Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (
azurelunatic) wrote2021-09-06 11:37 pm
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Cetagandan Instant Horse Paste, by way of Emperor Leto II, Worm-Centaur
Today I had one of those conversations that you will likely have had to been there for, for several iterations of "there", including contemporary US healthcare yelling, the giddy heyday of LiveJournal and its attendant Main Character Dramas, and late 1990s mailing list fandom.
It is extremely too long to explain or sum up, but that's what a blog is for, right?
My bullet points here get extremely sketchy. Steph is looking forward to reading the whole thing, and I'm sure the housemates will appreciate knowing why the pair of us were doing a video chat and falling over laughing.
(Minor edits for making things work)
* Background: so people who have been paying attention to the absolutely wild political/medical situation in the US will have observed The Horse Paste Thing. A brief overview:
- due to reasons the 45th president liked to endorse unreproduced studies, fringe science, and outright quackery and profiteering
- this involved heavy denial of the fact that COVID-19 is serious and that became a Hardcore GOP vs. Everyone Else political split
- most of the upper echelons of the GOP are at least on a nodding basis with self-preservation and have quietly gone for vaccination and actual effective treatment with the monoclonal antibody infusions
- The medium-high echelons are rife with grifters shilling all kinds of bullshit; it's a really terrible echeladder
- (i mean, grifters gonna grift no matter the political compass of their target audience, but 45 has been cultivating a real nice audience there)
- a nonzero number of the less medically literate sector of the GOP have created immense demand for whatever the heavily-shilled miracle cure of the moment is
- the big past one is hydroxychloroquine, but there are others, see attached list https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unproven_methods_against_COVID-19#Use_of_existing_medications_unproven_against_COVID-19
- much like rubbing high-proof alcohol on your hands will kill a large number of things while spilling a wine cooler on them will probably not, covid cells in a lab were faced with a hugely high concentration of ivermectin and did not care for it, but it's not actually feasible for approximately the same reason that scrubbing down all your cells with a strong cleaning solution is not feasible
- (I'm not sure of the exact mechanism of *why* the blood concentration of ivermectin can't reach the concentration that they got in the lab, but toxicity at high doses is often a thing with medications.)
- ALSO A THING THAT #45 SUGGESTED, ERIS SAVE US ALL
- nonetheless, That Particular Sector had ivermectin shilled at them as a cure and the demand is outpacing the supply
- failing to get ivermectin prescriptions from their family doctors and the supply falling short from the particular outfit that was shilling it, people desperate for a cure But Not The Mainstream One have taken to buying it from various livestock supply places
- one of which has started to require customers to show a picture featuring them and their horse
- I am fairly sure that I am acquainted with a person who has actually taken a livestock formulation of ivermectin in the past, but a) this was for the purpose of deworming, b) they had recently gone through a situation that could reasonably be suspected of giving them parasites, and c) while it was not under the supervision of a doctor it was under the supervision of a livestock professional, d) who has experience in calculating the correct dose of it for livestock in the 75 to 300 lb range, which coincidentally is likely where that person is, and e) the aftermath suggested that yes, that person had picked up a few nasty things whilst doing the thing.
