him, moved in at 18, married at 19, and it was the best dadgum thing I ever did. (I think it's important that the courtship was mostly during the 2,000 miles away thing, and that I started the chasing (100%), and he never had a smidge of power over me. Possibly helped that I knew what a bad relationship looked like and had some very good ideas of what I wanted.
That said: universal housing, strong safety nets... Yes. Being able to storm out of a place and have somewhere to go is very important.