Boy oh boy.

[azurelunatic]

What has it been, these last few days? I'm just, like Ari, on. I'm seeing waters part around me, feeling the whirls in my wake. About four feet of water above my head; I can see the light; endless depths below my feet; I see the upsloping beach and know that if I kick down, I'll be touching the still sunwarm, waterwarm sand, with trickles of cold still seeping in from the chill places below.

Unlimited imposition of my Will on things around me is a Bad Thing, a very Bad Thing. I Will things to stay cool, remain good, get better. Been avoiding the place inside myself where Darkside stays, so as to avoid invading his privacy.

Been coming down with bits of dizzy that have very little to do with what I have or haven't eaten. Not sure where it's all coming from. Wrote one of the medium things to someone who needed to hear it: in summary, the Powers that Be say that if you're falling, fallen apart, and you're trying to hold yourself togther with the utmost desperation, your closest friends already know it. When you start to lay things out so that you can start putting yourself back together, it'll start showing to people who don't know you that well. Your friends will be the ones cheering you on that you're finally getting it together again; those who are wishing you back the way you used to be are wishing you back into the old broken self that it's finally too painful to be anymore.

Maybe someone else can also benefit from that insight. I call 'em as I see 'em, and this time, I evidently called it, from the feedback I got. I really am not responsible for writing some of that; when I write things like that, initially, something inside my mind goes a little blank, and the fingers keep on with the typing, and I come to myself after having posted, and wonder, "What the hell was that?" and remember that I am, after all, a medium, and even with the shields I'm still... well... yeah.

Comments

[iroshi.livejournal.com]

I really am not responsible for writing some of that; when I write things like that, initially, something inside my mind goes a little blank, and the fingers keep on with the typing, and I come to myself after having posted, and wonder, "What the hell was that?" and remember that I am, after all, a medium, and even with the shields I'm still... well... yeah.

Interesting. That's not generally the way it works for me. I'm fully in control, but words just flow, pop into my head, and quite often I don't see the evidence for what I'm saying, and feel like the person I'm talking to is going to call me on spouting nonsense...but I say it anyway, because She tells me to, and I've yet to follow those instincts and have the person who's supposed to receive it NOT understand it better than I do. It always seems to be the right thing to say. :)

But then, I'm *not* a medium. Priestess and shaman, yes, but not a medium. That's Chris' job. He's the priest and medium.

[azurelunatic]

I either have a memory of unnatural clarity of the incident, or my mind immediately gets foggy as to the details. I think part of it has to do with the privacy of those involved; I know that there are people who are uncomfortable with the thought of anyone knowing anything about their situation, and I think those are some of the foggier ones.

But what you said is fairly close. There are the words. I tend to go into writing-trance anyway, and when I go into writing-trance while speaking, my mind fogs.

Being a medium is interesting. Votania asks a question. I say something rather random, and that spurs her toward the answer to the question, if it's not the answer itself. The other night, Echo reached through me and performed a salad-whammy. The viewpoint of Caz, and the parable of the wine, the shaping of the self to hold the Divine Will, seems so logical to me.

I'm still bedazed, though. I expect that it's some form of transitionary phase, or that there's something that I am to trance out and see.

[traveller-blues.livejournal.com]

And then there are the folks who jump through about six link levels, stealthily randomly bouncing through people's journals, to get somewhere where they didn't expect, and then stop, knowing they've found what they needed.

(coyotes->tricksters->desu->'this'(random act of kindness)->rainstorm13->'this' (lesson of the day))

Regarding the whole 'Did I write that?' spiel: Been there. Done that. I think. -:) I'm convinced that sometimes the Power takes you, scoops you up like a pen from a holder, and makes you write the things you, or others around you, need to see. Not because you're necessarily their One Chosen Implement, but because that you're in the way of the people who need to see the writing on the wall.

And: You're good people. You do good works, whether or not you believe it. The fact that you worry about the harm you can do with a sheer act of Will is enough for me to know that.

-as one traveller to another...

Thanks.

[azurelunatic]

Of course not 'One Chosen Implement'. One of about six billion chosen implements, and one slightly more aware of it than perhaps most. Sanest to look at it that way; anything else is inviting madness, and perhaps a cult following, which I decidedly don't need; I've got enough problems of my own to deal with, without trying to heal the ills of half a billion, let alone feeding them... though you can do amazing things with chips and fish sticks, I've heard...

One of the actual incidents making me wonder about what my Will was getting up to lately was when my roommate tried syncing her palmtop to my computer... she wound up getting all my information as well as hers, sadly. I wound up with hers as well, and have been deleting things as I find them that don't belong to me.

Nice meeting you.