- at any rate the people who have been taken in by the whole Ivermectin Thing have been experimenting with amounts (in a formulation meant for half-ton livestock)
- I will not pretend to know how ivermectin does its thing, but I do know that the expected side effects of a properly calibrated human size dose involve enough about bowel movements that it would be officially off-topic in FFA
- people are getting the dose badly enough wrong to need poison control consultation and urgent medical care, as if the medical systems weren't strained enough
- and I was going to say "but at least it's not COVID" *except* sometimes it's that too
* but back to horses
- for those who are not familiar, you generally do not give pills to a horse
- I mean "horse pill" means A Huge Pill That's Hard To Swallow for reasons but the horse is not going to politely lip the thing up and chase it with a big gulp of water unless that horse is Impeccably trained
- plus horses massively vary in size, leaving aside miniature horses you've got ponies (defined as Not Very Tall adult horses expected to be less than 14.2 hands unless it's a Small Breed in which case all bets are off) and average size horses and then great big whopping knight in full armor pulling a cartload of beer HUGE horses, a large horse the weight of a large car https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft_horse#World_record
- so since the dosage varies it makes sense to not have many horse medications that are literally pills, you want something with more flexible dosing
- you can mix a dry powder with their feed
- you can mix a powder into applesauce or something like that
- mostly you sneak or force a syringe of medication in a semi-liquid form down their neck
- aka paste
- Soooo to distinguish self-medication with veterinary care products from Actual Human Pills from a Human Doctor, one of the moderately derogatory phrases is "horse paste"
- most veterinarians are in fact human BUT ANYWAY
* The sector of the internet that does image manipulations for any holiday, civic event, or widespread meme has been hard at work
* This morning I scrolled through #AdventuresOfStNoNo and was greeted by a beautiful example
* (image description follows) https://thismight.be/offensive/uploads/2021/09/05/image/428702_Mecterivin.jpg (may need to copy and paste because I bet the server checks referers)
- an opened cardboard medicine box with a single card of blister packaged large white pills slid out
- the box is white and has a large red medication name in a red box with a subtitle: MECTERIVIN: WORM DEHORSER. This looks to be based on the Durvet apple-flavored horse paste box.
- sharp photograph of an earthworm, cut out to only have a white background, with a bubble that purports to show a microscopic detail. The bubble contains similarly cut-out photos of horses in all orientations, right side up, sideways, upside down, scattered with careless artfulness.
- Smaller text: REMOVES HORSES FROM YOUR WORMS IN A SINGLE DOSE!
- Tiny FDA logo: "Definitely not FDA approved."
- Tiny CDC logo: "CDC Has no idea."
- Pill size: 1000mg
- Hidden in the texture of the foil backed pill card, the creator's handle: @BlumpkinSpicedLatte, which does not appear to be an active Twitter account at this time.
- but is Instagram, see comments
* So later in the day I was on a video chat with Steph and having discussed the thing that we started the call for, started in on the other details of our mutual days.
The train of the conversation went a little something like this.
* described the worm dehorser image
* for getting the horses out of your worm
* is that what you would have to do on Dune if you had a horse sandworm centaur situation
* like that one emperor? https://dune.fandom.com/wiki/Leto_Atreides_II
* yeah
* why would you have horses on Dune in the first place, they're not suited to that level of desert and ornithopters exist
* if Barrayarans were moving to Dune they would try to bring horses
- Steph and I have both been Vorkosigan fans since like evarrrr
* you have to conserve mass and cubage in space travel, they'd have to bring instant (bringing it back to horse paste)
* yeah, Cetagandan tech
- (more Vorkosigan, Cetagandan bio-engineers are the ones who made kittens literally growing on trees)
- (this is a Sad Incident feat. Ivan Xav Vorpatril's Rescue Helpless Entities drive)
* Barrayarans would try to bring all sorts of animals
* what would be worse than a sandworm horse
* obnoxious farm animals x worm, like peacock
* or goat
- at this point I'm picturing Mirabile and the Dragon's Teeth
* a goat-worm climbing some piece of infrastructure like that snake climbing the microwave
- https://a-s-h.tumblr.com/post/53580237842/are-my-god-damn-bagel-bitessssssss-ready-yet
- I can control Python with Ruby, etc snakes gems
- https://twitter.com/utilitylimb/status/126780301211992064
- at this point Belovedest walked in and was EXTREMELY confused
* yelling at the goat-worm to get off the capitol building
* it listens about as well as any given farm animals
* that TikTok about the dog with some herding breed ancestry "why is your mouth making that noise"
- https://www.tiktok.com/@sassafras_007/video/7004288143570619653
- (Some repetitive dialog has been condensed for length.) Dark outdoor scene with highly directional light, as if a backyard at night. One human, filming. One dog, black and white patched with light eyes, standing looking at human with evident consciousness of guilt. The light eyes give the dog a natural wide-eyed stare. There is an ambient buzzing noise that varies in frequency, and gets louder the closer the viewpoint comes to the dog. Human, conversationally: "What do you have? Why is your mouth making that noise?" Dog looks conscious. Human, much more seriously, approaching: "Why is your mouth making that noise? Drop it. Drop it." (Repeats several more times.) "That is got to be uncomfortable." Rubs ears. "Drop it." Reaches for muzzle to pry mouth open, but when dog whines, releases dog and backs off. "Drop it." Gets closer again. "Drop it!" Dog does not drop it. "Release!" Reaches again. "Drop it, droppit droppit droppit!" Dog opens mouth, and deposits a live cicada on the ground. "Leave it, leave it!" Dog reluctantly turns away from the cicada, which is still buzzing loudly on the ground.
