Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
azurelunatic) wrote2002-08-06 02:57 pm
azurelunatic) wrote2002-08-06 02:57 pm
Safe Zone
Why so much emphasis on what Darkside wants rather than what I want? Why risk compromising myself for something he would prefer?
It's hardly a risk, with him. Of all my friends, Darkside is the most vigilant on noticing how I'm doing, if I'm all right, if something's bothering me. His "Is Azz all right?" alarms go off if I'm tired, if I'm quieter for longer than usual, if I say something completely out of the ordinary. He's worried that I'm too nice a person, that I can't defend myself well enough.
Perhaps that's been true. I've been trying to sort down what comes from where, in my mind. Whose ideas are those? Who wants me to believe this?
Of all my friends, Darkside and Dawn are the least likely to try to push their influences upon me, and therefore the most likely to influence me for the better that I choose to be. Darkside gives me a lecture if he perceives me to be hurting myself. His ideas of that tend to coincide with mine; I listen to him. He's closer to the way my parents tried to raise me than I am. I like my parents' ideals. I like the person I am around Darkside.
I trust Darkside to let me be myself, even, make sure that I am.
It's hardly a risk, with him. Of all my friends, Darkside is the most vigilant on noticing how I'm doing, if I'm all right, if something's bothering me. His "Is Azz all right?" alarms go off if I'm tired, if I'm quieter for longer than usual, if I say something completely out of the ordinary. He's worried that I'm too nice a person, that I can't defend myself well enough.
Perhaps that's been true. I've been trying to sort down what comes from where, in my mind. Whose ideas are those? Who wants me to believe this?
Of all my friends, Darkside and Dawn are the least likely to try to push their influences upon me, and therefore the most likely to influence me for the better that I choose to be. Darkside gives me a lecture if he perceives me to be hurting myself. His ideas of that tend to coincide with mine; I listen to him. He's closer to the way my parents tried to raise me than I am. I like my parents' ideals. I like the person I am around Darkside.
I trust Darkside to let me be myself, even, make sure that I am.