- this morning I created a folder on the household media server in the TV Shows directory, "Internet Shorts", for the sort of video that you get off the internet and need a local copy
- specifically for this video
- it encompasses SUCH a mood about human/pet interactions
* So anyway, Barrayaran tiktok
- (Barrayar is lower tech but industrializing fast; fandom tends to assume that the censorship rate is high because a, ImpSec, and b, since most of the series was written Before Mass Social Media there is no Barrayaran Social Media Scene depicted)
* you can't share any of the good videos from like the Emperor's Birthday because camera angles and site security on the palace grounds
* but the "hold my beer" genre of video, extremely Barrayaran
* there is a thriving exchange of them, people passing around and duping data cartridges
* people getting mad that their blackmail video has become the trending topic of the week
- look bro, you're the Main Character due to the incident, what happens if you get identified as The Guy In The Incident?
* Barrayaran vloggers
* (brief detour through Check Please)
* what if that British guy who does old recipes was a backcountry Barrayaran
* "Nothing makes sense anymore" https://www.reddit.com/r/Old_Recipes/comments/np71sy/bean_pie_from_1922/
* (Cetagandans might bring Instant Horse to Barrayar to help with the war effort)
- as in, lightflyers get pinged out of the sky with like rocks and shit, so why not use what the locals are using (look, it's for the sake of our running joke, not like the ghem-generals requested a custom job from the councils of their wives)
- so they have all these unused and abandoned things of Instant Horse paste
* and Barrayaran Backcountry Food Vlogger gets their hands on a packet tries to make Instant Horse
- look, it was right next to the MREs in some weapons cache
- the old Count's mutie grandson found a weapons cache like that and nearly obliterated the Residence with a hover tank
- might as well try Cetagandan instant horse meat FOR THE VINE
- it'll be epic
* yes but in a different way than they thought
* the absolute chaos of an entire horse happening in that pan
* kitchen's trashed
* fortunately any injuries are minor enough that it's still hilarious
* the label was not super clear and who reads Cetagandan, you've got to do with the translate app and it's crappy old invasion era text that's partly obliterated
* the Gerber baby situation
- which looks like an urban legend actually, and pretty racist https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/label-fable/
So at this point Steph and I are absolutely howling with laughter, it's been a rough couple months and this is approximately the most wholesome and pure take on horse paste that we think we can reach, and it's reached heights of obscure fannish absurdity and I'm thinking that I'm really going to have to summarize this conversation to share with
norabombay who is one of my compatriots in internet and Bujold fandom back in the heady days of email listservs.
* Apropos of needing to share with Nora, I remember another thing.
* we are chatting about unmemorable aspects of something and maybe I'm trying to explain where the f we were coming from to Belovedest
* I finish up that chat and share my Thorts with Steph.
* His Wife? A Horse-Paste.
Belovedest is surprised by the sudden explosion of laughter, and possibly mildly concerned for our ability to replenish our brain oxygen.
* WHAT THE??????
- so this guy was the LJ Main Character of the Week for a hot minute back in 2007
- his legacy is enduring; Nora and I still say "His Wife? A Horse!" back and forth to each other when we're reminded of it.
- (implied abuse of horse) archive of fandomwank wiki: His "wife"? A horse.
- there's a Wired story but there's a wall and I can't be arsed right now: https://www.wired.com/2007/01/poly-furries-in/
It is extremely too long to explain or sum up, but that's what a blog is for, right?
My bullet points here get extremely sketchy. Steph is looking forward to reading the whole thing, and I'm sure the housemates will appreciate knowing why the pair of us were doing a video chat and falling over laughing.
(Minor edits for making things work)
* Background: so people who have been paying attention to the absolutely wild political/medical situation in the US will have observed The Horse Paste Thing. A brief overview:
- due to reasons the 45th president liked to endorse unreproduced studies, fringe science, and outright quackery and profiteering
- this involved heavy denial of the fact that COVID-19 is serious and that became a Hardcore GOP vs. Everyone Else political split
- most of the upper echelons of the GOP are at least on a nodding basis with self-preservation and have quietly gone for vaccination and actual effective treatment with the monoclonal antibody infusions
- The medium-high echelons are rife with grifters shilling all kinds of bullshit; it's a really terrible echeladder
- (i mean, grifters gonna grift no matter the political compass of their target audience, but 45 has been cultivating a real nice audience there)
- a nonzero number of the less medically literate sector of the GOP have created immense demand for whatever the heavily-shilled miracle cure of the moment is
- the big past one is hydroxychloroquine, but there are others, see attached list https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unproven_methods_against_COVID-19#Use_of_existing_medications_unproven_against_COVID-19
- much like rubbing high-proof alcohol on your hands will kill a large number of things while spilling a wine cooler on them will probably not, covid cells in a lab were faced with a hugely high concentration of ivermectin and did not care for it, but it's not actually feasible for approximately the same reason that scrubbing down all your cells with a strong cleaning solution is not feasible
- (I'm not sure of the exact mechanism of *why* the blood concentration of ivermectin can't reach the concentration that they got in the lab, but toxicity at high doses is often a thing with medications.)
- ALSO A THING THAT #45 SUGGESTED, ERIS SAVE US ALL
- nonetheless, That Particular Sector had ivermectin shilled at them as a cure and the demand is outpacing the supply
- failing to get ivermectin prescriptions from their family doctors and the supply falling short from the particular outfit that was shilling it, people desperate for a cure But Not The Mainstream One have taken to buying it from various livestock supply places
- one of which has started to require customers to show a picture featuring them and their horse
- I am fairly sure that I am acquainted with a person who has actually taken a livestock formulation of ivermectin in the past, but a) this was for the purpose of deworming, b) they had recently gone through a situation that could reasonably be suspected of giving them parasites, and c) while it was not under the supervision of a doctor it was under the supervision of a livestock professional, d) who has experience in calculating the correct dose of it for livestock in the 75 to 300 lb range, which coincidentally is likely where that person is, and e) the aftermath suggested that yes, that person had picked up a few nasty things whilst doing the thing.
- at any rate the people who have been taken in by the whole Ivermectin Thing have been experimenting with amounts (in a formulation meant for half-ton livestock)
- I will not pretend to know how ivermectin does its thing, but I do know that the expected side effects of a properly calibrated human size dose involve enough about bowel movements that it would be officially off-topic in FFA
- people are getting the dose badly enough wrong to need poison control consultation and urgent medical care, as if the medical systems weren't strained enough
- and I was going to say "but at least it's not COVID" *except* sometimes it's that too
* but back to horses
- for those who are not familiar, you generally do not give pills to a horse
- I mean "horse pill" means A Huge Pill That's Hard To Swallow for reasons but the horse is not going to politely lip the thing up and chase it with a big gulp of water unless that horse is Impeccably trained
- plus horses massively vary in size, leaving aside miniature horses you've got ponies (defined as Not Very Tall adult horses expected to be less than 14.2 hands unless it's a Small Breed in which case all bets are off) and average size horses and then great big whopping knight in full armor pulling a cartload of beer HUGE horses, a large horse the weight of a large car https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft_horse#World_record
- so since the dosage varies it makes sense to not have many horse medications that are literally pills, you want something with more flexible dosing
- you can mix a dry powder with their feed
- you can mix a powder into applesauce or something like that
- mostly you sneak or force a syringe of medication in a semi-liquid form down their neck
- aka paste
- Soooo to distinguish self-medication with veterinary care products from Actual Human Pills from a Human Doctor, one of the moderately derogatory phrases is "horse paste"
- most veterinarians are in fact human BUT ANYWAY
* The sector of the internet that does image manipulations for any holiday, civic event, or widespread meme has been hard at work
* This morning I scrolled through #AdventuresOfStNoNo and was greeted by a beautiful example
* (image description follows) https://thismight.be/offensive/uploads/2021/09/05/image/428702_Mecterivin.jpg (may need to copy and paste because I bet the server checks referers)
- an opened cardboard medicine box with a single card of blister packaged large white pills slid out
- the box is white and has a large red medication name in a red box with a subtitle: MECTERIVIN: WORM DEHORSER. This looks to be based on the Durvet apple-flavored horse paste box.
- sharp photograph of an earthworm, cut out to only have a white background, with a bubble that purports to show a microscopic detail. The bubble contains similarly cut-out photos of horses in all orientations, right side up, sideways, upside down, scattered with careless artfulness.
- Smaller text: REMOVES HORSES FROM YOUR WORMS IN A SINGLE DOSE!
- Tiny FDA logo: "Definitely not FDA approved."
- Tiny CDC logo: "CDC Has no idea."
- Pill size: 1000mg
- Hidden in the texture of the foil backed pill card, the creator's handle: @BlumpkinSpicedLatte, which does not appear to be an active Twitter account at this time.
- but is Instagram, see comments
* So later in the day I was on a video chat with Steph and having discussed the thing that we started the call for, started in on the other details of our mutual days.
The train of the conversation went a little something like this.
* described the worm dehorser image
* for getting the horses out of your worm
* is that what you would have to do on Dune if you had a horse sandworm centaur situation
* like that one emperor? https://dune.fandom.com/wiki/Leto_Atreides_II
* yeah
* why would you have horses on Dune in the first place, they're not suited to that level of desert and ornithopters exist
* if Barrayarans were moving to Dune they would try to bring horses
- Steph and I have both been Vorkosigan fans since like evarrrr
* you have to conserve mass and cubage in space travel, they'd have to bring instant (bringing it back to horse paste)
* yeah, Cetagandan tech
- (more Vorkosigan, Cetagandan bio-engineers are the ones who made kittens literally growing on trees)
- (this is a Sad Incident feat. Ivan Xav Vorpatril's Rescue Helpless Entities drive)
* Barrayarans would try to bring all sorts of animals
* what would be worse than a sandworm horse
* obnoxious farm animals x worm, like peacock
* or goat
- at this point I'm picturing Mirabile and the Dragon's Teeth
* a goat-worm climbing some piece of infrastructure like that snake climbing the microwave
- https://a-s-h.tumblr.com/post/53580237842/are-my-god-damn-bagel-bitessssssss-ready-yet
- I can control Python with Ruby, etc snakes gems
- https://twitter.com/utilitylimb/status/126780301211992064
bandit |utilitylimb
Oct 19, 2011
Programming Skills: PRIMARILY RUBY AND PYTHON BUT I CAN USE ANY TYPE OF GEM TO CONTROL ANY TYPE OF SNAKE
- at this point Belovedest walked in and was EXTREMELY confused
* yelling at the goat-worm to get off the capitol building
* it listens about as well as any given farm animals
* that TikTok about the dog with some herding breed ancestry "why is your mouth making that noise"
- https://www.tiktok.com/@sassafras_007/video/7004288143570619653
- (Some repetitive dialog has been condensed for length.) Dark outdoor scene with highly directional light, as if a backyard at night. One human, filming. One dog, black and white patched with light eyes, standing looking at human with evident consciousness of guilt. The light eyes give the dog a natural wide-eyed stare. There is an ambient buzzing noise that varies in frequency, and gets louder the closer the viewpoint comes to the dog. Human, conversationally: "What do you have? Why is your mouth making that noise?" Dog looks conscious. Human, much more seriously, approaching: "Why is your mouth making that noise? Drop it. Drop it." (Repeats several more times.) "That is got to be uncomfortable." Rubs ears. "Drop it." Reaches for muzzle to pry mouth open, but when dog whines, releases dog and backs off. "Drop it." Gets closer again. "Drop it!" Dog does not drop it. "Release!" Reaches again. "Drop it, droppit droppit droppit!" Dog opens mouth, and deposits a live cicada on the ground. "Leave it, leave it!" Dog reluctantly turns away from the cicada, which is still buzzing loudly on the ground.
- this morning I created a folder on the household media server in the TV Shows directory, "Internet Shorts", for the sort of video that you get off the internet and need a local copy
- specifically for this video
- it encompasses SUCH a mood about human/pet interactions
* So anyway, Barrayaran tiktok
- (Barrayar is lower tech but industrializing fast; fandom tends to assume that the censorship rate is high because a, ImpSec, and b, since most of the series was written Before Mass Social Media there is no Barrayaran Social Media Scene depicted)
* you can't share any of the good videos from like the Emperor's Birthday because camera angles and site security on the palace grounds
* but the "hold my beer" genre of video, extremely Barrayaran
* there is a thriving exchange of them, people passing around and duping data cartridges
* people getting mad that their blackmail video has become the trending topic of the week
- look bro, you're the Main Character due to the incident, what happens if you get identified as The Guy In The Incident?
* Barrayaran vloggers
* (brief detour through Check Please)
* what if that British guy who does old recipes was a backcountry Barrayaran
* "Nothing makes sense anymore" https://www.reddit.com/r/Old_Recipes/comments/np71sy/bean_pie_from_1922/
* (Cetagandans might bring Instant Horse to Barrayar to help with the war effort)
- as in, lightflyers get pinged out of the sky with like rocks and shit, so why not use what the locals are using (look, it's for the sake of our running joke, not like the ghem-generals requested a custom job from the councils of their wives)
- so they have all these unused and abandoned things of Instant Horse paste
* and Barrayaran Backcountry Food Vlogger gets their hands on a packet tries to make Instant Horse
- look, it was right next to the MREs in some weapons cache
- the old Count's mutie grandson found a weapons cache like that and nearly obliterated the Residence with a hover tank
- might as well try Cetagandan instant horse meat FOR THE VINE
- it'll be epic
* yes but in a different way than they thought
* the absolute chaos of an entire horse happening in that pan
* kitchen's trashed
* fortunately any injuries are minor enough that it's still hilarious
* the label was not super clear and who reads Cetagandan, you've got to do with the translate app and it's crappy old invasion era text that's partly obliterated
* the Gerber baby situation
- which looks like an urban legend actually, and pretty racist https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/label-fable/
So at this point Steph and I are absolutely howling with laughter, it's been a rough couple months and this is approximately the most wholesome and pure take on horse paste that we think we can reach, and it's reached heights of obscure fannish absurdity and I'm thinking that I'm really going to have to summarize this conversation to share with
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
* Apropos of needing to share with Nora, I remember another thing.
* we are chatting about unmemorable aspects of something and maybe I'm trying to explain where the f we were coming from to Belovedest
* I finish up that chat and share my Thorts with Steph.
* His Wife? A Horse-Paste.
Belovedest is surprised by the sudden explosion of laughter, and possibly mildly concerned for our ability to replenish our brain oxygen.
* WHAT THE??????
- so this guy was the LJ Main Character of the Week for a hot minute back in 2007
- his legacy is enduring; Nora and I still say "His Wife? A Horse!" back and forth to each other when we're reminded of it.
- (implied abuse of horse) archive of fandomwank wiki: His "wife"? A horse.
- there's a Wired story but there's a wall and I can't be arsed right now: https://www.wired.com/2007/01/poly-furries-in/
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but the image description is plenty descriptive enough I can confirm that's an Instagram handle: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTVqkZxMH9X/
the fandomwank archive link goes somewhere if and only if the period at the end is part of the URL, which the parser has decided it is not
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Programming Skills: PRIMARILY RUBY AND PYTHON BUT I CAN USE ANY TYPE OF GEM TO CONTROL ANY TYPE OF SNAKE
Particularly useful for academics.
the "hold my beer" genre of video, extremely Barrayaran
Indeed yes. That video that keeps going around Tumblr of a guy somewhere in east Asia roasting some sort of animal using a spit attached to his car wheel (first using a mop to baste the animal) could definitely have taken place in rural Barrayar (as well as, as the comments to that post note, rural anywhere else on Earth.)
- might as well try Cetagandan instant horse meat FOR THE VINE
- it'll be epic
* yes but in a different way than they thought
This is DELIGHTFUL.
his legacy is enduring; Nora and I still say "His Wife? A Horse!" back and forth to each other when we're reminded of it.
I still have the Valdemar userpic.
(It was only just this minute, over a decade too late, that I thought to cross-pollinate that fandom-wank meme with "My ponies hate you now".)
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We probably can work in clay tablets about poor quality horse deformer too
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